(Master & Commander opening title card font)

MARCH - 2020
COVID RAVAGES THE GLOBE
NO PLACE OF BUSINESS IS SAFE TO ENTER
GIRLFRIENDS ARE NOW BARBERS

Pausing The Ring video too long and accidentally trapping Samara in my Roku City screensaver

If you start reading Fellowship of the Ring at exactly 8:24 pm on NYE, Gandalf will fall off the Bridge of Khazad-dûm at midnight! Hmm, actually I guess what part you get to will depend on how you fast you can read. I'm sorry everyone, I didn't think this through at all.

“Bro, last night was a movie based on an award-winning stage play” (We never left the living room)

Excited for a brand new generation of Wicked fans to read the first 50 or so pages of one of the weirdest novels ever written

Me perfectly keeping all the musical themes and leitmotifs from Wicked Part One in my head for a full calendar year until Wicked Part Two releases

1940s guy walking out of the movie Cat People: A dame turning into a big cat… pretty screwy, eh pal?
His buddy who would be a furry if it were 80 years later: I think I hauve influenza

Ducking out of Mass early so me and my sons Linus, Cletus, Clement, Sixtus, & Cornelius can block the path to the donuts and try to convince the other parishioners to join the multi-level marketing scheme we all work for.

If you don’t know to turn down food from a man named “Mr. Beast,” you are failing a test that literally anyone from the 17th century could pass

[sees a weird 20 year old]
Gen Z is so weird 🙄

[sees a weird 60 year old]
Boomers are so weird 🙄

[sees a weird guy my age]
Hmm, must just be a weird guy

Old movie titles are so cool because all the action will take place at a very distinctly named hotel that all the characters name check like 50 times and then the title will be something like "She Was a Woman"

Facebook deserted… Twitter & Reddit dying… TikTok on the verge of banishment… it’s finally time for Hollywood to start cranking out 30 film noir a month again