Impulsive J. Stories
@impulsivestories.bsky.social
I use all the characters available to tell silly little stories. Also @odd-doods.bsky.social
Once...? Once or twice before had the bells rung out the defeat of the army defending Molt Tower. The bells were large and rang deep, a knell that sounded clear through the valley, all the way to the village of Toyota (no relation) where the farmer Howard heard and said, "There goes old Molt again."
March 29, 2025 at 1:02 AM
Once...? Once or twice before had the bells rung out the defeat of the army defending Molt Tower. The bells were large and rang deep, a knell that sounded clear through the valley, all the way to the village of Toyota (no relation) where the farmer Howard heard and said, "There goes old Molt again."
A pickled piece of Polly polluted Patrick's pool.
"Who pickled Polly?" Patrick pouted. "My prized pomeranian, pride of Petuniaville, disgracefully drowned in vinegar and devoured. What dreadful demon dared destroy this dog?"
"I did," said Bickle the Pickler. "Never pickled dog before. Also I swam."
"Who pickled Polly?" Patrick pouted. "My prized pomeranian, pride of Petuniaville, disgracefully drowned in vinegar and devoured. What dreadful demon dared destroy this dog?"
"I did," said Bickle the Pickler. "Never pickled dog before. Also I swam."
February 13, 2025 at 8:06 PM
A pickled piece of Polly polluted Patrick's pool.
"Who pickled Polly?" Patrick pouted. "My prized pomeranian, pride of Petuniaville, disgracefully drowned in vinegar and devoured. What dreadful demon dared destroy this dog?"
"I did," said Bickle the Pickler. "Never pickled dog before. Also I swam."
"Who pickled Polly?" Patrick pouted. "My prized pomeranian, pride of Petuniaville, disgracefully drowned in vinegar and devoured. What dreadful demon dared destroy this dog?"
"I did," said Bickle the Pickler. "Never pickled dog before. Also I swam."
February 6, 2025 at 12:26 AM
There once was a man I knew, who would cry "why should I care?" when he heard of harm done to others. Then he would cry, "why will no one listen to my struggles?" when he was feeling sad. I could not convince him that care given is care returned. I left him to his individualism to be with my people.
January 25, 2025 at 6:34 PM
There once was a man I knew, who would cry "why should I care?" when he heard of harm done to others. Then he would cry, "why will no one listen to my struggles?" when he was feeling sad. I could not convince him that care given is care returned. I left him to his individualism to be with my people.
As I stumbled through the endless, pale yellow halls, fluorescent lights casting their buzzing glow, I came upon a massive room. Only the light from the hall behind me penetrated the gloom - but with that little light, I saw, scattered on the floor about my feet, and lining infinite shelves: books!
January 22, 2025 at 10:30 PM
As I stumbled through the endless, pale yellow halls, fluorescent lights casting their buzzing glow, I came upon a massive room. Only the light from the hall behind me penetrated the gloom - but with that little light, I saw, scattered on the floor about my feet, and lining infinite shelves: books!
A face appeared in the fog before me, glowing faintly blue and grinning.
"Hello, George," said the face. "For only nine ninety-five a month, you can upgrade to Premium Limbo, which has fifty percent more ambiance."
I struggled to identify what currency was required, and my afterlife remained Basic.
"Hello, George," said the face. "For only nine ninety-five a month, you can upgrade to Premium Limbo, which has fifty percent more ambiance."
I struggled to identify what currency was required, and my afterlife remained Basic.
January 16, 2025 at 4:36 PM
A face appeared in the fog before me, glowing faintly blue and grinning.
"Hello, George," said the face. "For only nine ninety-five a month, you can upgrade to Premium Limbo, which has fifty percent more ambiance."
I struggled to identify what currency was required, and my afterlife remained Basic.
"Hello, George," said the face. "For only nine ninety-five a month, you can upgrade to Premium Limbo, which has fifty percent more ambiance."
I struggled to identify what currency was required, and my afterlife remained Basic.
Brandawn lost all his beans on the day before the Beanbake. If Brandawn had been a basic Beanbaker, this might not have caused issue. As he was the Beanbakeburgermeister of Beanbakeburg, being beanless was bad. At the Beanbake, Brandawn was de-meistered and replaced by Hreg Hronson, who ate no bean.
January 15, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Brandawn lost all his beans on the day before the Beanbake. If Brandawn had been a basic Beanbaker, this might not have caused issue. As he was the Beanbakeburgermeister of Beanbakeburg, being beanless was bad. At the Beanbake, Brandawn was de-meistered and replaced by Hreg Hronson, who ate no bean.
Next time you fail at something, remember that the universe will one day succumb to the eternal hunger of Gal'Galagala the Devourer, the Lurking Appetite, the Never-Sated, whose teeth are galaxies, and whose stomach holds the fire of a thousand thousand suns, so your efforts are meaningless anyway.
January 14, 2025 at 4:13 PM
Next time you fail at something, remember that the universe will one day succumb to the eternal hunger of Gal'Galagala the Devourer, the Lurking Appetite, the Never-Sated, whose teeth are galaxies, and whose stomach holds the fire of a thousand thousand suns, so your efforts are meaningless anyway.
I walked into a web this morning, and that was just the start! As I spat sticky threads, I stepped into a puddle up to my ankle, resulting in soggy shoes. Then, all spider-silked and soaked, I was scooped up by a massive hawk who flew me to her nest and made me read Clifford to her gigantic babies.
January 8, 2025 at 3:58 PM
I walked into a web this morning, and that was just the start! As I spat sticky threads, I stepped into a puddle up to my ankle, resulting in soggy shoes. Then, all spider-silked and soaked, I was scooped up by a massive hawk who flew me to her nest and made me read Clifford to her gigantic babies.
We hiked for days, up and up Mount Mountain, on winding, switch-backing trails. Behind us, the wailing dead stumbled, unsensing, now a force of nature not of life, a tidal wave of rot and sorrow. They could not follow, but their wail did. We pretended it was the wind. This brought us little comfort.
January 7, 2025 at 4:51 PM
We hiked for days, up and up Mount Mountain, on winding, switch-backing trails. Behind us, the wailing dead stumbled, unsensing, now a force of nature not of life, a tidal wave of rot and sorrow. They could not follow, but their wail did. We pretended it was the wind. This brought us little comfort.
The fourth time I saw the glowing red fish, I grabbed it. It wriggled and flopped in my hand, squeaking and squawking. It was an odd fish, and it was spooking the seals. I was tired of dealing with the leavings of anxious seals, so I cooked the fish and ate it for dinner. So that's why I'm glowing.
January 6, 2025 at 11:27 PM
The fourth time I saw the glowing red fish, I grabbed it. It wriggled and flopped in my hand, squeaking and squawking. It was an odd fish, and it was spooking the seals. I was tired of dealing with the leavings of anxious seals, so I cooked the fish and ate it for dinner. So that's why I'm glowing.
Crumpets tumbled from Connor Killroy's crumpet cart, careened across the carriageway, and crashed into Kerry Colleen Coolidge's crustard cache. The consequent combination of crumpet and custard caused a continuous quantum consumption cascade, creating colossal currents of chronal corruption. Crikey!
January 3, 2025 at 7:56 PM
Crumpets tumbled from Connor Killroy's crumpet cart, careened across the carriageway, and crashed into Kerry Colleen Coolidge's crustard cache. The consequent combination of crumpet and custard caused a continuous quantum consumption cascade, creating colossal currents of chronal corruption. Crikey!
A chill came over me as I stared into the abyss and found it to be looking the other way. I tossed a pebble to get the abyss's attention, but it merely phased into a new reality unnoticed. I shouted into the abyss and received not even a glance, nor echo. Alas. Sometimes the abyss doesn't gaze back.
January 1, 2025 at 10:04 PM
A chill came over me as I stared into the abyss and found it to be looking the other way. I tossed a pebble to get the abyss's attention, but it merely phased into a new reality unnoticed. I shouted into the abyss and received not even a glance, nor echo. Alas. Sometimes the abyss doesn't gaze back.
Everyone ate grapes the day the whale waved goodbye. Big, juicy grapes in honor of a big, juicy whale. It was time for the whale to return to Jupiter, where it had been 3D extruded. Everyone said the grapes were a nice touch, even Algallan who didn't think the whale should have to leave. But it did.
December 30, 2024 at 3:46 PM
Everyone ate grapes the day the whale waved goodbye. Big, juicy grapes in honor of a big, juicy whale. It was time for the whale to return to Jupiter, where it had been 3D extruded. Everyone said the grapes were a nice touch, even Algallan who didn't think the whale should have to leave. But it did.
Ron jumped big. He jumped so big you don't even know. Ron was the world's best jumper until one jump took him to outer space. Ron was surprised that he could breathe in space, and he floated all the way to Mars, where he became the Mars's biggest jumper. Ron's jumping star is on the rise, as is Ron.
December 28, 2024 at 4:10 AM
Ron jumped big. He jumped so big you don't even know. Ron was the world's best jumper until one jump took him to outer space. Ron was surprised that he could breathe in space, and he floated all the way to Mars, where he became the Mars's biggest jumper. Ron's jumping star is on the rise, as is Ron.
Nobody expected Abergond Wingerminger to shut up but for the entire month of Januar in the year eighteen oh fourteen the disgraced mayor of Huberville did jist that. No one heard a single word from Abergond until he stubbed his toe very publicly and shouted, "fucking toe I'll fucking chop em ouch!!"
December 26, 2024 at 6:28 AM
Nobody expected Abergond Wingerminger to shut up but for the entire month of Januar in the year eighteen oh fourteen the disgraced mayor of Huberville did jist that. No one heard a single word from Abergond until he stubbed his toe very publicly and shouted, "fucking toe I'll fucking chop em ouch!!"
They couldn't find Henry "Santa" Macintosh after the incident at Fopp's Department Store. Management wanted to blame Macintosh for the twenty-seven tons of tinsel that buried the store's holiday display one night, but believers knew the dark truth: Big Tinsel had finally silenced "Santa" Macintosh.
December 25, 2024 at 5:08 PM
They couldn't find Henry "Santa" Macintosh after the incident at Fopp's Department Store. Management wanted to blame Macintosh for the twenty-seven tons of tinsel that buried the store's holiday display one night, but believers knew the dark truth: Big Tinsel had finally silenced "Santa" Macintosh.
A silly accident took out the Emperor of Hypopolis. He had been galivanting about town, as was his way, when a runaway cart drawn by an ostrich knocked over a barrel of marbles. The emperor pranced safely through the cascade of treacherous orbs, but his hippopotamus did not. The emperor was crushed.
December 19, 2024 at 4:32 PM
A silly accident took out the Emperor of Hypopolis. He had been galivanting about town, as was his way, when a runaway cart drawn by an ostrich knocked over a barrel of marbles. The emperor pranced safely through the cascade of treacherous orbs, but his hippopotamus did not. The emperor was crushed.
A finch flew through my kitchen window Wednesday morning, warning of a terrific winter storm which would wreck the area in but a few days, rendering all travel-related desires wildly risky, as if I intended to leave my domicile, which was warmer than whiskey, and cozy too. What a dumb bird that was!
December 12, 2024 at 2:58 PM
A finch flew through my kitchen window Wednesday morning, warning of a terrific winter storm which would wreck the area in but a few days, rendering all travel-related desires wildly risky, as if I intended to leave my domicile, which was warmer than whiskey, and cozy too. What a dumb bird that was!
A wild face appeared in the fog.
"That's mega weird," Paulo said. "That face is wholly disconnected, unattached to any of the usual face vehicles. My own comes with a head and a whole body under that. What ho, face! How can you be?"
The face screamed.
"Unpleasant!" said Paulo. "But understandable."
"That's mega weird," Paulo said. "That face is wholly disconnected, unattached to any of the usual face vehicles. My own comes with a head and a whole body under that. What ho, face! How can you be?"
The face screamed.
"Unpleasant!" said Paulo. "But understandable."
December 6, 2024 at 2:33 PM
A wild face appeared in the fog.
"That's mega weird," Paulo said. "That face is wholly disconnected, unattached to any of the usual face vehicles. My own comes with a head and a whole body under that. What ho, face! How can you be?"
The face screamed.
"Unpleasant!" said Paulo. "But understandable."
"That's mega weird," Paulo said. "That face is wholly disconnected, unattached to any of the usual face vehicles. My own comes with a head and a whole body under that. What ho, face! How can you be?"
The face screamed.
"Unpleasant!" said Paulo. "But understandable."
Sailor Twift was the most popular sailor in all Saildom. Wherever he sailed, he was greeted by hordes of fans. So overwhelmed was Sailor Twift by such attention that he stopped arriving anywhere. He sailed and sailed, and still he sails, and though he has not been seen for an age, Twift will return.
December 5, 2024 at 9:27 PM
Sailor Twift was the most popular sailor in all Saildom. Wherever he sailed, he was greeted by hordes of fans. So overwhelmed was Sailor Twift by such attention that he stopped arriving anywhere. He sailed and sailed, and still he sails, and though he has not been seen for an age, Twift will return.
It was a cold Cranbruary, and the frost killed the mood. The Caperville Cranbruary Bonanza was a sad affair; not even the Brims bustled. The cold Cranbruary crushed the Caperville economy, leaving the ghost town you can see on the left. Thank you for flying HoverCar Tours. Please tip your RoboPilot.
December 5, 2024 at 3:34 PM
It was a cold Cranbruary, and the frost killed the mood. The Caperville Cranbruary Bonanza was a sad affair; not even the Brims bustled. The cold Cranbruary crushed the Caperville economy, leaving the ghost town you can see on the left. Thank you for flying HoverCar Tours. Please tip your RoboPilot.
"The enemy approaches," murmured the cat.
"Aw, who's a cute kitty," said the ape.
"We must prepare the defenses," yawled the cat.
"Kitty smoochums!" cried the ape.
"Blood will flow this day," warned the cat.
"Time for skritchies!" chirped the ape.
"Touch me, ape, and get the claws," vowed the cat.
"Aw, who's a cute kitty," said the ape.
"We must prepare the defenses," yawled the cat.
"Kitty smoochums!" cried the ape.
"Blood will flow this day," warned the cat.
"Time for skritchies!" chirped the ape.
"Touch me, ape, and get the claws," vowed the cat.
December 3, 2024 at 4:43 PM
"The enemy approaches," murmured the cat.
"Aw, who's a cute kitty," said the ape.
"We must prepare the defenses," yawled the cat.
"Kitty smoochums!" cried the ape.
"Blood will flow this day," warned the cat.
"Time for skritchies!" chirped the ape.
"Touch me, ape, and get the claws," vowed the cat.
"Aw, who's a cute kitty," said the ape.
"We must prepare the defenses," yawled the cat.
"Kitty smoochums!" cried the ape.
"Blood will flow this day," warned the cat.
"Time for skritchies!" chirped the ape.
"Touch me, ape, and get the claws," vowed the cat.
A big canary landed atop the shoulder of Carthright Hughson as he was finishing a speech on the virtues of exploiting the labor force.
"You're a dick," the canary said as it dumped a grand shit upon Hughson's silk suit. "I'll shit on you till you die unloved."
The canary flew off. The crowd cheered.
"You're a dick," the canary said as it dumped a grand shit upon Hughson's silk suit. "I'll shit on you till you die unloved."
The canary flew off. The crowd cheered.
November 30, 2024 at 8:51 PM
A big canary landed atop the shoulder of Carthright Hughson as he was finishing a speech on the virtues of exploiting the labor force.
"You're a dick," the canary said as it dumped a grand shit upon Hughson's silk suit. "I'll shit on you till you die unloved."
The canary flew off. The crowd cheered.
"You're a dick," the canary said as it dumped a grand shit upon Hughson's silk suit. "I'll shit on you till you die unloved."
The canary flew off. The crowd cheered.
"Rumplestiltskin? What a dumb name."
I wasn't the same after that. I stopped stealing babies and got into woodworking. I became good enough to apprentice with the premier puzzle box maker in the land. Together we constructed a box that contains the whole world. I guess I stole all the children, huh?
I wasn't the same after that. I stopped stealing babies and got into woodworking. I became good enough to apprentice with the premier puzzle box maker in the land. Together we constructed a box that contains the whole world. I guess I stole all the children, huh?
November 30, 2024 at 1:16 AM
"Rumplestiltskin? What a dumb name."
I wasn't the same after that. I stopped stealing babies and got into woodworking. I became good enough to apprentice with the premier puzzle box maker in the land. Together we constructed a box that contains the whole world. I guess I stole all the children, huh?
I wasn't the same after that. I stopped stealing babies and got into woodworking. I became good enough to apprentice with the premier puzzle box maker in the land. Together we constructed a box that contains the whole world. I guess I stole all the children, huh?