Salt Water
@findyourharbor.bsky.social
Have you lost someone you can't live without? Salt Water is a blog, online community & resource for those who are grieving.
https://www.findyourharbor.org
https://www.findyourharbor.org
Holidays After Loss, Tip #1 -- Think ahead
Before the holidays arrive, consider how you need to navigate them this year. Attend a small gathering, hang out with family or be with friends and chosen family instead? Or, would you rather leave town and avoid the season altogether?
Before the holidays arrive, consider how you need to navigate them this year. Attend a small gathering, hang out with family or be with friends and chosen family instead? Or, would you rather leave town and avoid the season altogether?
December 1, 2025 at 5:47 PM
Holidays After Loss, Tip #1 -- Think ahead
Before the holidays arrive, consider how you need to navigate them this year. Attend a small gathering, hang out with family or be with friends and chosen family instead? Or, would you rather leave town and avoid the season altogether?
Before the holidays arrive, consider how you need to navigate them this year. Attend a small gathering, hang out with family or be with friends and chosen family instead? Or, would you rather leave town and avoid the season altogether?
After the death of one of our essential people, the holidays can become a daunting, devastating time. There's an empty chair (or 2) at the table. You may lack the energy or desire to even acknowledge the holidays. You might feel alone or be estranged from some of your family ...
November 30, 2025 at 7:17 PM
After the death of one of our essential people, the holidays can become a daunting, devastating time. There's an empty chair (or 2) at the table. You may lack the energy or desire to even acknowledge the holidays. You might feel alone or be estranged from some of your family ...
Gentle reminders for navigating Thanksgiving.
The day will pass. You can get through it. Breathe ...
The day will pass. You can get through it. Breathe ...
November 26, 2025 at 6:10 PM
Gentle reminders for navigating Thanksgiving.
The day will pass. You can get through it. Breathe ...
The day will pass. You can get through it. Breathe ...
"Let go of .. what you “should” do for the holidays & ask what you want to do .. What part of the holiday is most meaningful to me? What may have worked in the past that doesn’t feel right anymore? What are some things I could drop to make my life easier?"
www.nytimes.com/2025/11/21/w...
www.nytimes.com/2025/11/21/w...
This Holiday Season, Make a ‘To-Don’t’ List
www.nytimes.com
November 25, 2025 at 9:37 PM
"Let go of .. what you “should” do for the holidays & ask what you want to do .. What part of the holiday is most meaningful to me? What may have worked in the past that doesn’t feel right anymore? What are some things I could drop to make my life easier?"
www.nytimes.com/2025/11/21/w...
www.nytimes.com/2025/11/21/w...
"The skies were dark, and it was pouring rain. Yet there was so much light in that room. As we went around the circle, I was reminded of the way stories heal. The hope they offer, the path forward, the reminder that we are never, ever alone."
findyourharbor.com/there-is-alw...
findyourharbor.com/there-is-alw...
There Is Always A Light Somewhere | Salt Water
We are all healers of the world. Rachel Naomi Remen
findyourharbor.com
November 24, 2025 at 8:53 PM
"The skies were dark, and it was pouring rain. Yet there was so much light in that room. As we went around the circle, I was reminded of the way stories heal. The hope they offer, the path forward, the reminder that we are never, ever alone."
findyourharbor.com/there-is-alw...
findyourharbor.com/there-is-alw...
"What happens after someone you love dies?
It's really hard for those who remain behind.
And it can be hard for a long, long time.
That's all right.
It takes as long as it takes."
So begins Diane Namm's beautiful, comforting book for young children ...
It's really hard for those who remain behind.
And it can be hard for a long, long time.
That's all right.
It takes as long as it takes."
So begins Diane Namm's beautiful, comforting book for young children ...
November 20, 2025 at 5:56 PM
"What happens after someone you love dies?
It's really hard for those who remain behind.
And it can be hard for a long, long time.
That's all right.
It takes as long as it takes."
So begins Diane Namm's beautiful, comforting book for young children ...
It's really hard for those who remain behind.
And it can be hard for a long, long time.
That's all right.
It takes as long as it takes."
So begins Diane Namm's beautiful, comforting book for young children ...
"When she died, we felt what we call the Wind of Wisdom & Light rise from her & blanket the skies. Her Wind of Wisdom & Light tickled the stars, making them laugh w/a sparkling brightness impossible to ignore. She was a lava flow of love flooding the world.."
findyourharbor.com/tribute/
findyourharbor.com/tribute/
Tribute | Salt Water
Everyone thinks Koko was the first of us to learn sign language. But anyone who eats bananas knows it was Washoe, a chimpanzee who could combine signs to create new meanings such as “water bird” for a...
findyourharbor.com
October 27, 2025 at 10:40 AM
"When she died, we felt what we call the Wind of Wisdom & Light rise from her & blanket the skies. Her Wind of Wisdom & Light tickled the stars, making them laugh w/a sparkling brightness impossible to ignore. She was a lava flow of love flooding the world.."
findyourharbor.com/tribute/
findyourharbor.com/tribute/
"I wasn’t prepared for the way the two hospitals and everyone we knew there disappeared as destinations after Jimmy died. I was still welcome in the building, encouraged to visit in fact. But there was no longer a reason to go."
findyourharbor.com/mapping-what...
findyourharbor.com/mapping-what...
Mapping What Is Lost | Salt Water
Grief is a country that has no definite borderlines and that recognizes no single trajectory. It is a space that did not exist before your loss, and that will never disappear from your map, no matter ...
findyourharbor.com
October 20, 2025 at 3:34 PM
"I wasn’t prepared for the way the two hospitals and everyone we knew there disappeared as destinations after Jimmy died. I was still welcome in the building, encouraged to visit in fact. But there was no longer a reason to go."
findyourharbor.com/mapping-what...
findyourharbor.com/mapping-what...
".. every item bears Jimmy’s fingerprints or handwriting. Each scrap of paper or object has a story, a memory or an act of kindness associated with it .. gentle reminders of the smallest truths about his interests, habits and passions, the essence of who he was."
findyourharbor.com/what-we-keep/
findyourharbor.com/what-we-keep/
What We Keep | Salt Water
Everyone must leave something behind when he dies … something your hand touched some way, so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, y...
findyourharbor.com
October 16, 2025 at 5:55 PM
".. every item bears Jimmy’s fingerprints or handwriting. Each scrap of paper or object has a story, a memory or an act of kindness associated with it .. gentle reminders of the smallest truths about his interests, habits and passions, the essence of who he was."
findyourharbor.com/what-we-keep/
findyourharbor.com/what-we-keep/
"They started as they always did, by each saying a name. These names represented a loved one who died—the reason why each person joined E-Motion, a Boston-based running group for people grieving the death of a loved one."
www.womenshealthmag.com/fitness/a683...
www.womenshealthmag.com/fitness/a683...
This Mother’s Loss Sparked A Running Movement. Now, Her Club Is Helping Others Heal Together.
Grief run clubs are popping up all over the U.S.—and for good reason.
www.womenshealthmag.com
October 9, 2025 at 4:31 PM
"They started as they always did, by each saying a name. These names represented a loved one who died—the reason why each person joined E-Motion, a Boston-based running group for people grieving the death of a loved one."
www.womenshealthmag.com/fitness/a683...
www.womenshealthmag.com/fitness/a683...
"Life is as much awful as it is beautiful, and the worst can and will happen, even to those who least deserve it. It’s an honor to sit at the jagged edge of someone’s pain. To witness how much they love the person who was taken from them."
findyourharbor.com/be-still/
findyourharbor.com/be-still/
Be Still | Salt Water
How would I live if I were exactly what's needed to heal the world? Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen
findyourharbor.com
October 8, 2025 at 5:53 PM
"Life is as much awful as it is beautiful, and the worst can and will happen, even to those who least deserve it. It’s an honor to sit at the jagged edge of someone’s pain. To witness how much they love the person who was taken from them."
findyourharbor.com/be-still/
findyourharbor.com/be-still/
"When Jimmy died, I thought there would be a sameness, an unrelentingness to my grief that would persist year after year. But to my surprise, I have found every year to be different. Instead of a well-worn path, I am finding my way as I go."
findyourharbor.com/all-i-can-no...
findyourharbor.com/all-i-can-no...
All I Can No Longer Hold | Salt Water
... so much I cannot think of today, a team of white birds lifting off a shoreline and disappearing into the sun. Billy Collins
findyourharbor.com
October 3, 2025 at 11:32 PM
"When Jimmy died, I thought there would be a sameness, an unrelentingness to my grief that would persist year after year. But to my surprise, I have found every year to be different. Instead of a well-worn path, I am finding my way as I go."
findyourharbor.com/all-i-can-no...
findyourharbor.com/all-i-can-no...
“I was put in the role of doing whatever I could to make the experience easier for Jimmy & my parents…the transition from when he was alive & when he died w/him being my only sibling, suddenly the attention was all on me & that transition was so jarring.”
www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnuL...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnuL...
Molly Fowkes: Sibling Loss Sudden Versus Long Term Illness
YouTube video by Open to Hope
www.youtube.com
October 2, 2025 at 5:49 PM
“I was put in the role of doing whatever I could to make the experience easier for Jimmy & my parents…the transition from when he was alive & when he died w/him being my only sibling, suddenly the attention was all on me & that transition was so jarring.”
www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnuL...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnuL...
"Unlike the first stages of grief I experienced, which cling to the past, this new stage occupies the present. I say 'occupies' because it seizes the present with both arms, bringing with it a strange, surprising joy."
www.nytimes.com/2025/09/27/o...
www.nytimes.com/2025/09/27/o...
Opinion | After Years of Living With Grief, Joy Has Moved In
www.nytimes.com
September 29, 2025 at 6:44 PM
"Unlike the first stages of grief I experienced, which cling to the past, this new stage occupies the present. I say 'occupies' because it seizes the present with both arms, bringing with it a strange, surprising joy."
www.nytimes.com/2025/09/27/o...
www.nytimes.com/2025/09/27/o...
"When I get to Flinders Island, I will begin my own memorial days. I am taking something that our culture has stopped freely giving: the right to grieve. To shut out the world and its demands. To remember my love and to feel the immensity of his loss."
www.amazon.com/Memorial-Day...
www.amazon.com/Memorial-Day...
September 27, 2025 at 6:41 PM
"When I get to Flinders Island, I will begin my own memorial days. I am taking something that our culture has stopped freely giving: the right to grieve. To shut out the world and its demands. To remember my love and to feel the immensity of his loss."
www.amazon.com/Memorial-Day...
www.amazon.com/Memorial-Day...
"So here I am. Still here more than a decade after Jimmy’s death, celebrating the age he should have lived to see. Wondering what he would be doing, who he would have become. Remembering how he lived and the way we who love him carry him with us still."
findyourharbor.com/age-old/
findyourharbor.com/age-old/
Age-Old | Salt Water
Wasn’t it death that taught me to stop measuring my lifespan by length, but by width? Andrea Gibson
findyourharbor.com
September 25, 2025 at 4:50 PM
"So here I am. Still here more than a decade after Jimmy’s death, celebrating the age he should have lived to see. Wondering what he would be doing, who he would have become. Remembering how he lived and the way we who love him carry him with us still."
findyourharbor.com/age-old/
findyourharbor.com/age-old/
"Start with loss. Lose everything. Then lose it all again.
Lose a good woman on a bad day. Find a better woman,
then lose five friends chasing her. Learn to lose as if
your life depended on it. Learn that your life depends on it."
www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/155104...
Lose a good woman on a bad day. Find a better woman,
then lose five friends chasing her. Learn to lose as if
your life depended on it. Learn that your life depends on it."
www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/155104...
September 18, 2025 at 7:31 PM
"Start with loss. Lose everything. Then lose it all again.
Lose a good woman on a bad day. Find a better woman,
then lose five friends chasing her. Learn to lose as if
your life depended on it. Learn that your life depends on it."
www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/155104...
Lose a good woman on a bad day. Find a better woman,
then lose five friends chasing her. Learn to lose as if
your life depended on it. Learn that your life depends on it."
www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/155104...
"Grief changes the air around it. It thickens it, slows it down ... I looked at your second backpack then and saw it for what it was: not just extra weight, but the embodiment of something much heavier. Memory, carried not out of obligation, but love."
www.offassignment.com/articles/mag...
www.offassignment.com/articles/mag...
To the Hiker Carrying Two Backpacks — Off Assignment
“I noticed you on the first day of the Inca Trail. Machu Picchu was still a distant promise, and I was already bartering with my lungs. The altitude had found me, as it always does, with the precisio...
www.offassignment.com
September 17, 2025 at 4:57 PM
"Grief changes the air around it. It thickens it, slows it down ... I looked at your second backpack then and saw it for what it was: not just extra weight, but the embodiment of something much heavier. Memory, carried not out of obligation, but love."
www.offassignment.com/articles/mag...
www.offassignment.com/articles/mag...
"But that day in August, Robert walked by my house and sang to me (“sail on, silver girl, sail on by”) as I was missing a person I loved, one I had never expected to meet, much less turn out to be a woman who loved me ferociously and gave me so much."
~ Jan Haag
findyourharbor.com/moonstruck/
~ Jan Haag
findyourharbor.com/moonstruck/
Moonstruck | Salt Water
I was out watering the plants in my front yard a couple months ago, trying to give them a good drink before the heat of a Sacramento August day, when Robert Gordon walked by. He was moving at his usua...
findyourharbor.com
September 15, 2025 at 4:37 PM
"But that day in August, Robert walked by my house and sang to me (“sail on, silver girl, sail on by”) as I was missing a person I loved, one I had never expected to meet, much less turn out to be a woman who loved me ferociously and gave me so much."
~ Jan Haag
findyourharbor.com/moonstruck/
~ Jan Haag
findyourharbor.com/moonstruck/
"Observing the tree's acceptance of her loss,
the release that makes way for growth and rebirth.
The strength to stand tall when stripped of everything and only her essence remains.
Like the cherry tree,
I am built to birth my own joy ..."
findyourharbor.com/the-cherry-t...
the release that makes way for growth and rebirth.
The strength to stand tall when stripped of everything and only her essence remains.
Like the cherry tree,
I am built to birth my own joy ..."
findyourharbor.com/the-cherry-t...
The Cherry Tree | Salt Water
Only love is big enough to hold all the pain of this world. Sharon Salzberg
findyourharbor.com
September 1, 2025 at 8:33 PM
"Observing the tree's acceptance of her loss,
the release that makes way for growth and rebirth.
The strength to stand tall when stripped of everything and only her essence remains.
Like the cherry tree,
I am built to birth my own joy ..."
findyourharbor.com/the-cherry-t...
the release that makes way for growth and rebirth.
The strength to stand tall when stripped of everything and only her essence remains.
Like the cherry tree,
I am built to birth my own joy ..."
findyourharbor.com/the-cherry-t...
"I will never know how Buster hears the unseen, but I think it begins with his willingness to sit motionless and peer into the darkness. To listen intently, patiently, until he can decipher what he's hearing, the need to know greater than the fear of what he might uncover."
findyourharbor.com/still/
findyourharbor.com/still/
Still | Salt Water
...the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing. T.S. Eliot
findyourharbor.com
August 25, 2025 at 6:00 PM
"I will never know how Buster hears the unseen, but I think it begins with his willingness to sit motionless and peer into the darkness. To listen intently, patiently, until he can decipher what he's hearing, the need to know greater than the fear of what he might uncover."
findyourharbor.com/still/
findyourharbor.com/still/
"I started to wonder if I was just in denial or actually losing my grip on reality and which one was worse. Part of me didn't care. There were so many days when it felt as if my very survival hinged on Jimmy not be fully gone, so I'd lean into the feeling."
findyourharbor.com/dark-surprise/
findyourharbor.com/dark-surprise/
Dark Surprise | Salt Water
It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is al...
findyourharbor.com
August 18, 2025 at 7:19 PM
"I started to wonder if I was just in denial or actually losing my grip on reality and which one was worse. Part of me didn't care. There were so many days when it felt as if my very survival hinged on Jimmy not be fully gone, so I'd lean into the feeling."
findyourharbor.com/dark-surprise/
findyourharbor.com/dark-surprise/
It found a reason to keep going ...
August 15, 2025 at 8:16 PM
It found a reason to keep going ...
"I am the product of a childhood with a sibling and an adulthood without one ... My life was shaped as much by my brother’s absence as by his presence—and that, too, is a kind of relationship."
www.yahoo.com/news/article...
www.yahoo.com/news/article...
My Brother and the Relationship That Could Have Been
Ever since he died, I wonder how we would have gotten along as adults.
www.yahoo.com
August 8, 2025 at 8:49 PM
"I am the product of a childhood with a sibling and an adulthood without one ... My life was shaped as much by my brother’s absence as by his presence—and that, too, is a kind of relationship."
www.yahoo.com/news/article...
www.yahoo.com/news/article...