Mari Bee
@itsonlymari.bsky.social
I think there's only one appropriate response to "Merry Christmas".
December 19, 2025 at 9:51 PM
I think there's only one appropriate response to "Merry Christmas".
I'm just not good at chugging liquids. It's what made prepping for my colonoscopy difficult. Drink eight 8oz servings of liquid mixed with powdered laxative in 2 hours? Am I gonna need a gatorade bong for this?!
December 17, 2025 at 7:35 PM
I'm just not good at chugging liquids. It's what made prepping for my colonoscopy difficult. Drink eight 8oz servings of liquid mixed with powdered laxative in 2 hours? Am I gonna need a gatorade bong for this?!
Money Woe: A Carol for Our Times (3 stanzas)
Dang our bills are high
Our bank account's been dinging
Kiss those treats goodbye
Overdrafts are pinging
Oh, oh whoa ohhh oh oh oh oh oh ohhh
Gloria, The budget's in Excel Sheets
Dang our bills are high
Our bank account's been dinging
Kiss those treats goodbye
Overdrafts are pinging
Oh, oh whoa ohhh oh oh oh oh oh ohhh
Gloria, The budget's in Excel Sheets
December 16, 2025 at 4:00 AM
Money Woe: A Carol for Our Times (3 stanzas)
Dang our bills are high
Our bank account's been dinging
Kiss those treats goodbye
Overdrafts are pinging
Oh, oh whoa ohhh oh oh oh oh oh ohhh
Gloria, The budget's in Excel Sheets
Dang our bills are high
Our bank account's been dinging
Kiss those treats goodbye
Overdrafts are pinging
Oh, oh whoa ohhh oh oh oh oh oh ohhh
Gloria, The budget's in Excel Sheets
My lovely partner
Is sleeping so peacefully.
I'm so dang jealous!
Is sleeping so peacefully.
I'm so dang jealous!
December 14, 2025 at 11:48 AM
My lovely partner
Is sleeping so peacefully.
I'm so dang jealous!
Is sleeping so peacefully.
I'm so dang jealous!
The thing about tacos is that when my spouse suggests them for lunch I'm like "meh..get me one or two."But then I eat them and I'm like "AHHHH I should have gotten a sack of tacos!"
Which is how they became a food of regret.
Which is how they became a food of regret.
December 12, 2025 at 8:04 PM
The thing about tacos is that when my spouse suggests them for lunch I'm like "meh..get me one or two."But then I eat them and I'm like "AHHHH I should have gotten a sack of tacos!"
Which is how they became a food of regret.
Which is how they became a food of regret.
The tired quip I was going to use was "It's all shits and giggles until somebody giggles and shits." But what came out was "It's all fun and games until it isn't. Then it's the runnies and whippin' shitties."
Brains, amirite?
Brains, amirite?
December 11, 2025 at 9:02 AM
The tired quip I was going to use was "It's all shits and giggles until somebody giggles and shits." But what came out was "It's all fun and games until it isn't. Then it's the runnies and whippin' shitties."
Brains, amirite?
Brains, amirite?
Nurse: After your procedure, do not eat anything greasy, fried, fatty or heavy.
Me: You just named my 4 favorite food groups!
Me: You just named my 4 favorite food groups!
December 4, 2025 at 7:23 PM
Nurse: After your procedure, do not eat anything greasy, fried, fatty or heavy.
Me: You just named my 4 favorite food groups!
Me: You just named my 4 favorite food groups!
I ended up taking a shower this morning even though I VERY MUCH didn't want to. Would you believe I'm still alive? 2 stars, would not recommend.
November 30, 2025 at 7:16 PM
I ended up taking a shower this morning even though I VERY MUCH didn't want to. Would you believe I'm still alive? 2 stars, would not recommend.
I made a post about the weather but you must have mist it.
November 25, 2025 at 10:04 PM
I made a post about the weather but you must have mist it.
The existence of dildos implies the existence of dilbucks.
November 21, 2025 at 12:35 PM
The existence of dildos implies the existence of dilbucks.
Problem solved: I determined my bowels are haunted.
November 17, 2025 at 6:37 AM
Problem solved: I determined my bowels are haunted.
We only serve turkey on Thanksgiving as a palate cleanser for all the different kinds of potatoes.
November 6, 2025 at 2:16 PM
We only serve turkey on Thanksgiving as a palate cleanser for all the different kinds of potatoes.
I pooped like a normal human!
October 27, 2025 at 11:48 AM
I pooped like a normal human!
Oh no! *I'm* why I can't have nice things!
October 21, 2025 at 5:10 AM
Oh no! *I'm* why I can't have nice things!
I am in a meat vessel built by betrayal.
September 13, 2025 at 3:12 PM
I am in a meat vessel built by betrayal.
Just me, cleaning cheese sauce off my keyboard.
Nothing to see here.
Nothing to see here.
September 10, 2025 at 8:04 PM
Just me, cleaning cheese sauce off my keyboard.
Nothing to see here.
Nothing to see here.
"Have you seen the Ninja?" doesn't deserve an answer.
It's obviously no.
If you have, don't do the Ninja dirty.
It's obviously no.
If you have, don't do the Ninja dirty.
September 7, 2025 at 10:13 PM
"Have you seen the Ninja?" doesn't deserve an answer.
It's obviously no.
If you have, don't do the Ninja dirty.
It's obviously no.
If you have, don't do the Ninja dirty.
I misheard "funicular disaster" as "follicular disaster" and it's changed my whole morning.
September 4, 2025 at 2:24 PM
I misheard "funicular disaster" as "follicular disaster" and it's changed my whole morning.
Brother of Silly Goose.
September 2, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Brother of Silly Goose.
I need to get back to Chicago just to get a bucket of wings from the Jewel.
August 5, 2025 at 12:47 AM
I need to get back to Chicago just to get a bucket of wings from the Jewel.
Oooweee burnt Canada do stink tho.
August 3, 2025 at 4:07 AM
Oooweee burnt Canada do stink tho.
Here's a word I already knew before it becomes prolific next year: sesquicentennial
July 30, 2025 at 7:23 AM
Here's a word I already knew before it becomes prolific next year: sesquicentennial
"It felt like the beginning of a UTI, but I just needed to air out my downstairs." A Tale of Crotchial Woe by Mari B.
July 8, 2025 at 4:20 PM
"It felt like the beginning of a UTI, but I just needed to air out my downstairs." A Tale of Crotchial Woe by Mari B.
Tubi is just a digital Blockbuster.
July 6, 2025 at 10:42 PM
Tubi is just a digital Blockbuster.
It's pizza night. I hope the cheese holds up against our tears and feelings as we binge #TheBearFX
June 28, 2025 at 12:19 AM
It's pizza night. I hope the cheese holds up against our tears and feelings as we binge #TheBearFX