It's Cyber Monday! Santa came early, and Mrs. Claus is pissed.
November 30, 2025 at 2:48 PM
It's Cyber Monday! Santa came early, and Mrs. Claus is pissed.
Fuck Twitter. They were written into a joke, but all of GA's content has been removed. GA got the #JimmyKimmrl treatment over there. Nothing but BlueSky.
November 29, 2025 at 2:40 AM
Fuck Twitter. They were written into a joke, but all of GA's content has been removed. GA got the #JimmyKimmrl treatment over there. Nothing but BlueSky.
SEE YOU TONIGHT, WEST PALM!
October 7, 2025 at 5:13 PM
SEE YOU TONIGHT, WEST PALM!
And, just like that, @jimmykimmel.com is back. He should extend a guest invitation to Mr Smileyface here. They can commiserate and talk about what it's like to have a show canceled. One of them is back; the other's career is over.
September 22, 2025 at 8:40 PM
And, just like that, @jimmykimmel.com is back. He should extend a guest invitation to Mr Smileyface here. They can commiserate and talk about what it's like to have a show canceled. One of them is back; the other's career is over.
Gary Allen sees that Facebook now has a thing where you can designate yourself a "Digital Creator." Many high school boys in the 1980s were...how you call? "Digital Creators."
September 22, 2025 at 1:08 AM
Gary Allen sees that Facebook now has a thing where you can designate yourself a "Digital Creator." Many high school boys in the 1980s were...how you call? "Digital Creators."
Where in the world is Gary Allen? Well, he ain't gone just yet, so to hell with all of you who wished it. And for those of you just joining the stupidity, "Oh, hi."
August 26, 2025 at 5:15 PM
Where in the world is Gary Allen? Well, he ain't gone just yet, so to hell with all of you who wished it. And for those of you just joining the stupidity, "Oh, hi."
How hot is the weather in South Florida right now? For once in his life, Gary Allen's not the hottest thing happening.
July 12, 2025 at 9:27 PM
How hot is the weather in South Florida right now? For once in his life, Gary Allen's not the hottest thing happening.
Gary Allen has heard differing theories on accepting social media friend requests but has his own. What is his secret? See you at the next appearance.
July 6, 2025 at 3:41 PM
Gary Allen has heard differing theories on accepting social media friend requests but has his own. What is his secret? See you at the next appearance.
Gary Allen's never been a fashionista, but he's got thoughts on a fashion trend that has made its way around social media recently.
June 30, 2025 at 5:57 PM
Gary Allen's never been a fashionista, but he's got thoughts on a fashion trend that has made its way around social media recently.
In the words of the late, great Ted Cherry, "Lemme tell you this." GA's agent smacked it out of the park, talking with someone over dinner tonight about an appearance or few. Look out, Boynton Beach, Florida, you could be the next stop while the tour is on a brief hiatus for the holiday week.
June 24, 2025 at 1:57 AM
In the words of the late, great Ted Cherry, "Lemme tell you this." GA's agent smacked it out of the park, talking with someone over dinner tonight about an appearance or few. Look out, Boynton Beach, Florida, you could be the next stop while the tour is on a brief hiatus for the holiday week.
Nothing sucks worse for a standup comedian than barely being able to stand up. GA's ego is slightly bruised, but fine after a tumble in a parking lot last night laid him out on hot pavement like a pancake on a griddle. There will eventually be a joke about it. You're gonna have to wait a bit.
June 11, 2025 at 11:07 AM
Nothing sucks worse for a standup comedian than barely being able to stand up. GA's ego is slightly bruised, but fine after a tumble in a parking lot last night laid him out on hot pavement like a pancake on a griddle. There will eventually be a joke about it. You're gonna have to wait a bit.
Comedy writing itself makes Gary Allen's job SO MUCH easier. See you this summer, Delray Beach. Arts Garage is the place. Date TBA.
June 7, 2025 at 5:23 PM
Comedy writing itself makes Gary Allen's job SO MUCH easier. See you this summer, Delray Beach. Arts Garage is the place. Date TBA.
Just added: Gary Allen is planning to appear at Arts Garage in Delray Beach, Florida over the summer. There's just nothing firm to write home about yet. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
May 18, 2025 at 5:04 PM
Just added: Gary Allen is planning to appear at Arts Garage in Delray Beach, Florida over the summer. There's just nothing firm to write home about yet. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
It's almost Easter. Where my Peeps at on BlueSky?
March 31, 2025 at 5:03 PM
It's almost Easter. Where my Peeps at on BlueSky?
GA finds comedy and audiences everywhere. He went to a funeral on Sunday. It's not a funeral if there's no fun in it. Looking around, he noted that one could pick any two names and have the name of a law firm. Then, he looked at the eue cards. Family laughed. "Injured in an accident? Call.."
February 17, 2025 at 5:59 AM
GA finds comedy and audiences everywhere. He went to a funeral on Sunday. It's not a funeral if there's no fun in it. Looking around, he noted that one could pick any two names and have the name of a law firm. Then, he looked at the eue cards. Family laughed. "Injured in an accident? Call.."
Gary Allen is a little behind on his whining about The President. When the fountain of bullshit flows so much, it's difficult to keep up. He rooted for The Chiefs last weekend. The next morning?
February 12, 2025 at 8:23 AM
Gary Allen is a little behind on his whining about The President. When the fountain of bullshit flows so much, it's difficult to keep up. He rooted for The Chiefs last weekend. The next morning?
Gary Allen's team is working on getting the next tour sponsored by a certain deodorant that's running a TV ad blitz right now because he's got a lot of thoughts on the stuff. So, @lumedeodorant.bsky.social , are you in?
February 12, 2025 at 8:17 AM
Gary Allen's team is working on getting the next tour sponsored by a certain deodorant that's running a TV ad blitz right now because he's got a lot of thoughts on the stuff. So, @lumedeodorant.bsky.social , are you in?
Everyone has different standards for adding friends on social media. What does it take to get onto Gary Allen's list? You'll hear about it on stage.
January 27, 2025 at 1:53 AM
Everyone has different standards for adding friends on social media. What does it take to get onto Gary Allen's list? You'll hear about it on stage.
What I imagine will happen in DC on Monday. No caption necessary.
January 17, 2025 at 6:45 PM
What I imagine will happen in DC on Monday. No caption necessary.
How old is Mr. Gary Allen? Oh, shit, there's a whole joke about it. You can find out at the next one of these exclusive events. Tickets for today's appearance are gone. Please keep the great people of LA in mind this week. Give wck.org a gift for GA's birthday.
January 15, 2025 at 5:55 AM
How old is Mr. Gary Allen? Oh, shit, there's a whole joke about it. You can find out at the next one of these exclusive events. Tickets for today's appearance are gone. Please keep the great people of LA in mind this week. Give wck.org a gift for GA's birthday.
Happy New Year from your friends at The Gary Allen Show. THANKS FOR LISTENING!
January 4, 2025 at 8:11 PM
Happy New Year from your friends at The Gary Allen Show. THANKS FOR LISTENING!
Who's the absolutely incompetent person who decided to hire Elon Musk to work with Vivek Ramaswamy? Oh, that schmuck.
January 2, 2025 at 7:39 AM
Who's the absolutely incompetent person who decided to hire Elon Musk to work with Vivek Ramaswamy? Oh, that schmuck.
Gary Allen has resumed Don't Shave December while he gets some well-deserved R&R in Palm Beach County, Florida. I'm sure some jokes about a nearby asshole will get written. We'd try them on him, but he is no Chris Christie. This schmuck has absolutely zero sense of humor.
December 27, 2024 at 4:18 AM
Gary Allen has resumed Don't Shave December while he gets some well-deserved R&R in Palm Beach County, Florida. I'm sure some jokes about a nearby asshole will get written. We'd try them on him, but he is no Chris Christie. This schmuck has absolutely zero sense of humor.
Guys, take GA's advice. He's been around the block a few times. Work romances can be dicey unless the boss signs off on them. Just don't stain the office carpet. IJS. And don't press your fucking luck and try for a work three-way, unless she's from HR, in which case nobody will hear about it.
December 27, 2024 at 4:00 AM
Guys, take GA's advice. He's been around the block a few times. Work romances can be dicey unless the boss signs off on them. Just don't stain the office carpet. IJS. And don't press your fucking luck and try for a work three-way, unless she's from HR, in which case nobody will hear about it.
A warning if you're thinking about heckling GA at a show, just remember who's the one with a microphone in his hand for the purpose of making people laugh. That's why they pay GA the big bucks.
December 20, 2024 at 1:55 PM
A warning if you're thinking about heckling GA at a show, just remember who's the one with a microphone in his hand for the purpose of making people laugh. That's why they pay GA the big bucks.