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For regular readers of my bullshit, this may be kinda boring, but if you're a geek like me who's into oldschool toys and collecting things, stick around, maybe you'll like it. If not, go look at some other website. These photos are my own unless otherwise credited. I don't know jack about cars. People go to car shows and then tell me all about engine specs and... I don't even know enough about cars to know what people who do know about cars talk about. HOWEVER, I am crazy about toy cars! I always have been. My first word was... oh wait, it was "ball." But my second word was "spin," which I would say when I spun the wheels on toy cars. Let's take a look at some of my favorite toy cars from my childhood as well as my adulthood! ### Dixie Challenger I talked about this Hot Wheels car on my Instagram and my Tumblr, but this was always one of my favorite cars growing up. I'm not really sure why. It was released in 1981, but the one I got probably came from a 1983 McDonald's Happy Meal. I thought maybe Mattel had the foresight to make a car similar to the General Lee, only without the controversial confederate flag, but it turns out they made some variants that did have the flag on the roof. --- Photo credit: eBay auction For the 40th anniversary of Hot Wheels, they also released a special chrome Dixie Challenger. I'd love to get my hands on it, but I don't want to spend most of the asking prices I've seen on eBay. --- Photo credit: eBay auction ### Days of Thunder When _Days of Thunder_ came out in 1990, I was pretty excited. Not because I gave a crap about the movie or the actors, but because I loved all the cool toy NASCAR cars with corporate logos on them. I've also always been obsessed with logos for some reason. Anyway, the Hardee's and Superflo Motor Oil cars were released by Matchbox, and the green Chevrolet was released by Racing Champions INC. all in 1990. I used to have the Mello Yello and Exxon matchbox cars too, but I can't find them anymore. ### Hot Wheels Speed Demons During my childhood, Hot Wheels released a line of cars that looked like animals called Speed Demons. The two that I have are the shark called the Sharkruiser (released in 1987), and this leopard called Cargoyle for some reason (released in 1985). ### Woody Wagon Hot Wheels released this '40s Woodie back in 1979 or 1980, but this version that I have is from the California Customs line released in 1990, as if that weren't the most 1990 color scheme you've ever seen. I believe the "customs" part refers to all the stupid decals it came with, which make it look like junk in my opinion. ### Tricar X-8 When I think of Hot Wheels, I think of the Tricar X-8. This bright red phallic car with it's flame paint job (although worn off on mine) is everything that Hot Wheels embodies to me. These were released in 1980, but I'm pretty sure the ones I have came from that same McDonald's Happy Meal as the Dixie Challenger. ### 1937 Mercedes 540k For Hot Wheels' 20th Anniversary, they released a line of silver and gold cars. I had a gold one, although I don't remember what it was. This silver 1937 Mercedes 540k was released in 1988. Wow, that means that as of last year, Hot Wheels was 50, and I'm... getting old. ### Matchbox Originals --- Photo Credit: Matchbox Cars Wiki I had a bunch of these Matchbox Originals, but the only three I have left (pictured below) are the fire truck, the double decker bus, and the tow truck. These cars are apparently authentic recreations of early Matchbox cars, and they even came in a little matchbox. ### 1928 Ford Model A Rice Krispies Truck According to everything I can find on the internet, this was released by Matchbox in 1979, two years before I was born. How I came to get my hands on it, I have no idea. I think it was a send-away from Kellogg's Rice Krispies cereal. The only explanation I can think of is that it was re-released at some point when I was a kid. I like it, though. ### Simpsons Cars In 1990, Hot Wheels came out with a line of cars from _The Simpsons_ that you could look into and view a little picture. I used to have the family van too, but I still have Homer's nuclear waste van. Here's what you get to see when you look inside: Much later, in 2015, Hot Wheels released some more _Simpsons_ vehicles. This is the Simpsons family car, although they seem to have omitted the trademark bent coat hanger radio antenna. What's the sticker price? $82,000?! This monstrosity cost $82,000?! Oh wait, that sticker says I only paid $7.99 at Rider's. Phew. Some things never go out of style, like tail fins and bubble domes, and shag carpeting. I really love this car! I'm not sure if they came out with other episode specific Hot Wheels from _The Simpsons_ , but I'd love to see some like Mr. Plow, Otto's school bus, Superintendent Chalmers' Honda, Li'l Bandit, Moe's car with the rubber hippie daisy on the hood, and the Canyonero. --- Photo credit: Frinkiac ### Super Mario Cars In 2015, Hot Wheels came out with a line of Super Mario related cars to celebrate the 30th anniversary of _Super Mario Bros._ I tried my darndest to find and buy them all, but the only ones I could get my hands on were _Super Mario Bros._ and _Super Mario Bros. 3_. They also came out with _Super Mario Bros. 2_ , _Super Mario World_ , and _Super Mario Kart_ cars. Then in 2016, they released a line of Mario character cars. The only one I could find was Bowser, but they also released one for Mario, Luigi, Toad, Peach, and Yoshi. ### Oscar Mayer Wienermobile You ever order something from the internet and then totally forget about it? This showed up at my house one day last spring, and I thought maybe it was a mistake. But nope, it was addressed to me, and it was in my eBay order history. I love it and I think it's awesome. Despite being a Koegel's man, I love the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, and driving it is on my bucket list. ### Modern Hot Wheels I only buy Hot Wheels these days if they're super interesting to me. These two are super cool. Roller Toaster? I always thought the Scion XB looked like a toaster, but this one literally has toast popping out of it! And the stegosaurus car? How could I not buy that? Well, this concludes my long-winded tale of car collecting. I hope you haven't died of boredom.

 I heard the stupidest commercial on the radio just now: **Woman:** He accused me of getting Botox! As if I would actually stick needles in my face! **Man:** What was I supposed to think? Those lines in her forehead were gone! **Woman:** Wow, you actually noticed? I guess I could be your trophy wife now! What a loving husband. If I did that with my girlfriend it would go like this: **Girlfriend:** He accused me of getting Botox! As if I would actually stick needles in my face! **Me (Through a wired jaw):** But those lines in your forehead are gone! **Girlfriend:** But the lines on yours aren’t! _(She slams my face in a hot George Foreman grill)_ What kind of partner comes home from work, looks lovingly at their spouse, and says, “Honey, did you get Botox? What happened to your basset-hound like appearance? I can’t hide change in the deep crevices in your forehead anymore!”

Today I was flipping the channels looking for that soap opera full of busty women on Univision, when I came across this show, Teletubbies on PBS. Man, that show will make you bash in your own skull. It started out with this pinwheel spinning around and this sun with a baby’s face in it. Then there was this farting sound and this thing that looked like a periscope popped out of the ground. A British woman said, “Time for Teletubbies” about eight times, and then these multi colored monkeys with sex toys on their heads lined up and announced their gibberish names. After that, they all started fucking each other. Well, it may have been a group hug, I wasn’t sure, I shut my eyes. Then that farting periscope popped out again and the British woman said, “Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down.” The monkeys started giggling and screamed, “Again!” and the British woman said it another five thousand times or so. “Going up…” said the British lady. The green monkey and the yellow monkey went up to the top of the hill. “Going down!” They walked down while giggling. This happened over and over again until I wanted to throw a ketchup bottle through the screen, as my grandpa often threatens. All the monkeys started running around and they laid down on the ground and started having seizures. Then the red one’s stomach turned into a TV and a group of the dumbest looking kids you've ever seen appeared and just screamed at the top of their for no reason! Unfortunately, nobody was there to send them back to the coal mines. All of the kids introduced themselves, and they all had awful names like Caleb. I think there may have been three Calebs. Anyway, they all darted behind a hill and shouted, “UP!” All of their heads came popping up like a Whack-A-Mole game, but unfortunately they were on TV so there was no way to hit them. Then they all screamed “DOWN!” and all of them ducked down (except for a couple of especially dumb kids who just stood there with shit-eating grins on their faces). They did that about thirty times or so. After all the kids shrieked goodbye, it went back to the monkeys. All the monkeys seemed disappointed that the screaming children were gone, so they started crying, “Again, again!” And sure enough, they showed the whole freaking thing again! The entire segment! From start to finish! They could make an entire season of this show in a day! There was more screaming and giggling, but fortunately I went into a stress-induced coma and when I woke up, Red Green was on. Hhhhhell yeah! Keep your stick on the ice!

Once I sent in a script to The X-Files. They sent back a rejection letter and they appear to have spit into the envelope. I'm not sure why, the script was better than half of the episodes they air! **Beev:** AAAAH! _Alien eats his face_ **Eugene:** NOOOOO! _Alien shoots him in the spine with a ray gun_ _Later…_ **Mulder:** What do you suppose happened here, Scully? **Scully:** Who cares? Let’s get naked and do it. **Mulder:** Did you bring the whipped cream? **Scully:** You bet _They begin undr—_ __**CENSORED**__ __** **__ Hello, this is the owner of GeoCites, Mr. G. O'City. I’m sorry to report that this GeoCites page owner has violated the codes of GeoCites and their Free Home Pages. Zach will receive a warning. If it happens again, it will result in loss of GeoCites membership, which I remind you is FREE!