I have symptoms of pregnancy-induced pica, where I want to eat things like dirt, clay, ash, and chalk, and watching the French Open is NOT helping my cravings.

Not to be dramatic but I deserve an Olympic medal for managing to put on compression socks at 35.5 weeks pregnant.

Husband is way overdue for a haircut. It was starting to look ridiculous—big and poofy—and then suddenly today it circled back around and looks good? It got so long that the wave is coming through and it's curling at his ears like he's some hottie from the class of 2006. WTF.

Just got the test results and yep, sure looks like I have gestational diabetes.

I just . . . ugh.

Just need to document the insane day I've had. Failed my 1-hour glucose test last week, so had to take the 3-hour today. Have to be fasting, which in itself sucks for a pregnant lady, so I show up to the hospital as soon as I can this morning to hopefully get it over with ASAP.

Told my 5 y/o that the baby in my tummy could probably hear him, if he wanted to talk to her, and he tried to open my mouth and shout to her down my throat.

Realized my pregnancies can be summarized as:

Eating makes me feel sick. Not eating makes me feel sick.

Truly a living hell.

Never felt more grown up than just now, hearing my husband sternly tell our kids, "No playing in a construction zone!" as he tries to take apart their bunk bed.

That's something my dad would have said to us, but now I'm on the parent end of it? Too weird.

Ah, Zverev. I hate to see him play, but I love to watch him lose.

I don't begrudge the younger generation discovering older music, but I admit to being a little annoyed about *how* they discover it. You find out about Fleetwood Mac when you're 16 and your dad traps you in his office and makes you listen to Rumours in its entirety—not from a viral 30-second TikTok.

Tried to watch the highlights of the Australian Open final between Keys and Sabalenka and had to turn the volume down to get through it. Sabalenka's screaming—not grunting, let's be real—is unbearable. And that was just the HIGHLIGHTS. Imagine listening to that for 2.5 hours!

Anyway, go Keys ✌️

For the entire 8+ hours I was asleep, I was dreaming that I was stuck building a giant paleolithic diorama for a group project with the most annoying girl from my middle school (Nikki, if you're out there, I'm talking about you).

Woke up so stressed. This is supposed to be my REST time.

Watching A Knight's Tale for the first time in fifteen years and mourning Heath Ledger all over again. The smile, the charm, the sincerity . . . God, what a loss.

My 4 y/o just said "Oh my heck" and I fear we've been in Utah too long.

A little list of what *not* to say to someone who has severe morning sickness/hyperemesis, as someone who's been through it four times now:

- "Have you tried . . ."

Let me stop you right there, especially if you're about to say some basic-ass thing like ginger ale.

Put on a lower-cut top than usual and I've already dropped spaghetti down my shirt twice. Clearly not cut out for the ho life.

Once I witnessed a conversation between a stoic German man and a flamboyantly gay Chinese man in which the Chinese guy said he'd fallen in love with Berlin when he lived there and talked at length about the boyfriend he'd had there.

17-year-old niece said her celebrity crushes are Elijah Wood, Tom Felton, and Finn Wolfhard, and this was my exact reaction.