Just had this weird thought, how I used to stay up on daylight saving to watch the cable box change automatically. That was the first device we had growing up that did that, before even our computer. And then I pictured myself in a rocking chair, turning to dust as I recount this to grandchildren

Me yelling advice at a 4-month-old YouTube video of a video game playthrough: This is helpful. I’m helping.

Considering the ratio of stakes to offense taken, there is nothing more offensive than being accused of being asleep when you clearly were not