remembering the poignant words of Duane 'Dog the Bounty hunter' Chapman, who said 'skip out on bail, you're going back to jail, brah' ... truer words (about the american legal system and the failure to appear clause) have never been spoken

next up on Entertainment Tonight. Bindi irwin says she won't rest until every stingray on the planet is killed "this is for mee pa"

found a p*rno mag in one of the kid's lockers. no idea they still published Swank. nostalgic moment for me

forget taylor swift, i need a swift tailor (ripped my only work pants installing a hidden camera in the locker room)

finally got around to cleaning up the spill in the biology lab from four days ago. got sidetracked by two squirrels playing badminton in the gym

no clearer sign that fall is here than spending a morning prying lozenges from urinal cakes. cut my life into pieces..

saw one of those skateboarders with a toque that doesnt cover his ears with a huge key ring. that's janitorial appropriation

been pronouncing 'sorbet' like 'sherbet' my entire life completely unaware that they're two different things. also coulda sworn it was 'sherbert' ... mandelow effect strikes again

somebody spilled a beverage in the biology lab.... time to grab a mop

if you see a dead bird on the ground, place a ketchup pack beneath their head like a little condiment pillow. RIP crushed bird

missed work today because i fell on my keys