Graeme Writes
@graemeth.bsky.social
I’m writing a modern version of The Old Man And The Sea Sea which will be exactly the same except instead of sharks taking Santiago’s marlin on his way back to Havana he is exploded by a US airstrike.
January 7, 2026 at 8:30 PM
I’m writing a modern version of The Old Man And The Sea Sea which will be exactly the same except instead of sharks taking Santiago’s marlin on his way back to Havana he is exploded by a US airstrike.
Nothing pisses me off more than world leaders making me buy a new map.
January 3, 2026 at 10:27 PM
Nothing pisses me off more than world leaders making me buy a new map.
this how the maga base be actin in a ‘free thinker’ tee
December 20, 2025 at 1:37 PM
this how the maga base be actin in a ‘free thinker’ tee
Don’t you dare disrespect me or my raisins ever again.
December 20, 2025 at 2:25 AM
Don’t you dare disrespect me or my raisins ever again.
and I have to keep paying for this in April or I go to jail?
December 17, 2025 at 3:29 PM
and I have to keep paying for this in April or I go to jail?
At least we have yogurt
December 14, 2025 at 12:25 AM
At least we have yogurt
Adults who drink tea will always just be kids who ate grass.
December 11, 2025 at 1:33 PM
Adults who drink tea will always just be kids who ate grass.
I’d like to apologize to smut club for underdressing. I misunderstood your “members only” sign.
December 11, 2025 at 2:25 AM
I’d like to apologize to smut club for underdressing. I misunderstood your “members only” sign.
You got to remember that from Hegseth’s point of view there were two boats. Sort of blurry and weaving in and out of one another.
December 10, 2025 at 2:15 AM
You got to remember that from Hegseth’s point of view there were two boats. Sort of blurry and weaving in and out of one another.
A lot of the don’t tread on me snakes seem to be on a masochistic streak
December 9, 2025 at 7:40 PM
A lot of the don’t tread on me snakes seem to be on a masochistic streak
someone trying to fertilize eggs is either a prospective dad or misinformed gardener.
December 8, 2025 at 1:37 AM
someone trying to fertilize eggs is either a prospective dad or misinformed gardener.
Albert Einstein married his cousin. That means he discovered relativity AND relative titty.
December 6, 2025 at 1:43 PM
Albert Einstein married his cousin. That means he discovered relativity AND relative titty.
Men and women are both hot. I just don’t understand why anyone would want to live with a man.
December 6, 2025 at 12:57 AM
Men and women are both hot. I just don’t understand why anyone would want to live with a man.
Possessive ghost won’t share my body.
December 4, 2025 at 1:06 PM
Possessive ghost won’t share my body.
In retrospect I shouldn’t have popped my bubblegum during that lockdown drill.
December 3, 2025 at 3:51 PM
In retrospect I shouldn’t have popped my bubblegum during that lockdown drill.
A klutz walks into a bar.
December 2, 2025 at 11:07 PM
A klutz walks into a bar.
To those who doubt the patriarchy I ask you why snow women always have big busts but snow men never have a hog on em.
December 2, 2025 at 12:46 PM
To those who doubt the patriarchy I ask you why snow women always have big busts but snow men never have a hog on em.
Might fuck around and buy a parasol.
December 1, 2025 at 11:28 PM
Might fuck around and buy a parasol.
Yeah, I could go pee right now. But I’d rather challenge myself.
December 1, 2025 at 12:19 PM
Yeah, I could go pee right now. But I’d rather challenge myself.
I’m literally spilling my guts out to this guy and he’s just on his phone the whole time?? calling an ambulance??
November 30, 2025 at 11:25 PM
I’m literally spilling my guts out to this guy and he’s just on his phone the whole time?? calling an ambulance??
Misread the flash mob invitation. Killed an epileptic.
November 30, 2025 at 11:14 AM
Misread the flash mob invitation. Killed an epileptic.
Sometimes I feel like God’s Plan might be more of an improv.
November 29, 2025 at 1:30 PM
Sometimes I feel like God’s Plan might be more of an improv.
Can't believe Trump pardoned the turkey from January 6
November 29, 2025 at 12:53 AM
Can't believe Trump pardoned the turkey from January 6
On my Substack today I covered the biggest stories of September as you can see.
open.substack.com/pub/squeezen...
open.substack.com/pub/squeezen...
October 1, 2025 at 11:31 PM
On my Substack today I covered the biggest stories of September as you can see.
open.substack.com/pub/squeezen...
open.substack.com/pub/squeezen...
Maybe we can convince them that bullets cause autism.
September 25, 2025 at 1:16 AM
Maybe we can convince them that bullets cause autism.