pathetic ass playbook. but this is the display of insanity MAGATs love to see because it gives them EVEN MORE of a reason to behave so uncivilly, disrespectfully, and heinously towards anyone that’s “other” than them in any fashion. it validates their hate.

truly pathetic display of MAGATs at their truest core, honestly. if you know one, you know that that is how they argue, accuse, accost, manipulate and gaslight the conversation into benefiting them, all the while trying to scream/raise their voice, and talking over you so you can’t get a word in.

obligatory leia snuggled near while i mucked about earlier today.

poor baby boy is so spooked and wigged out.

the timing is not lost on me.
2017, bella’s tumor was misdiagnosed for a month by NMHP, it relapsed & we got a 2nd opinion elsewhere. while waiting for T to come wait with me, i played with some kits. that night, we came home with luke and leia. 💜

it is still so fucking painful. i am constantly tripping over my own brain and heart doing whatever they can to bring me to my knees wallowing in the sorrow of it all. i see and feel her everywhere around me but i can’t physically hold her anymore when times are tough and emotional. this blows af.

i just want the best, healthiest and safest for them all, as they deserve. fuck.

not only is my hyper stress on their wellbeing constantly eating me alive, but so too is just the inability to move past the loss of queen bagel. we just passed two months but it still feels like yesterday.

when we first adopted her, it was clear that she had separation anxiety from us. we made adjustments over the years so she’d not have to feel that so vehemently. little did i know (until my disability blew up which made me realize) the feeling was entirely mutual.

oh, bagel, my 💜

i just knew she’d survive me. there were so many times that i was so close to ending it all for myself but managed to not because she somehow saved me. a debt i could never repay enough.

i just do not know how to step forward.

i am devastated and so damn heartbroken to have lost my best friend. i’m just relieved that she’s no longer fighting to contend with pain. the decline despite her refusal to accept it was so painful to watch. 😓i genuinely do not know how ill survive past this. never could “see” my life without her.

some more pics. from the courtyard when we first met at the shelter, + 2 from her first night/then week. she was so comfy so fkn fast.

so fkn proud and stoked for you guys. honestly best news of the year!!!

this is incredible but also heartbreaking af 😭😭😭 lordt. sometimes the trauma dump just jumps out. xD