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Gary Delaney Comedian

@garydelaney.bsky.social

7.2K followers 77 following 450 posts

I’m a British one liner comic. I’m quite rude. Lots of videos of my stuff on line. GaryDelaney.com for other stuff. Next tour probably 2025 or whenever I’ve finished writing it.

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 2h

Apollo quickie.

Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 16h

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 1d

I did but Moose is sound. It’s a fairly obvious gag idea a few people including me have come up with . I had a first run at it in about 2009 then someone in the comments pointed out they heard a similar gag in an some American sit com many years before.

Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 1d

Ivory smugglers? Tsk, tsk!

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 2d

I walked into the fertility clinic. The nurse said I can already tell what the problem is. I said ‘How?’ She said that’s the back door.

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 2d

I got a dent in my car so I took it down the body shop. They said they sadly couldn’t repair it but they could fill it with bath bombs.

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 3d

Old gold. The grief counsellor joke.

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 3d

So anyway a face painter is not the same as a tattoo artist artist and I no longer organise children’s parties.

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 4d

Knights of old never sallied forth without their trusty charger as otherwise their phone would run out.

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 4d

- I see the knights are drawing in.

- Don’t you mean the nights are draw

*GETS RUN THROUGH BY A LANCE*

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 5d

Can’t believe all the idiots on my road have left the wrong bin out.

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 6d

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 6d

For Valentines Day my wife said she wanted to be wooed so I booked us two tickets on a ghost train.

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 7d

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 8d

That’s why someone who didn’t do that might get sacked.

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 8d

Kudos.

Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 8d

I’ve always believed you shouldn’t just go round putting labels on people. Which is why I got fired from the mortuary.

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 9d

I put on a lot of weight

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 9d

I should never have hired a centipede to be my personal trainer. It’s so monotonous...

Leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 9d

I don’t think you need special equipment to climb small mountains and that’s a hill I’m willing to die on.

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 11d

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 12d

Sure I’m bad at spelling but I’m not going to loose any sheep about it.

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 12d

The artic ice is melting. Scientists says it’s global warming but I remember when that happened to my freezer and actually it was just one dodgy seal.

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Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 13d

And if that’s what’s happening then your views on the problem would certainly be welcome.

Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 13d

Possible I might squeeze in one more. This time I’m trying to do fewer previews and more work between each preview (to correct previous mistakes the other way). If I hit show problems early next year I’ll add in more WIPs to fix them and that would be an ideal place for it.