Graham Brack
@grahambrack.bsky.social
Crime novelist and assistant curate in Northamptonshire
“I don’t fancy Mr Scrooge’s Christmas Party. Seven years ago his partner died of boredom during it and it says here the entertainment will be provided by Bob Cratchit and his Tiny Tim. Is that a novelty act?” #GirlsOwnCC
December 28, 2025 at 8:06 PM
“I don’t fancy Mr Scrooge’s Christmas Party. Seven years ago his partner died of boredom during it and it says here the entertainment will be provided by Bob Cratchit and his Tiny Tim. Is that a novelty act?” #GirlsOwnCC
Having failed miserably to capture the photofinish on the way down, Gordon was waiting patiently for the cyclists to return in four days' time with a rather cleverer idea in mind... #GirlsOwnCC
December 14, 2025 at 8:53 PM
Having failed miserably to capture the photofinish on the way down, Gordon was waiting patiently for the cyclists to return in four days' time with a rather cleverer idea in mind... #GirlsOwnCC
"It's a very nice small parlour, I agree, but I don't think one could successfully hold a World Cup draw here."
"Picture it, if you will, Madam, with a lot more cheap bling, some loud music from your youth and half a dozen daiquiris inside you, then see what you think." #GirlsOwnCC
"Picture it, if you will, Madam, with a lot more cheap bling, some loud music from your youth and half a dozen daiquiris inside you, then see what you think." #GirlsOwnCC
December 7, 2025 at 6:11 PM
"It's a very nice small parlour, I agree, but I don't think one could successfully hold a World Cup draw here."
"Picture it, if you will, Madam, with a lot more cheap bling, some loud music from your youth and half a dozen daiquiris inside you, then see what you think." #GirlsOwnCC
"Picture it, if you will, Madam, with a lot more cheap bling, some loud music from your youth and half a dozen daiquiris inside you, then see what you think." #GirlsOwnCC
"How is it you, a man, can work a door handle successfully when that fellow last week had no idea?" #GirlsOwnCC
December 7, 2025 at 6:03 PM
"How is it you, a man, can work a door handle successfully when that fellow last week had no idea?" #GirlsOwnCC
"There was surely no mention of a BDSM-equipped chamber on the estate agents' particulars."
"Hush, Mother. mind your own business."
#GirlsOwnCC
"Hush, Mother. mind your own business."
#GirlsOwnCC
December 7, 2025 at 6:01 PM
"There was surely no mention of a BDSM-equipped chamber on the estate agents' particulars."
"Hush, Mother. mind your own business."
#GirlsOwnCC
"Hush, Mother. mind your own business."
#GirlsOwnCC
Sarah couldn't bear to look as Ernest demonstrated once again how he had failed Advanced Door-Opening at his school by opening the door into his own groin thus ensuring the end of his family's male line. #GirlsOwnCC
November 30, 2025 at 6:31 PM
Sarah couldn't bear to look as Ernest demonstrated once again how he had failed Advanced Door-Opening at his school by opening the door into his own groin thus ensuring the end of his family's male line. #GirlsOwnCC
"They are nice, aren't they? I got them on eBay." #GirlsOwnCC
November 23, 2025 at 6:22 PM
"They are nice, aren't they? I got them on eBay." #GirlsOwnCC
It’s how I was taught to do it.
November 18, 2025 at 4:05 PM
It’s how I was taught to do it.
My midwife cousin baptised children before I got to do it for just that reason.
November 18, 2025 at 4:03 PM
My midwife cousin baptised children before I got to do it for just that reason.
"Excuse me - my husband was here yesterday; can you direct me to a Rubens painting called Three Fat Tarts having a paddle?" #GirlsOwnCC
November 16, 2025 at 6:09 PM
"Excuse me - my husband was here yesterday; can you direct me to a Rubens painting called Three Fat Tarts having a paddle?" #GirlsOwnCC
"I don't care who painted it, dear. I'm just looking for a bluish painting 46 inches by 32 to fit an alcove in the downstairs cloakroom." #GirlsOwnCC
November 16, 2025 at 6:05 PM
"I don't care who painted it, dear. I'm just looking for a bluish painting 46 inches by 32 to fit an alcove in the downstairs cloakroom." #GirlsOwnCC
"There must be *someone* in Yellow Pages who finds missing left legs, Charles." #GirlsOwnCC
November 9, 2025 at 7:53 PM
"There must be *someone* in Yellow Pages who finds missing left legs, Charles." #GirlsOwnCC
"Nineteen years for stealing a loaf of bread, you say? What's wrong with a good old-fashioned hanging like when I was a nipper?" #GirlsOwnCC
November 2, 2025 at 6:26 PM
"Nineteen years for stealing a loaf of bread, you say? What's wrong with a good old-fashioned hanging like when I was a nipper?" #GirlsOwnCC
"Don't worry, Tess. You'll never have to speak to Craig Revel Horwood again." #GirlsOwnCC
October 26, 2025 at 6:19 PM
"Don't worry, Tess. You'll never have to speak to Craig Revel Horwood again." #GirlsOwnCC
“Let’s face it, Daphne, you wouldn’t have to do this if you hadn’t run over Father’s collie.” #GirlsOwnCC
October 19, 2025 at 7:39 PM
“Let’s face it, Daphne, you wouldn’t have to do this if you hadn’t run over Father’s collie.” #GirlsOwnCC
Beryl's Mexican holiday diary. 1. First ever plate of chilli con carne. 2. A certain amount of digestive disturbance. 3. Husband behind me leaves me a widow. #GirlsOwnCC
October 12, 2025 at 5:04 PM
Beryl's Mexican holiday diary. 1. First ever plate of chilli con carne. 2. A certain amount of digestive disturbance. 3. Husband behind me leaves me a widow. #GirlsOwnCC
"That bustle's goin' to 'ave to go dead centre, bosun, or she'll capsize." #GirlsOwnCC
October 5, 2025 at 5:21 PM
"That bustle's goin' to 'ave to go dead centre, bosun, or she'll capsize." #GirlsOwnCC
'Tis no good, Admiral, that disguise ain't foolin' nobody. 'Cept the chaplain, I s'pose, an' 'e don't get out much. #GirlsOwnCC
October 5, 2025 at 5:19 PM
'Tis no good, Admiral, that disguise ain't foolin' nobody. 'Cept the chaplain, I s'pose, an' 'e don't get out much. #GirlsOwnCC
“Yes, we all know you were Mr January in the Pig-Farmers’ Monthly 1865 Calendar, Joe.” #GirlsOwnCC
September 21, 2025 at 6:35 PM
“Yes, we all know you were Mr January in the Pig-Farmers’ Monthly 1865 Calendar, Joe.” #GirlsOwnCC
“Honestly, if my brother doesn’t stop rubbing in that men have pockets and we don’t I may need to borrow Mary’s parasol and erect it where the sun will not shine upon it.” #GirlsOwnCC
September 14, 2025 at 5:25 PM
“Honestly, if my brother doesn’t stop rubbing in that men have pockets and we don’t I may need to borrow Mary’s parasol and erect it where the sun will not shine upon it.” #GirlsOwnCC
“Don’t be such a drama queen, Celia! I’ll go back down and fetch your wretched palette.” #GirlsOwnCC
September 8, 2025 at 1:48 PM
“Don’t be such a drama queen, Celia! I’ll go back down and fetch your wretched palette.” #GirlsOwnCC