Jeff Ayers, author
@jeffayerswrites.bsky.social
Fantasy author, doofus, mage and cleric, teacher
Website: jeffayerswrites.com
Website: jeffayerswrites.com
Optometrists are like
Yeah, we’ll grant you the gift of sight
But you gotta pay
Yeah, we’ll grant you the gift of sight
But you gotta pay
December 13, 2025 at 1:24 AM
Optometrists are like
Yeah, we’ll grant you the gift of sight
But you gotta pay
Yeah, we’ll grant you the gift of sight
But you gotta pay
When I kick the bucket, I give the executor of my will permission to strap my remains to an automatic pogo stick and let it go nuts
December 12, 2025 at 5:49 PM
When I kick the bucket, I give the executor of my will permission to strap my remains to an automatic pogo stick and let it go nuts
Grand Ol’ Osprey
December 12, 2025 at 1:58 PM
Grand Ol’ Osprey
Let me put all allegations to rest on the matter:
Yes, I did once eat hallway pizza because I spent all my Con money on a pleather cloak. No, I do not regret it. Yes, I still have the pleather cloak twenty years later.
Yes, I did once eat hallway pizza because I spent all my Con money on a pleather cloak. No, I do not regret it. Yes, I still have the pleather cloak twenty years later.
December 11, 2025 at 1:04 PM
Let me put all allegations to rest on the matter:
Yes, I did once eat hallway pizza because I spent all my Con money on a pleather cloak. No, I do not regret it. Yes, I still have the pleather cloak twenty years later.
Yes, I did once eat hallway pizza because I spent all my Con money on a pleather cloak. No, I do not regret it. Yes, I still have the pleather cloak twenty years later.
“Hamster Castle” sounds great until you realize one of them will be dressed up as a little wizard guy and then it sounds AWESOME can you imagine that
December 10, 2025 at 12:53 PM
“Hamster Castle” sounds great until you realize one of them will be dressed up as a little wizard guy and then it sounds AWESOME can you imagine that
Yes, Virginia, Grape Ape is a Kaiju
December 9, 2025 at 12:56 PM
Yes, Virginia, Grape Ape is a Kaiju
What if a gravedigger digs lots of things and is just very serious all the time
Didn’t think of that did you
Didn’t think of that did you
December 8, 2025 at 1:18 PM
What if a gravedigger digs lots of things and is just very serious all the time
Didn’t think of that did you
Didn’t think of that did you
“It’s 9 o’clock on a Saturday”
Never told AM or PM. This song happens in the morning. They’re all day-drinking for breakfast.
Never told AM or PM. This song happens in the morning. They’re all day-drinking for breakfast.
December 7, 2025 at 2:44 PM
“It’s 9 o’clock on a Saturday”
Never told AM or PM. This song happens in the morning. They’re all day-drinking for breakfast.
Never told AM or PM. This song happens in the morning. They’re all day-drinking for breakfast.
Can’t talk right now. I’m trying to figure out Pringles
December 6, 2025 at 12:56 PM
Can’t talk right now. I’m trying to figure out Pringles
Bought a goose for home defense and now I can’t leave my house because there’s a big angry goose out there
December 5, 2025 at 12:57 PM
Bought a goose for home defense and now I can’t leave my house because there’s a big angry goose out there
Word: debuted
My brain: day byuted
My brain: day byuted
December 4, 2025 at 3:25 PM
Word: debuted
My brain: day byuted
My brain: day byuted
[sees spilled milk]
Keep it together, you’re in public
Keep it together, you’re in public
December 4, 2025 at 1:18 PM
[sees spilled milk]
Keep it together, you’re in public
Keep it together, you’re in public
Some of the old presidential campaign slogans were wild. “Tippecanoe and Tyler too!”
Man what are you even saying. Tippecanoe? And who is Tyler?!
Man what are you even saying. Tippecanoe? And who is Tyler?!
December 3, 2025 at 12:40 PM
Some of the old presidential campaign slogans were wild. “Tippecanoe and Tyler too!”
Man what are you even saying. Tippecanoe? And who is Tyler?!
Man what are you even saying. Tippecanoe? And who is Tyler?!
You’re telling me
A chocolate lab covered these cherries
A chocolate lab covered these cherries
December 2, 2025 at 1:20 PM
You’re telling me
A chocolate lab covered these cherries
A chocolate lab covered these cherries
It will snow. It is snowing. It snows. It snew. It has snode.
December 1, 2025 at 12:45 PM
It will snow. It is snowing. It snows. It snew. It has snode.
I get WAY more mad about an unskippable 5 second ad than I do about a longer ad that I have to skip after five seconds pass
December 1, 2025 at 3:22 AM
I get WAY more mad about an unskippable 5 second ad than I do about a longer ad that I have to skip after five seconds pass
Reposted by Jeff Ayers, author
When is the right time to put out Christmas decorations? Too early, and you warn the spirits of the upcoming holiday, which may lead to them giving you an abundance of bad luck in your holiday prep. Folklore says Christmas Eve is the best day, but in this economy? #FolkloreSunday
November 30, 2025 at 5:04 PM
When is the right time to put out Christmas decorations? Too early, and you warn the spirits of the upcoming holiday, which may lead to them giving you an abundance of bad luck in your holiday prep. Folklore says Christmas Eve is the best day, but in this economy? #FolkloreSunday
I’m just a man standing in a public restroom
Begging this automatic faucet to notice my hands waving around to get this disgusting soap off of me so I can leave
Begging this automatic faucet to notice my hands waving around to get this disgusting soap off of me so I can leave
November 30, 2025 at 10:28 PM
I’m just a man standing in a public restroom
Begging this automatic faucet to notice my hands waving around to get this disgusting soap off of me so I can leave
Begging this automatic faucet to notice my hands waving around to get this disgusting soap off of me so I can leave
“Fall apart in my backyard” was said Baloo the Bear and I’ve never forgotten the phrase.
November 29, 2025 at 3:30 PM
“Fall apart in my backyard” was said Baloo the Bear and I’ve never forgotten the phrase.
“Once upon a time”
—cliche, old-fashioned, tired
“When the world was young and oysters flew kites”
—dynamic, intriguing, memorable
—cliche, old-fashioned, tired
“When the world was young and oysters flew kites”
—dynamic, intriguing, memorable
November 28, 2025 at 4:44 PM
“Once upon a time”
—cliche, old-fashioned, tired
“When the world was young and oysters flew kites”
—dynamic, intriguing, memorable
—cliche, old-fashioned, tired
“When the world was young and oysters flew kites”
—dynamic, intriguing, memorable
If you’re at the airplort this week, don’t forget to feed the baggage claim belt a briefcase full of hot dogs before you go
November 25, 2025 at 4:13 PM
If you’re at the airplort this week, don’t forget to feed the baggage claim belt a briefcase full of hot dogs before you go
“No me gusta” means “It doesn’t gusta me.”
No one knows what gusta means. It’s lost to time and history.
No one knows what gusta means. It’s lost to time and history.
November 23, 2025 at 2:20 PM
“No me gusta” means “It doesn’t gusta me.”
No one knows what gusta means. It’s lost to time and history.
No one knows what gusta means. It’s lost to time and history.
Give me an hour to myself and I will use it to either write or play Dwarf Fortress.
November 21, 2025 at 4:51 PM
Give me an hour to myself and I will use it to either write or play Dwarf Fortress.
Can’t see the responsibilities. They’re not moving and I have T-Rex eyes.
November 20, 2025 at 2:20 PM
Can’t see the responsibilities. They’re not moving and I have T-Rex eyes.
Brain full of spiders, soul full of garlic, termites in his smile
Someone needs to do a wellness check on the Grinch
Someone needs to do a wellness check on the Grinch
November 19, 2025 at 4:57 PM
Brain full of spiders, soul full of garlic, termites in his smile
Someone needs to do a wellness check on the Grinch
Someone needs to do a wellness check on the Grinch