that's how it gets you

sorry for all this, if anyone's looking. screaming into the void is easier than confronting any of this. but there is a pathetic part of me that wants to be seen at the same time. maybe that will die out, too, at some point. who knows.

it's nice to feel this way, to have a sort of idealistic view of something, but it's unsustainable. it's not going to go anywhere, so why bother feeding the flames? just let it die out. it's easier this way. less hurt.

besides I don't think anyone really cares to hear about it. or at least if I convince myself that's true I won't linger on it and the feelings will go away. or something.

it's better to just assume nothing and push the feelings away than give myself false hope for something that will never happen, yk? maybe it's not healthy but it works and that's all I've got going for me right now.

"haha yeah um lowkey I don't feel whole when you're not around and telling you 'I love you' doesn't fully encapsulate what I feel when I'm with you."