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Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition

@fartsandwich.bsky.social

710 followers 170 following 300 posts

Celebrity chef. Worst food writer ever at The Takeout. Also: Serious Eats, Thrillist, Bon Appétit, Dill, and I'm not actually a celebrity chef. Bye

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Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · 11h

If you guys ever watch footage of those clowns taking people, look how nervous they are even complicit. They KNOW it's wrong. They're twitchy. They're scared. It's in every single motion of their arms, the way they look around their shoulders, and reach for car doors just to hop in and speed away.

Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · 11h

Hiding behind those masks is an act of sheer cowardice. There is no other word for it. You can literally feel it seeping from their pores.

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Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · 12h

Later I heard reports of agents snatching people up from around the neighborhood, saw video from the Dunkin' we go to on our walks sometimes, this shit is out of control. My heart hurts for my neighbors so much.

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Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · 12h

This morning I heard someone flying down our fucking street, in front of our home, blowing on a whistle, screaming, "ICE AQUI, ICE AQUI!"

They were frantic and I heard their voice fading down the way, still shouting, still whistling frantically. I don't know what ended up happening. I'm haunted.

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Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · 8d

Put that in my ass

Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · 8d

CANADA IS TAKING SHOTS AT CHICAGO

Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · 11d

Can you help do that for me

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Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · 11d

One day I want to have the confidence of the kind of a man who takes a horrific dump in an airport bathroom

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Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · 25d

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Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · 26d

Just sitting here remembering that there's a drink out there called an "Irish car bomb"

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Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · 29d

There's room trust me, at that price, you'll make ass room

Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · 29d

New Costco food court hack: Put all the hot dogs up your ass

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Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · Sep 8

this is my son...nestor.,

Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · Sep 5

Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · Aug 30

i have diarrhea

Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · Aug 29

Small talk isn't its strong suit so far

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Reposted by Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition

Jacob E. Peters @archijake.bsky.social · Aug 29

A crossover hit for my Chicago & Cincinnati friends.

Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · Aug 29

My newsletter rules. That is all.

foodisstupid.substack.com/p/skyline-ch...

Skyline chili, ALL the way

there's a lot of people in this sleeping bag

foodisstupid.substack.com

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Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · Aug 29

My newsletter rules. That is all.

foodisstupid.substack.com/p/skyline-ch...

Skyline chili, ALL the way

there's a lot of people in this sleeping bag

foodisstupid.substack.com

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Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · Aug 29

lol

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Reposted by Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition

Jeremiah Graves @jeremiahgraves.bsky.social · Aug 28

it's time to be industry disruptors

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Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · Aug 28

hahahahah

Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · Aug 28

Cracker Barrel should announce they're changing their logo again tomorrow just to fuck with the shareholders

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Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · Aug 28

Oh we could probably use a few hands now that I think about it but we can feed you hot dogs later

Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · Aug 28

Chicago is TOTAL MAYHEM and CHAOS and because old white guys who are so SCARED and have never been here, obviously this place is so DANGEROUS.

In fact, it's so dangerous my tiny Korean mom keeps asking us to take her downtown to go play!!! Watch out Oakley-wearing guys she's gonna get you!

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Cook's Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition @fartsandwich.bsky.social · Aug 27

Whoa I didn't know this either!