Try pointing at the remains of your meal and shouting, "you did this!" because it's the food's fault for being so delicious. Deflecting shame through blame is the American way.

The migraine pill didn't work because it was a tension headache. I spent five or six hours in pain before remembering to try Advil and just like that, I was cured. I never feel like a real adult because I'm so frequently an idiot.