The HOA, city zoning board, stonemasons, and illuminati are conspiring to stop me from making the world's biggest grill.

It should be illegal for anyone to say mean things about me

Ugh, my stupid chud son is begging for food again. It’s only been two weeks since the last time I let him forage.

Jimi Hendrix*

*cool as hell

Hubris only affects all those other guys from the past, building a giant makeshift tower to store my dynamite in my back yard is not hubris.

“My balls itch” take them off

This dumbass in a pointy mask just told me the village’s well was tainted with the plague, motherfucker my humors are balanced as fuck I’m drinking the damn water.

I was visiting grandfather in the hospital for his birthday, and my stupid chud cousin screamed so loud when he found out that he was turning 67 that it made him have a heart attack. He isn‘t invited to the funeral.

Samsa males when

What If you were cold