You're telling me that there's a black ichor under the earth, made from the ancient dead, whose burning can realize all the dreams of man but only at the price of slowly returning the earth to its primordial state?

(Yes I would have preferred to #SteppeBro with a horsehair plume helm and Turco-Mongol sabre but beggars can't be choosers and the Nordic option fits my phenotype anyway)

Just want to shake 'em and say "stop it! That's not what those were made for! Those are supposed to be for carnal debauchery too depraved to ask another sapient intelligence to participate in! And you're using them in a workplace! You pervs!"