Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 15h

Same QVC hosts have sequentially eaten coffee cake, almond cookies, sampled six types of Kevin O'Leary acid wine, steak salad, and they are now consuming flavored pecans. I hope there is a gastroenterologist on set. Actually, I hope there is not a gastroenterologist on set.

1

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 16h

I would like to know the current suicide rates among investigative journalists please.

1

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 16h

James Comey should just move to Hawaii and begin to dress like Magnum P.I. Nothing really matters anymore anyway.

1

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 16h

There was a time not too long ago if ICE agents tried to enforce any kind of law in Chicago the Mafia would have taken care of it for us all.

1

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 16h

Students who did not even have language acquisition in the year 2009 now direct quoting Bobby from King of the Hill is really beginning to freak me out.

1

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 17h

The number of QVC hosts that could direct sell the American public bulk or individual amounts of cocaine is even higher than you would guess.

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 17h

QVC hosts eating big bites of Rachelli 4.5 lbs Pre-sliced 10'' Cannoli Cake like starved Gremlins.

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 17h

I had a batch of poems processed and rejected so quickly it was as if I had submitted to the one 911 operator servicing a small town where no accidents happen.

3

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 17h

The 1973 tv film version of Frankenstein is so bad I cannot even discuss it on social media. I will need a long boardroom table full of people in person to talk about it.

1

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 3d

News was so predictable and irrelevant in 1991, that epileptic woman whose seizures were specifically triggered by the voice of Entertainment Tonight co-host Mary Hart was something all moms in my neighborhood discussed for over two months.

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 4d

QVC is selling 1.3. gallon ultrasonic humidifiers that are almost three feet tall and shaped like wine bottles.

1

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 4d

Scrubbing bubbled my shower like a crime scene. Everything now smells like the YMCA in here.

1

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 4d

If anything gave us all autism it was Fritos.

2

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 4d

I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign, life is demanding without understanding. Hold up, what does this even mean?

1

Reposted by Jeffrey Hecker

James Hughes @dystopian-fashion.bsky.social · 5d

6 15

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 4d

Grimes collect-called from Geneva Switzerland to report she is really having a fantastic time. Um, still going to need an autobiography this year Grimes, a tell-all autobiography please.

1

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 4d

QVC hosts wearing Christmas sweaters on October 4th which would have definitely gotten them burned at stakes back in the day.

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 4d

Told my whole class I am convinced Poe died of cooping and explained it and they all had their mouths open.

1

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 4d

Once my high school friends and I saw a teacher we did not like on a blind date at a bowling alley and we bowled in the lane next to them for two hours.

1

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 4d

You can listen to the entire Rhythm Is A Dancer during the stargate sequence of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

1

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 4d

Heard La Bouche from a bodega and thought I was in heaven for a second.

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 4d

The entire government can really just kiss my entire ass, sincerely.

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 4d

Feels like by midterm elections I will be in some kind of catacombs with my mouth full of mortar like Fortunato.

1

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 4d

I wish cats could be walked around on a little leash in public.

1

Jeffrey Hecker @heckheck03.bsky.social · 4d

I just told a stranger on the street I was a finalist for the Laurel Review 2025 Midwest Chapbook Contest and he did not reply but he will remember it.