I realized something recently.

Whenever I sing in a call either because I'm bored or I'm singing along to a show, I always start crying if anyone starts to sing with me.

I feel like this has been the biggest way to tell me that I'm not alone whenever I think otherwise.

Things like Whamageddon and The Game aren’t that fucking deep; loosen up and live life, man

I hope that I never hit a hard-stop with what I’m doing.

I’m scared of running out of ideas.

Man, I really am just bad at video games huh lol

Every time I try and play or think about something mainstream, I’m always either bad or not interested

It makes me feel a sense of FOMO without having a way to cure it that doesn’t feel like I’m forcing it

I’ve always imagined that people with confidence are hostile to people who think they’re below them.

I’m sure this isn’t a healthy mindset, but I haven’t been able to be convinced otherwise yet…

Am I pushing everyone away because of my personal projects…?

Sometimes I wonder if the life I’m chasing is what I’ll really want at the end of it all.

It sometimes feels like being able to subconsciously gain strong emotional attachments to anything makes me feel weak and simple-minded.

I said I’d try an FC a specific song in a game for a bonus, but in reality, I just wanted to hear it again and again, and I think it just damaged me more.

I’m always open to talk to any of my friends who are in need of support and care, but if all they’re going to do is be a downer about it and not tell me what’s going on in the first place, I see no way to give input nor help.

It’s even worse because I then feel like it’s my fault.

Someone brought up how my third album’s dariacore aesthetic was dampened as the album went into the encore

while I get that, it doesn’t really feel nice in my head that my most favorite part of my own album is someone’s least favorite

Truly, I can never make something that is 100% dariacore (1/3)

There’s a song out there that’s never failed to bring me to tears.

lexycat ー 花火

I hate my mom so fucking much.

This is pissing me off more and more

I hate it when people try to explain something to me and assume that I know everyone, every idea, and every game in the scenario

I know I produce dariacore or hyperflip or whatever but do people related to the genres or aesthetics really have to be incomprehensible ALL the time?
Any time I look at the social medias or, hell, even messages of some of these people, I could never imagine having a coherent conversation with them.

Now and then, I’ll have these “moments of death.”

I think about the concept of death, and I’ll feel myself fast-forward my life to the point when I die. Afterwards, there’s nothing for a fraction of a second.

Every time I snap out of this, my heart rate spikes.

Death is a scary thing…

Ever since getting new clothes, it’s been getting harder and harder to take care of them.
There’s a whole process that goes into cleaning these clothes. After doing it all for a small while, the clothes ripped.

It’s a small rip, but it makes me scared when it comes to my other belongings.
(1/2)

My problems I’ve expressed in Lost. Chapter 2 are returning.

One of them is my lack of an ego.

I feel like I’m at a point in life where it’s hard to take pride in my work again.

Maybe it’s the massive burnout that’s gonna follow after Art Fight.

Whatever it is, I don’t like it.

Ever since my mother left temporarily to go to the Philippines, I noticed that I’ve become a lot more susceptible to
feeling lonely.
I never knew it’d be a problem, but it sucks feeling this way knowing damn well that asking to hang out with someone makes me feel horrible. i wish that didn’t happen.

This is where thoughts I deem too personal and / or private go whenever I have no one to directly talk to.

Expect serious topics and venting here since I am not doing that on either of my other accounts. It’s not a good look.