@jarjarskanks.bsky.social
Sweet dreams are made of these.
Is it possible I've had too much cheese?
Cleaning the house, the dust makes me want to wheeze
I'm pretty sure I was looking for something.
Is it possible I've had too much cheese?
Cleaning the house, the dust makes me want to wheeze
I'm pretty sure I was looking for something.
January 1, 2026 at 7:31 PM
Sweet dreams are made of these.
Is it possible I've had too much cheese?
Cleaning the house, the dust makes me want to wheeze
I'm pretty sure I was looking for something.
Is it possible I've had too much cheese?
Cleaning the house, the dust makes me want to wheeze
I'm pretty sure I was looking for something.
To the guy who was staring as I tore into my rotisserie chicken in the Sam's club parking lot - yes, I am single.
December 18, 2025 at 12:47 AM
To the guy who was staring as I tore into my rotisserie chicken in the Sam's club parking lot - yes, I am single.
Taking a survey: what is your biggest complaint about Christmas?
December 10, 2025 at 2:53 PM
Taking a survey: what is your biggest complaint about Christmas?
Idk y'all. I'm starting to think maybe violence IS the answer.
October 25, 2025 at 6:43 PM
Idk y'all. I'm starting to think maybe violence IS the answer.
Nothing quite like sitting through a 3 hour dinner with friends at a nice restaurant, only to realize at the end a tampon fell out of your pocket, probably at the very beginning, and was on the floor behind your chair THE ENTIRE TIME. #Werealladultshereanyway
July 16, 2025 at 1:02 AM
Nothing quite like sitting through a 3 hour dinner with friends at a nice restaurant, only to realize at the end a tampon fell out of your pocket, probably at the very beginning, and was on the floor behind your chair THE ENTIRE TIME. #Werealladultshereanyway
Elon should come out and say he can't wait for his ex Donnie to sign this bill, that it was Obama's best idea yet. Maybe that could save us all?
July 4, 2025 at 6:09 AM
Elon should come out and say he can't wait for his ex Donnie to sign this bill, that it was Obama's best idea yet. Maybe that could save us all?
It just hit me that legally you have a LOT more flexibility with the rules if something is "for entertainment purposes only."
Is that what the past nine years has been? For entertainment purposes only?
Is that what the past nine years has been? For entertainment purposes only?
May 2, 2025 at 10:30 PM
It just hit me that legally you have a LOT more flexibility with the rules if something is "for entertainment purposes only."
Is that what the past nine years has been? For entertainment purposes only?
Is that what the past nine years has been? For entertainment purposes only?
Since the feds are cutting funding to pretty much everything that makes the world a better place, I'm going all in on what they'd fund so I can pay my bills. My recent study conducted while on the toilet 10 min ago concluded high testosterone levels causes The Gay, preventable by castration. #$plz
May 2, 2025 at 10:16 PM
Since the feds are cutting funding to pretty much everything that makes the world a better place, I'm going all in on what they'd fund so I can pay my bills. My recent study conducted while on the toilet 10 min ago concluded high testosterone levels causes The Gay, preventable by castration. #$plz
I think I'm going to start meth. I won't need my teeth when I get sent to the camps anyway, and in the meantime the extra hours I would've spent sleeping would be great for setting up a grownup-only scholastic book fair in my garage instead
May 2, 2025 at 9:19 PM
I think I'm going to start meth. I won't need my teeth when I get sent to the camps anyway, and in the meantime the extra hours I would've spent sleeping would be great for setting up a grownup-only scholastic book fair in my garage instead
So he tries to arrest her, but then love conquers and he ends up reading a damn history book, finds the Mexican family in her basement, and helps them escape to Switzerland or whatever
Hear me out:
Hallmark movie.
Woman accused of hiding immigrants gets repeated ICE raids on her home. They never find any, but the head ICE officer slowly falls in love but then she lets it slip she's actually of Spanish descent, he gets confused because he doesn't understand Spain vs Mexico
Hallmark movie.
Woman accused of hiding immigrants gets repeated ICE raids on her home. They never find any, but the head ICE officer slowly falls in love but then she lets it slip she's actually of Spanish descent, he gets confused because he doesn't understand Spain vs Mexico
April 26, 2025 at 1:27 AM
So he tries to arrest her, but then love conquers and he ends up reading a damn history book, finds the Mexican family in her basement, and helps them escape to Switzerland or whatever
Hear me out:
Hallmark movie.
Woman accused of hiding immigrants gets repeated ICE raids on her home. They never find any, but the head ICE officer slowly falls in love but then she lets it slip she's actually of Spanish descent, he gets confused because he doesn't understand Spain vs Mexico
Hallmark movie.
Woman accused of hiding immigrants gets repeated ICE raids on her home. They never find any, but the head ICE officer slowly falls in love but then she lets it slip she's actually of Spanish descent, he gets confused because he doesn't understand Spain vs Mexico
April 26, 2025 at 1:26 AM
Hear me out:
Hallmark movie.
Woman accused of hiding immigrants gets repeated ICE raids on her home. They never find any, but the head ICE officer slowly falls in love but then she lets it slip she's actually of Spanish descent, he gets confused because he doesn't understand Spain vs Mexico
Hallmark movie.
Woman accused of hiding immigrants gets repeated ICE raids on her home. They never find any, but the head ICE officer slowly falls in love but then she lets it slip she's actually of Spanish descent, he gets confused because he doesn't understand Spain vs Mexico
At this point, I propose we stop limiting the panic to only inside discos. You can panic wherever you damn well please.
April 11, 2025 at 9:59 PM
At this point, I propose we stop limiting the panic to only inside discos. You can panic wherever you damn well please.
Learned my dog has a hidden rock stash somewhere in my house. I've confiscated two from her in the past 24 hours. Oh, ladies and their secrets
April 3, 2025 at 8:40 PM
Learned my dog has a hidden rock stash somewhere in my house. I've confiscated two from her in the past 24 hours. Oh, ladies and their secrets
I'm tired. Like, a nap would help, but also there's not a nap big enough. Can I just request the rest of the world takes a nap for a bit?
March 4, 2025 at 8:56 PM
I'm tired. Like, a nap would help, but also there's not a nap big enough. Can I just request the rest of the world takes a nap for a bit?
As a woman who sleepwalks, one of my greatest sources of monthly anxiety is "Where is my tampon" and frankly, I can't be the only one with this concern.
February 13, 2025 at 4:45 AM
As a woman who sleepwalks, one of my greatest sources of monthly anxiety is "Where is my tampon" and frankly, I can't be the only one with this concern.
Can I sell pictures of my dogs' feet? They'd be down if it meant more treats and attention, and less me being gone at work. But no weirdos.
January 6, 2025 at 11:42 PM
Can I sell pictures of my dogs' feet? They'd be down if it meant more treats and attention, and less me being gone at work. But no weirdos.
My dog is pouting because I won't let her chew on a knife (specifically the pointy end).
New year, new crazy.
New year, new crazy.
January 1, 2025 at 9:03 PM
My dog is pouting because I won't let her chew on a knife (specifically the pointy end).
New year, new crazy.
New year, new crazy.
@amyjojohnson.bsky.social not gonna lie, getting this in the mail absolutely made my day.
Is there a way to buy additional sheets of stickers? Because those are dope!
Is there a way to buy additional sheets of stickers? Because those are dope!
January 1, 2025 at 3:28 AM
@amyjojohnson.bsky.social not gonna lie, getting this in the mail absolutely made my day.
Is there a way to buy additional sheets of stickers? Because those are dope!
Is there a way to buy additional sheets of stickers? Because those are dope!
Look, all I'm saying is if aliens ARE hanging out here, if they could just jump on whatever they're doing before I have to go back to work next week, that would be cool.
December 28, 2024 at 10:17 PM
Look, all I'm saying is if aliens ARE hanging out here, if they could just jump on whatever they're doing before I have to go back to work next week, that would be cool.
The dog keeps putting her nose in my armpit while I'm working. Is it because I didn't put on deodorant today and *all the smells* or just because she's cold? Maybe it's Maybelline.
December 19, 2024 at 8:19 PM
The dog keeps putting her nose in my armpit while I'm working. Is it because I didn't put on deodorant today and *all the smells* or just because she's cold? Maybe it's Maybelline.
Just realized I know what I'm giving everyone for Christmas: my opinion. You're welcome in advance.
December 9, 2024 at 11:24 PM
Just realized I know what I'm giving everyone for Christmas: my opinion. You're welcome in advance.
My dog has poop crusted to her foot from stepping in it right before coming inside. Sent her back out to walk it off, and now she has poop on two feet. Send help.
December 6, 2024 at 6:58 AM
My dog has poop crusted to her foot from stepping in it right before coming inside. Sent her back out to walk it off, and now she has poop on two feet. Send help.
An asshole at the range just told me to smile, I should be having fun with as good as I was shooting. WHAT KIND OF IDIOT TELLS A WOMAN TO FUCKING SMILE WHEN YOU KNOW SHE'S ARMED AND CAN SHOOT
December 5, 2024 at 1:19 AM
An asshole at the range just told me to smile, I should be having fun with as good as I was shooting. WHAT KIND OF IDIOT TELLS A WOMAN TO FUCKING SMILE WHEN YOU KNOW SHE'S ARMED AND CAN SHOOT
Services for hire: happy to come to your family's thanksgiving and stir up shit. Feeling fighty, would love to get political on your racist Uncle Hank.
November 27, 2024 at 11:28 PM
Services for hire: happy to come to your family's thanksgiving and stir up shit. Feeling fighty, would love to get political on your racist Uncle Hank.