they really should invent a late fall-winter/ 4th quarter of the year that doesnt make you wanna off yourself

genuinely think bears are onto smth with the hibernating shit, it hink itd be great, for me personally, to sleep thru these shitty months and wake up when spring is back

woooooo yeaaaaa time to be paranoid now that every silver pickup truck i see is my father woohooo yipppeeeee

as if i didnt have enough to be freaking the fuck out abt :)

but its fine…itll be fine…he’s proven to be at least a smidge less… i dont wanna say blindly loyal to our parents but… liek idk i dont think i have to worry cuz again our dad kicked him out and last i spoke to him he said they aint talkin

he asked me to loan him some money for a cab cuz an autopayment overdrafted his acc and i ofc… have no money myself so i was like ill just give u my uber login since its linked to my credit card and im like oh… wait he can see my trips and shit……

sorry im whining so much i just really should not have come into work today but again its not like i had a fucking choice.

im trying so fucking hard man buts it not enough its never going to be fucking enough i feel like im gonna fuckig throw up

like im not fucking doing ok shut up shut up. just cuz i LOOK fine dont fucking mean shit.

like i was in bed most of yesterday not even sleeping just fucking lying there in the dark tryna get some semblance of self back and again only spoke a handful of words and even that was so hard like.

“you’re doing so much better, youve come so far youre doing so well!” actually no. the fuck im not. havig a fucking meltdown every few days is not fucking normal man. not being able to talk or even be in the same room as ppl the second im off work IS NOT NORMAL.

like i KNOW myself and thats why in all my past jobs when they asked me to take a promotion i turned it down becuz i KNOW i cant handle with it. what the fuck did i do this for. like actually please just kill me

i dont hate my job. i hate THIS shit and i hate the fucking holidays. i think after the season is over if they hopefully hire another key carrier by them im taking the paycut and handing back my keys cuz i cannot keep doing this.

im one fucking person i cant fucking do all this shit. ontop of dealing with the bitch ass hag and rude disrespectful customers.

i cant cry man i dont have my waterproof makeup on. like none of this is my fucking fault leave me the fuck alone

yea no im calling out tmmrw. i cant do this.

“can i get a manager upfront” CALLS AND FUCKING SENDING WASTE OF TIME EMAILS AND CALLING AT 6 IF WE HAVENT GOTTEN A BUMASS CARD ON THE BOARD YET AND NO ONE EVEN TAKES ME SRSLY BECUZ IM YOUNG SO I CANT TELL PPL WHAT TO DO

like literally the kids all take advantage when i close and just do fuckall.

“you need to flow all your merchandise becuz BOH is getting backed up” but then having everyone and they mamas complaining that no recovery was done in their depts at night becuz i was focused on TRYING to get as much merch out as i could in between HAVING TO KEEP GOING UP FROMT TO RING OR ANSWER

idk man… im already abt to start crying again maybe i’ll call out tmmrw… or leave early today… idk yet but i feel sick to my stomach and i cant deal.

closing shifts AND the store manager who usually helps with flowing my dept if im closing has been at other fucking stores so how the fuck you expect me to flow out my department when im stuck closing as shift lead and

was gonna walk to work like i have been so as to avoid the possibilty of having to deal with a chatty driver but i couldnt get out of bed in time so :/

ughh if i make it thru the day without freakin too much i will get a tasty little dunkies latte treat after work… yea thatll motivate me or sumn..

and so when i inevitably have another meltdown… 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠 I HATE THIS SHIT MAN

but like this what fucking stresses me out so fucking much. like i cant deal with it.

and its not my fault but then ill have a meltdown like i did monday night and ill beat myself up abt it AND ITS NOT MY FAULT