ur right tho these are certainly anhedonic thoughts that I'm having

I think it's less about whether I deserve happiness and more about how it just doesn't tend to happen. not that it doesn't tend to happen to *me* but I just don't think happiness is a very accessible thing in the human consciousness

I'm not even sad or nun I don't feel any particular way about this I think

what's the point in telling ppl I'm NB if nobody ever has respected that? what's the point in tryna come outta my shell with a couple ppl and be less secretive about my hobbies (particularly being a furry)? I get absolutely no pleasure out of being known but at the same time I'm so lonely

especially like, a relationship or super close friendships. anything serious like that. I've gotten myself hurt enough times

mayb it's just the seasonal but I'm not sure where to go from here. ain't felt like offing myself since years ago and that ain't changed or nun so idk, I'm kinda just gonna be sitting here for another 30-50 years probably and really it feels like there's nothing worth bothering with