Since I'll never be able to afford to retire, maybe I should just pick a date to unalive myself and plan financially around that
May 2, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Since I'll never be able to afford to retire, maybe I should just pick a date to unalive myself and plan financially around that
Silly markets. When will you learn?
April 8, 2025 at 7:58 PM
Silly markets. When will you learn?
Take it home, wash it off, put it back on. #saturdaymorningadvice
April 5, 2025 at 1:47 PM
Take it home, wash it off, put it back on. #saturdaymorningadvice
Life is more and more like a bad movie.
two people with lollipops in their mouths and the words deep hurting
ALT: two people with lollipops in their mouths and the words deep hurting
media.tenor.com
April 3, 2025 at 12:19 PM
Life is more and more like a bad movie.
I'm 1:16 into The Killing of a Sacred Deer, and if this movie doesn't end with a lemonade contest, I'm going to be very, very upset.
March 22, 2025 at 3:11 AM
I'm 1:16 into The Killing of a Sacred Deer, and if this movie doesn't end with a lemonade contest, I'm going to be very, very upset.
Trying to convince some guys in Pakistan how short my legs are, and now I want to hear the @pattonoswalt.bsky.social bit about the John Varvatos pants again. #dorflegspain
March 19, 2025 at 11:32 PM
Trying to convince some guys in Pakistan how short my legs are, and now I want to hear the @pattonoswalt.bsky.social bit about the John Varvatos pants again. #dorflegspain
I should probably keep this to myself... But I'd like to send a pic of the ball stretcher, cock ring, and two prostate massagers sitting on my bathroom counter right now to the makers of Cymbalta with the message, "LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO."
March 4, 2025 at 7:34 PM
I should probably keep this to myself... But I'd like to send a pic of the ball stretcher, cock ring, and two prostate massagers sitting on my bathroom counter right now to the makers of Cymbalta with the message, "LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO."
Tops had paczki and fastnacht kugels today. Went for the paczki. Fuck my ancestry. 🇵🇱
March 3, 2025 at 6:21 PM
Tops had paczki and fastnacht kugels today. Went for the paczki. Fuck my ancestry. 🇵🇱
Trump and Vance are one pair of boobs I do not like. 🇺🇸
March 1, 2025 at 3:00 AM
Trump and Vance are one pair of boobs I do not like. 🇺🇸
Briefly forgot the word "dermatologist," and, due to whom I told Alexa to remind me to call, I will now have songs by the Spin Doctors stuck in my head all night.
February 27, 2025 at 1:11 AM
Briefly forgot the word "dermatologist," and, due to whom I told Alexa to remind me to call, I will now have songs by the Spin Doctors stuck in my head all night.
Prostate massage chair. I'm just saying.
February 6, 2025 at 9:45 PM
Prostate massage chair. I'm just saying.
Trying to ask Google how to make Google stop asking to "polish" things with AI, and it's telling me how to make Google do things in Polish. The new world is useless to humans.
January 21, 2025 at 2:06 PM
Trying to ask Google how to make Google stop asking to "polish" things with AI, and it's telling me how to make Google do things in Polish. The new world is useless to humans.
More coffee more orgasms less fire ♾️ less Trump
January 10, 2025 at 3:13 PM
More coffee more orgasms less fire ♾️ less Trump
Hi, Prime Minister Starmer. You have nukes. Please do us all a favor and vaporize him. Much appreciated. 🙏
January 7, 2025 at 2:27 PM
Hi, Prime Minister Starmer. You have nukes. Please do us all a favor and vaporize him. Much appreciated. 🙏
If Thomas Aquinas had been an atheist, we would have cured cancer by now.
December 28, 2024 at 3:12 PM
If Thomas Aquinas had been an atheist, we would have cured cancer by now.
Shane MacGowan is dead. Christmas is invalid.
December 25, 2024 at 4:05 PM
Shane MacGowan is dead. Christmas is invalid.
I don't have Christmas wrapping paper. But I do have colored pens. Never have I wanted to be Kate Micucci more than right now.
December 16, 2024 at 2:07 AM
I don't have Christmas wrapping paper. But I do have colored pens. Never have I wanted to be Kate Micucci more than right now.
I'm just going to paste this here with none of my irresponsible thoughts.
December 13, 2024 at 5:08 PM
I'm just going to paste this here with none of my irresponsible thoughts.
Is it just me, or are all cars marketed to assholes?
December 13, 2024 at 12:38 AM
Is it just me, or are all cars marketed to assholes?
Do the apps on my phone have a "STFU about Cyber Monday it's not even Monday" setting no of course they don't
December 1, 2024 at 7:25 PM
Do the apps on my phone have a "STFU about Cyber Monday it's not even Monday" setting no of course they don't
Took the batteries out of a vibrator to put into a Christmas ornament. Assume that usually goes the other way around...
November 29, 2024 at 3:25 AM
Took the batteries out of a vibrator to put into a Christmas ornament. Assume that usually goes the other way around...
OK, let's see how long it takes this account to get random follows from aspiring amateur rhymes with gin doms...
November 20, 2024 at 1:32 PM
OK, let's see how long it takes this account to get random follows from aspiring amateur rhymes with gin doms...