———
hi! this was written like weeks ago and i only just mustered up the courage to post it.
this wasn’t beta read and i apologize for any typos or grammar mistakes ^^;

little does ghost know, though, that soap will keep waiting outside of the iron walls. he’ll sit and patiently wait for ghost to allow him to claw his way through and slowly erode away at the rot that surrounds his innermost most vulnerable parts of himself with unconditional love. (20/20)

ghost is terrified that soap might leave one day, might get bored of him, or that his most vulnerable of emotions will disgust soap and soap will transfer out of the 141 and oceans away from the disgusting smell of ghost’s rotting heart. (19/20)

but how can you when allowing others to hear you suffer scares you down to your core? how can you stop suffering in silence when it’s the only thing you know how to do? (18/20)

ghost doesn’t want those emotions to rot soap too. he doesn’t want to watch johnny rot away the way he has. the rot is contagious.

he wants to allow himself the love, the care, the acknowledgement. (17/20)

but he doesn’t know. he doesn’t know about the most vulnerable parts of ghost being chained up inside of him, gagged and put in a straight jacket and sealed in a lightless room, far away from where anyone can see it. (16/20)

soap patiently sits outside of the now ultra reinforced wall, impenetrable even by the most advanced of missiles, and waits for the chance to get inside of them, to be able to get to know the most vulnerable parts of ghost. (15/20)

his tears mean nothing and won’t change anything, so he stops shedding them.

along comes soap - a bright eyed sergeant who, from the moment their eyes met, has almost always been by his side. (14/20)

how desperately he wants to have someone /know/ and /acknowledge/ the violent hurricane that makes up what’s left of his mental health - but instead he lays in bed, allowing the black hole to swallow him whole. (13/20)

ghost doesn’t feel anymore. he’s just… /numb/. he has nights where he so desperately wants to scream and cry and tell /someone/ how he’s feeling, show to someone else how he’s struggling and suffering and how he wants to have the pieces of his shattered self gently glued back together - (12/20)

he does it until the feelings erupt one night, not as an explosion of fiery lava and ash but instead as a cosmic supernova. the dying star that was once ghost’s emotions has exploded and created a massive black hole in his chest, swallowing anything and everything. (11/20)

he just works, works, and /works/, keeps working and training to get rid of the deep pit that keeps eating away at his chest. (10/20)

the bubbling magma of red hot feelings slowly climbs it’s way out of it’s buried pit in the crust that was ghost’s skin, creeping up and up through the main vent that was his throat, threatening to explode into a vicious eruption - but ghost never acknowledges it.

he never has to. (9/20)

despite this mindset, the repressed emotions slowly bubble up inside of him, slowly rotting away at his core, slowly eating away at his being. (8/20)

after he’s brought back from the dead, after he disposes of everything that’s killed him and is essentially bought to be used as a living(?) weapon by shepherd, he doesn’t let anyone in on more than they have to know. he doesn’t let /himself/ in on it.

the dead don’t feel emotions. (7/20)

even after he’s captured by the cartel, after his family is murdered by the two traitors, ghost doesn’t let down his rock solid walls. he instead reinforces them with iron. (6/20)