I will continue to pick up the pieces. I will continue to be the fighter I am. But I will never again be the gem on that Friday morning, before the call. 8.

Secondly: friends don't let friends give character evidence for accused rapists. Stop it. Call your friends on it. If you're asked to provide character evidence just say no. If it's made it to the courts and you weren't there at the time, stay out of it. It's none of your business. How dare you. 7/

No one can prepare you for a Not Guilty. No one can understand it unless they have gone through it. It is torture. And that's even before talking about the process to get there. I had a dream run and it broke me. A broken system breaks people. Stop pressuring women to report. 6/

Every part of my body has struggled against the tide of trauma. I am a broken woman still putting the pieces together.

5 years later I still have two messages I want everyone to know. Firstly: we need to stop the rhetoric that reporting is the only or most appropriate option for everyone. 5/

I'd like to say I wish I could go back in time and reassure that gem that everything was going to be okay, but that would be a lie. The last 5 years have had joy, yes. But they have been tough. Every one of my romantic relationships has been broken or affected by this moment. 4/

After I hung up I dropped to the ground. The scream that came out of me was something I would never forget – even at the time I immediately dissociated, watching my throat run hoarse and my body crumple as if it wasn't even me screaming. In that moment I broke. 3/

I held it together at first – "Why did this happen? What changed the jury's mind?" but this disintegrated quickly. Soon I was choking up, sobbing, pleading "He's going to do it again. I've failed. He's going to hurt someone else." I wish I was wrong about that. 2/