Garry Myrwold
@honeybunny123.bsky.social
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
November 23, 2024 at 7:02 PM
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
November 23, 2024 at 7:00 PM
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
November 23, 2024 at 6:59 PM
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
November 23, 2024 at 6:58 PM
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
I wish I could Google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed.
November 23, 2024 at 6:58 PM
I wish I could Google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.
November 22, 2024 at 8:19 PM
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
November 22, 2024 at 8:18 PM
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
November 22, 2024 at 8:17 PM
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
November 22, 2024 at 8:16 PM
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
November 21, 2024 at 8:04 PM
You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
November 21, 2024 at 8:03 PM
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
Is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
November 21, 2024 at 8:01 PM
Is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
November 21, 2024 at 8:00 PM
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
November 20, 2024 at 8:25 PM
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
I`ve eaten enough chinese food in my day that my fortune cookies have started to contradict one another.
November 20, 2024 at 8:06 PM
I`ve eaten enough chinese food in my day that my fortune cookies have started to contradict one another.
I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
November 20, 2024 at 8:06 PM
I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
November 20, 2024 at 8:04 PM
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
November 20, 2024 at 8:02 PM
When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court.
November 19, 2024 at 7:55 PM
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court.
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
November 19, 2024 at 7:53 PM
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
If there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
November 19, 2024 at 7:50 PM
If there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
I’m cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
November 19, 2024 at 7:49 PM
I’m cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.
November 18, 2024 at 9:56 PM
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s.
November 18, 2024 at 9:54 PM
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s.
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
November 18, 2024 at 9:53 PM
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.