James Garside
@jamesgarside.net
Journalist, author, and writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. https://jamesgarside.net
I type holes in keyboard covers. That’s not a metaphor. Actual holes. This one survived.
January 5, 2026 at 6:11 PM
I type holes in keyboard covers. That’s not a metaphor. Actual holes. This one survived.
In 2025 I read 135 books. In 2026 I realised that social media is dead so nobody will see or care about such updates. Which is great as it gives you more time to spend reading.
January 2, 2026 at 12:12 PM
In 2025 I read 135 books. In 2026 I realised that social media is dead so nobody will see or care about such updates. Which is great as it gives you more time to spend reading.
Is Stranger Things worth watching? I've never seen it. What's it like? The Goonies meets X Files? ET meets IT? Not as good as Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Should I rewatch Buffy? I'll rewatch Buffy.
December 5, 2025 at 9:49 PM
Is Stranger Things worth watching? I've never seen it. What's it like? The Goonies meets X Files? ET meets IT? Not as good as Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Should I rewatch Buffy? I'll rewatch Buffy.
I’m from Yorkshire. The only people who take ketamine are horses.
December 5, 2025 at 2:16 PM
I’m from Yorkshire. The only people who take ketamine are horses.
If you trust editors, or “accept all” on Grammarly, this is for you.
December 2, 2025 at 9:46 PM
If you trust editors, or “accept all” on Grammarly, this is for you.
The moon has switched to Dark Mode.
November 28, 2025 at 7:40 PM
The moon has switched to Dark Mode.
Happy Thanksgiving to my friends across the pond.
November 27, 2025 at 12:16 PM
Happy Thanksgiving to my friends across the pond.
Me: “I’m non-binary.”
Family: “But you’re not though.”
Family: “But you’re not though.”
November 25, 2025 at 7:56 PM
Me: “I’m non-binary.”
Family: “But you’re not though.”
Family: “But you’re not though.”
People should be less Karen and more Karen Walker.
November 17, 2025 at 3:34 PM
People should be less Karen and more Karen Walker.
PS. I even took a couple of behind-the-scenes shots for your amusement and edification.
Trust me, I'm a professional!
Trust me, I'm a professional!
November 16, 2025 at 10:17 PM
PS. I even took a couple of behind-the-scenes shots for your amusement and edification.
Trust me, I'm a professional!
Trust me, I'm a professional!
I finally plucked up the courage to record a recruitment video of myself.
I've been meaning to start on YouTube for years. I keep putting it off. Why? Because I'm a nervous wreck and can't stand the way I look.
Instead of humiliating myself privately I decided to share it with you.
I've been meaning to start on YouTube for years. I keep putting it off. Why? Because I'm a nervous wreck and can't stand the way I look.
Instead of humiliating myself privately I decided to share it with you.
November 16, 2025 at 10:14 PM
I finally plucked up the courage to record a recruitment video of myself.
I've been meaning to start on YouTube for years. I keep putting it off. Why? Because I'm a nervous wreck and can't stand the way I look.
Instead of humiliating myself privately I decided to share it with you.
I've been meaning to start on YouTube for years. I keep putting it off. Why? Because I'm a nervous wreck and can't stand the way I look.
Instead of humiliating myself privately I decided to share it with you.
I'm still Jimmy from the block
Used to shop at Lidl, now I sleep a lot
Used to shop at Lidl, now I sleep a lot
November 13, 2025 at 1:54 PM
I'm still Jimmy from the block
Used to shop at Lidl, now I sleep a lot
Used to shop at Lidl, now I sleep a lot
Virtual Tour of my website. For people who are too lazy to click a link.
November 10, 2025 at 8:16 AM
Virtual Tour of my website. For people who are too lazy to click a link.
Told them to fuck off.
Why yes I’m from Yorkshire. How could you tell?
Also: I did all this to save four pounds.
Did I mention that I’m from Yorkshire?
Why yes I’m from Yorkshire. How could you tell?
Also: I did all this to save four pounds.
Did I mention that I’m from Yorkshire?
November 3, 2025 at 7:45 PM
Told them to fuck off.
Why yes I’m from Yorkshire. How could you tell?
Also: I did all this to save four pounds.
Did I mention that I’m from Yorkshire?
Why yes I’m from Yorkshire. How could you tell?
Also: I did all this to save four pounds.
Did I mention that I’m from Yorkshire?
According to English Qabalah the meaning of my name is 666. According to my friends that explains a lot.
October 18, 2025 at 1:14 PM
According to English Qabalah the meaning of my name is 666. According to my friends that explains a lot.
My 2012 11-inch Macbook Air has retired after over 13 years of service. 8GB Ram and 512GB storage. Replaced by a 13-inch M4 Macbook Air. 32GB Ram and 2TB storage. The torch has been passed.
October 15, 2025 at 3:27 PM
My 2012 11-inch Macbook Air has retired after over 13 years of service. 8GB Ram and 512GB storage. Replaced by a 13-inch M4 Macbook Air. 32GB Ram and 2TB storage. The torch has been passed.
I’m #83 rising in Humor on Substack. Insert punchline here. Hold for laugh.
October 14, 2025 at 10:42 PM
I’m #83 rising in Humor on Substack. Insert punchline here. Hold for laugh.
Last time I buy Vegan Leather. I’m just saying.
October 5, 2025 at 10:58 PM
Last time I buy Vegan Leather. I’m just saying.
What are your plans for the weekend?
September 20, 2025 at 1:28 PM
What are your plans for the weekend?
Writers are alchemists. You can't turn lead into gold but you can turn words into money.
September 15, 2025 at 5:52 AM
Writers are alchemists. You can't turn lead into gold but you can turn words into money.
I finally forced myself to stop procrastinating and finish my website. I only mention this because I secretly hope someone will glance at it and say "Good job!" But I'll gladly settle for your honest opinion.
It's here if you are interested.
Much love, James x
jamesgarside.net
It's here if you are interested.
Much love, James x
jamesgarside.net
September 10, 2025 at 5:38 PM
I finally forced myself to stop procrastinating and finish my website. I only mention this because I secretly hope someone will glance at it and say "Good job!" But I'll gladly settle for your honest opinion.
It's here if you are interested.
Much love, James x
jamesgarside.net
It's here if you are interested.
Much love, James x
jamesgarside.net
"We are Rainbowarriors
Evil come not near
Rainbow love awaits us
With hearts of love and tears"
— CocoRosie
Evil come not near
Rainbow love awaits us
With hearts of love and tears"
— CocoRosie
August 28, 2025 at 10:21 AM
"We are Rainbowarriors
Evil come not near
Rainbow love awaits us
With hearts of love and tears"
— CocoRosie
Evil come not near
Rainbow love awaits us
With hearts of love and tears"
— CocoRosie
Been listening to God Must Hate Me on repeat and thinking about myself: “Yeah. Probably.”
August 5, 2025 at 1:42 AM
Been listening to God Must Hate Me on repeat and thinking about myself: “Yeah. Probably.”
Once upon a time, on a feedback form for one of the creative writing courses that I taught.
A student, who’d heard that I was an Elf, left the following comment about me:
"Strangely normal ears."
All these years later, I'm still laughing.
A student, who’d heard that I was an Elf, left the following comment about me:
"Strangely normal ears."
All these years later, I'm still laughing.
July 30, 2025 at 6:24 PM
Once upon a time, on a feedback form for one of the creative writing courses that I taught.
A student, who’d heard that I was an Elf, left the following comment about me:
"Strangely normal ears."
All these years later, I'm still laughing.
A student, who’d heard that I was an Elf, left the following comment about me:
"Strangely normal ears."
All these years later, I'm still laughing.