Francis G
@francisgcomedy.bsky.social
Stand up🎤 Metal vocalist🤘 Dark clown 🤡
Devious Host of @cabinetsinistro 😈
If I were immortal, I could let that pan soak for decades.
Again.
Devious Host of @cabinetsinistro 😈
If I were immortal, I could let that pan soak for decades.
Again.
Here's an idea for an ad:
Someone taps twice on their watch and says
"TikTok ⌚...
...and you're wasting your time".
Someone taps twice on their watch and says
"TikTok ⌚...
...and you're wasting your time".
January 31, 2025 at 11:08 AM
Here's an idea for an ad:
Someone taps twice on their watch and says
"TikTok ⌚...
...and you're wasting your time".
Someone taps twice on their watch and says
"TikTok ⌚...
...and you're wasting your time".
Kinky events are fun, but I am too minimal for their dress code. How about a pyjama sex club? The mandatory outfit would be a onesie with a flap. “Welcome to Sticky Slippers!"
The safe word is ‘sorry, I need to be changed’.
The safe word is ‘sorry, I need to be changed’.
January 7, 2025 at 10:19 AM
Kinky events are fun, but I am too minimal for their dress code. How about a pyjama sex club? The mandatory outfit would be a onesie with a flap. “Welcome to Sticky Slippers!"
The safe word is ‘sorry, I need to be changed’.
The safe word is ‘sorry, I need to be changed’.
When grandpa tells you that how 𝘢𝘸𝘧𝘶𝘭 your tattoos will look when you are sixty, remind him of how awful 𝘩𝘦 will look when you are sixty.
⚰️
⚰️
January 2, 2025 at 2:45 PM
When grandpa tells you that how 𝘢𝘸𝘧𝘶𝘭 your tattoos will look when you are sixty, remind him of how awful 𝘩𝘦 will look when you are sixty.
⚰️
⚰️
It takes resilience to keep your new year resolution. The difference between a delusion and a new year resolutions is that 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 give up on my new delusions.
#happy2025
#happy2025
December 31, 2024 at 11:40 AM
It takes resilience to keep your new year resolution. The difference between a delusion and a new year resolutions is that 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 give up on my new delusions.
#happy2025
#happy2025
I have both a calendar and a diary: one is for appointments, the other disappointments.
Note that a diary gives much more room to each day.
So you can imagine the shock when I double-book disappointments.
#newyear2025
Note that a diary gives much more room to each day.
So you can imagine the shock when I double-book disappointments.
#newyear2025
December 28, 2024 at 11:36 AM
I have both a calendar and a diary: one is for appointments, the other disappointments.
Note that a diary gives much more room to each day.
So you can imagine the shock when I double-book disappointments.
#newyear2025
Note that a diary gives much more room to each day.
So you can imagine the shock when I double-book disappointments.
#newyear2025
Imagine someone so entitled, that they expect you to buy presents for everyone attending their birthday party.
That someone is Jesus.
That someone is Jesus.
December 26, 2024 at 1:49 AM
Imagine someone so entitled, that they expect you to buy presents for everyone attending their birthday party.
That someone is Jesus.
That someone is Jesus.
A message to those preaching on the streets: I only follow the teachings of people with successful life stories - Jesus died broke, nailed to a cross.
Case closed.
Case closed.
December 24, 2024 at 11:10 PM
A message to those preaching on the streets: I only follow the teachings of people with successful life stories - Jesus died broke, nailed to a cross.
Case closed.
Case closed.
If Xmas morning is when people open all the gifts you bought, you can think of Xmas Eve as a wake for all your money.
Bury Xmas everyone 🎄🪦
💫
Bury Xmas everyone 🎄🪦
💫
December 24, 2024 at 2:38 PM
If Xmas morning is when people open all the gifts you bought, you can think of Xmas Eve as a wake for all your money.
Bury Xmas everyone 🎄🪦
💫
Bury Xmas everyone 🎄🪦
💫
I’m anxious because I have no money. If you ask me, this is no laughing matter, but you should see my therapist charging my card.
December 23, 2024 at 1:53 PM
I’m anxious because I have no money. If you ask me, this is no laughing matter, but you should see my therapist charging my card.
People hate abortion jokes, they hate them! If they could, they would kill them before they are born.
December 22, 2024 at 2:03 PM
People hate abortion jokes, they hate them! If they could, they would kill them before they are born.
I'm bursting with Xmas spirit: If I buy another gift I'll go ho-ho-homeless.
December 22, 2024 at 10:22 AM
I'm bursting with Xmas spirit: If I buy another gift I'll go ho-ho-homeless.
It’s not a mystery why we stuff our faces when we dine with our families: If we are not chewing, we might talk😱.
That’s why “don’t talk while you’re chewing!” is a great teaching: forget being polite - I chew to save lives!
That’s why “don’t talk while you’re chewing!” is a great teaching: forget being polite - I chew to save lives!
December 22, 2024 at 10:16 AM
It’s not a mystery why we stuff our faces when we dine with our families: If we are not chewing, we might talk😱.
That’s why “don’t talk while you’re chewing!” is a great teaching: forget being polite - I chew to save lives!
That’s why “don’t talk while you’re chewing!” is a great teaching: forget being polite - I chew to save lives!
Resurrection is unpredictable, which is why I think the last supper was a smart move by Jesus: just before dying, he offered his flesh to his apostles, so when he came back from the dead and he'd be like "🧟♂️ MY TUUUURN!"
December 18, 2024 at 11:17 AM
Resurrection is unpredictable, which is why I think the last supper was a smart move by Jesus: just before dying, he offered his flesh to his apostles, so when he came back from the dead and he'd be like "🧟♂️ MY TUUUURN!"
Why do I joke about death so much? Because it's interesting! Death is cults, horror, and mystery!
Life is work, queues, and diarrhoea.
Life is work, queues, and diarrhoea.
December 18, 2024 at 11:16 AM
Why do I joke about death so much? Because it's interesting! Death is cults, horror, and mystery!
Life is work, queues, and diarrhoea.
Life is work, queues, and diarrhoea.
Popes and bishops puzzle me: how can you hate condoms when you ARE a dick in a hat?
December 13, 2024 at 11:05 AM
Popes and bishops puzzle me: how can you hate condoms when you ARE a dick in a hat?
I came up with a movie idea to upset everyone: an Othello remake with an all-black cast and a white Othello.
December 11, 2024 at 8:18 PM
I came up with a movie idea to upset everyone: an Othello remake with an all-black cast and a white Othello.
Life is just like any other gift from your mum: you don’t know what to do with it!
You certainly don’t need it, and boy does she get upset when you try to give it back!
You certainly don’t need it, and boy does she get upset when you try to give it back!
December 11, 2024 at 6:56 PM
Life is just like any other gift from your mum: you don’t know what to do with it!
You certainly don’t need it, and boy does she get upset when you try to give it back!
You certainly don’t need it, and boy does she get upset when you try to give it back!
Usually, churches have many gruesome portraits of the crucifixion, which is Jesus’ worst trauma. He’s probably the only guy who needs a trigger warning before getting into his house.
December 11, 2024 at 10:40 AM
Usually, churches have many gruesome portraits of the crucifixion, which is Jesus’ worst trauma. He’s probably the only guy who needs a trigger warning before getting into his house.
Insomnia is like a punch in the face.
Hence the black eye.
Hence the black eye.
November 30, 2024 at 9:59 AM
Insomnia is like a punch in the face.
Hence the black eye.
Hence the black eye.
If at any point in your life you felt the need to speak up for what’s right, you can only be one of two things: a fan of free speech, or a hypocrite.
If you pretend to be progressive but behave as if free speech applied only to you, then you’re a tyrant.
If you pretend to be progressive but behave as if free speech applied only to you, then you’re a tyrant.
November 29, 2024 at 10:41 AM
If at any point in your life you felt the need to speak up for what’s right, you can only be one of two things: a fan of free speech, or a hypocrite.
If you pretend to be progressive but behave as if free speech applied only to you, then you’re a tyrant.
If you pretend to be progressive but behave as if free speech applied only to you, then you’re a tyrant.
I think people who end their FB bio with “and this is my FB page” should at least get offered a seat on the bus.
November 29, 2024 at 10:35 AM
I think people who end their FB bio with “and this is my FB page” should at least get offered a seat on the bus.
I'm torn between wanting to do a million things and a desire to meld with my couch.
Can I live, but from my couch, in VR? I guess I'd eventually become e-lethargic and enter the VR in the VR, like nesting sloth dolls.
Can I live, but from my couch, in VR? I guess I'd eventually become e-lethargic and enter the VR in the VR, like nesting sloth dolls.
November 29, 2024 at 10:33 AM
I'm torn between wanting to do a million things and a desire to meld with my couch.
Can I live, but from my couch, in VR? I guess I'd eventually become e-lethargic and enter the VR in the VR, like nesting sloth dolls.
Can I live, but from my couch, in VR? I guess I'd eventually become e-lethargic and enter the VR in the VR, like nesting sloth dolls.
Since the allegations, Russell Brand defected to the Christians. I think it makes perfect sense: if only he liked them a little younger, he'd make a great priest.
November 27, 2024 at 4:33 PM
Since the allegations, Russell Brand defected to the Christians. I think it makes perfect sense: if only he liked them a little younger, he'd make a great priest.
People who choose to say "half a dozen" rather than "six" should be fined.
November 27, 2024 at 4:25 PM
People who choose to say "half a dozen" rather than "six" should be fined.
By the time you are financially free you are too old to do anything.
Life is like a furniture museum in a lift-less skyscraper: you get breathless to the top only to see an armchair you can’t sit on.
Life is like a furniture museum in a lift-less skyscraper: you get breathless to the top only to see an armchair you can’t sit on.
November 20, 2024 at 5:34 PM
By the time you are financially free you are too old to do anything.
Life is like a furniture museum in a lift-less skyscraper: you get breathless to the top only to see an armchair you can’t sit on.
Life is like a furniture museum in a lift-less skyscraper: you get breathless to the top only to see an armchair you can’t sit on.