Just a moment...(places finger to ear)...I'm getting word that the Earth and Mars orbit the sun independent of each other, and...we can now confirm they are occasionally on opposite sides of the sun, or "in opposition," as it were.

A newspaper without any staff-generated photos? That should be interesting.

I've seen better arms at T-ball games.

What is the least consequential event to befall Jeopardy! in its history?

"TRUMP: Joe Biden had the highest inflation numbers in history, correct?" NOT DOKOUPIL: "No, that's incorrect."

You should spot him the giraffe.

To go with his Purple Heart.

I started watching 60 Minutes in 1968 and while I can't say I've never missed an episode, I had been a pretty loyal viewer over the past 6-7 years until this current season began, when I quit. I may never watch it again.

“A lot of people don’t know what happened at Pearl Harbor.”

Coming: "He was treated very unfairly."

And why are two of the first three paragraphs literally *the opposite* of the reality the authors purport to document? This is just fundamentally unprofessional journalism.

ALT text needed, esp. top row

I saw close to 200 students in line at a university polling site in Southern California at about 3:30 p.m., many of whom were registering for same-day voting and willing to wait a half hour to vote. It was busy there most of the day. You know how many of them were voting yes on 50? Every single one.

He *is* helping.

A human gave me a bath once.
ONCE.

“Stay with me!” (spoken to a grievously wounded or otherwise impaired person while being treated)

“Just like that?”
“Just like that.”

"unapparelled?" (thesaurus Fail of the Week)