Somehow I didn't see the original post until just now. But yeah, this is definitely a mega just for you.

Okay

Is it a metroidvania the same way Cave Story is? Which is to say: everyone inexplicably calls it that even though it has only superficial similarities to the genre

Wikipedia lists it under "features new to Windows Vista" which explains a lot

Try Waterfox! It's literally Firefox but with all the bullshit stripped out

as I like to call her

ngl this is me every time I stack three dodge chance boons and beat the hardest boss on rivals mode

I feel this! The past few years I've set out a list of 10 games I want to finish by the end of the year. Last year I actually finished three. This year I'm gearing up to finish none. It's great!