THIS FUCKER IS THIRSTY SOMEBODY AT PETCO GET THIS DUMB, IDIOTIC, STUPID ANIMAL SOME WATER HE IS FUCKING THIRSTY

KNEE DEEP IN THE AMAZON RAINFOREST KILLING FROGS

IN RUNESCAPE KNEE DEEP IN THE TRENCHES FIGHTING “EVIL CREATURE” SEND HELP

THIS JUST IN: REALLY FUCKING STUPID ELEPHANT NAMED HORTON HAS FELL TO HIS OWN FUCKING DUMB, IDIOTIC FUCKING WITS AND HAS DECIDED THAT THERE ARE LITTLE CREATURES ON THE FUCKING PLANT THATS ON HIS TRUNK. AND I’VE JUST ABOUT HAD ENOUGH OF IT

WHEN I WAS LIKE FIVE I WAS TOLD THAT THE SUN WOULD EXPLODE BUT THEY NEVER TOLD ME WHEN SO I WAS DRINKING THAT APPLE JUICE LIKE AN ALCOHOLIC TRYING TO TAKE THE EDGE OFF

AT THE DRAG SHOW AND ALL THE DRAG QUEENS ARE HITTING ON ME BECAUSE NOT ONE PERSON ON THIS EARTH CAN RESIST A WHITE BOY WITH GLASSES AND IMMACULATE SWAG BUT ALSO BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE I LIKE GETTING IT FROM THE BACK BUT HONESTLY THATS JUST HOW I LOOK

YOU KNOW WE BURNING BRIDGES, ADDRESSING THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, KILLING TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE, AND BUILDING ROME IN A DAY BUT LIKE IN A LITERAL SENSE BECAUSE I HAVE AUTISM

WATCHING WES ANDERSON LIKE I UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT AND TAKING NOTES BECAUSE IM SURROUNDED BY GAY ASS FILM BROS AND I DON’T WANT TO SEEM LIKE IM A POSER OR SOMETHING

ON CHARACTER AI TEXTING ANIME GIRLS GIGGLING AND KICKING MY FEET LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL

WHEN THE BANK MAKES BATMAN CREDITS CARDS IM DMING THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC AND RUBBING IT IN HIS FACE OR SOMETHING

ARMS SO WIGGLY THEY CALL ME MR WORM (trademarked if you didn’t know)

YOU KNOW WE EATING GRANDMAS FAMOUS BEAN DIP

IN THE MCDONALDS BEHIND THE COUNTER BLASTING FETTY WAP BECAUSE I AM SO FUNNY BECAUSE IM A PUBLIC NUISANCE AND IM AN ASSHOLE