What’s the sad dad energy coming from that cigar?

He was sued for false advertising, so had to return to his given name

I think we’re all mostly waiting for the front page of every newspaper with news of wonder and joy

Please. “Benevolent Leader doesn’t touch peasants” will be much more the vibe

I don’t think my wife believes me when I tell her my Kuhn Rikon can opener is genuinely one of the best things she’s ever gotten me. Function is the way directly to my heart

If I were Santa staring at those pearly chompers, I’d be wondering if I would be enjoyed with a good Chianti

Oh my goodness, while Ginni waited wantonly in bed for Little Thomas to return, she idly scrolled through her phone and found some BIG Epstein references to Dear Husband. Goodness!!

Have fun! All you have to do is add the starters, I have a feeling we can come up with the big reveals

We know the obvious one. Supply an adjective, an adverb, and maybe an exclamation and let the replies go where they will. I’ll start:

Clarence Thomas |big| wantonly |Oh my goodness!

Replace Rob Reiner with Donald Trump in that sentence and you get a very cleaned up version of what the vast majority of the country actually thinks. Though when that bright day finally arrives, I imagine the “eulogies” for Trump will be more colorful, mostly because smarter people will say them

I’d love to believe she’s fed up with this, but realistically she’s just smelling where the wind is blowing. Massie strangely seems more sincere, but maybe I don’t know him well enough. I hope everyone has enough Republican trust issues to not take this change at face value

Same. That’s why it struck me. Would be completely ordinary in a lot of places, but given the subject matter at hand it lends itself to entirely warranted speculation

Did Epstein have small kids? Why is there a child-size art easel in the photo with Bannon and Woody Allen?

Best heard in the voice of little Ralphie Wiggums

They realize that no one actually cared when Epstein got murdered, right? That doesn’t play out the same if it’s someone most people like and respect

Have the democrats never heard of overthrowing their own leadership? I sincerely hope we have a black Speaker someday soon, and I would say I don’t care if that person is Jeffries, but at this point I actively want him gone from leadership entirely. He and Schumer are terrible wastes of space

If I look up “felching” am I going to be in violation of local laws? Tennessee won’t even let us look at Pornhub, and this feels dirtier than Pornhub

If you didn’t trademark “Sky Laws”, you’re missing out on a hundreds of dollars (potentially) opportunity