I think I'm doing it wrong

With both arms inexplicably tucked behind you, I assume

we gotta fund corndog wind tunnel tests and also see if the cheese filled corndogs can withstand the g-force

"Cod of War isn't real and can't hurt you"

Cod of War:

broke: laser table
bespoke: testicle spectacle

I'm pretty sure there'll be a few obvious signs before it gets really bad; like dead birds forming a circle around the house, animal bones in the conservatory, blood coming out of the faucet, etc