I'm not embarrassed that a friend of King Pedo of Pedo Island doesn't like it here lol. Also, Reddit is pretty sure it's Bobby Slayton.

🙄🙄 except not at all.

Did a 13 year old write this in their diary?

Watching Misery with my cats.

Jesus loves a good spankin

Ooof 🤣🤣🤣

So exciting! Congrats!

I bought it to put in a White Elephant

I've avoided it for so long because I assumed too much. I ain't got nothing planned for the morning. Going to give it a shot and get really upset and sad.

It all sounds like a Tumblr post

When my grandma was put on hospice, it was sudden and I didn't know what I could do to help. The Onion was sitting at my door when I got home from work, so I just brought it to the hospital. Definitely better than flowers 🤷‍♀️