For the record? No, I'm not planning on taking my own life tonight, but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it the last few days after all this bullshit with CFS...one fuck up and people will call you a monster, tell you to fuck off and slam the door in your face when you try to apologize.

I often wish I never gave into loneliness, opened up and tried to start trusting people so I could make friends. Now I'm addicted to socializing and all of the above has happened which has made me forget how to even go about it because everyone is so touchy and shitty.

Speaking from experience. It's not worth it in the long run. People suck way too much, especially in SL. In the time it'll take you to find that core friend group you'll have countless bad experiences with others and plenty of people who hate you if not are out to get you over the stupidest things.

My only question is what's her target.

Wabbit.

TLDR: I fucked up and may have very well broken everything to a point recovering it isn't worth it. Life sucks and a lotta people hate me now. I may start working on it again in the near future but no promises.

I might, MIGHT go back and continue working on it but...no promises. A lot has also happened since mid October and I'm pretty worn down from it, but I've been thinking about it again lately so we'll see. I know a lot of bridges have been burned this year and I'm now a very hated person too so..idk.

-and while I'm still allowed what they promised me...I don't think I can keep up my end of the bargain and thus may have to abandon what I was given. I was pushed passed the breaking point and in turn wound up breaking my little pride and joy so just...gave up.

-ready and just....took a break after everything was set up, I barely participated. And mind you these aren't just regular old shopping events with no activities. But...pretty much the icing on the cake, or nail that broke the camel's back if you will was that eventually I fell out with that person-

-almost a year of work, having /two/ kidney stones in April that were so big it took months to pass them and being able to pass them was fortunate (sorry if TMI), two big events in May, one of which I had to update a bunch of projects for and just....yeah. Come June I did the bare minimum to get-

The second problem is that in making these changes I messed up some precise fitting of certain parts and their corresponding textures when it comes to shadows. Mind you the entire vessel was supposed to be PBR with fallback textures as per my new standard. So, if you mix those together after-

-model before making those changes, and I don't think I made enough saves at certain moments to go back and salvage the high poly models as I think some changes were made in between. I may be mistaken though and need to find out, but the motivation has not been there in months, I feel defeated.

-amount of vertices on most cylindrical surfaces to make it lower poly but in turn this significantly changed parts of the model which caused two problems.. Firstly I was in such a rush by this point to get it done in time that I had forgotten to make copies of the high poly-

-mistakes towards the very end that basically corrupted the whole project. The land impact was just...too much, mostly because of the wires and poles used for railing, but that was the best option I had at the time after trying multiple ideas. So to fix this I had to go through and reduce the-

So basically what happened was I was encouraged by a friend to get the model in a presentable WIP format for an event by June in exchange for....more than I could ever hope for. And to my credit I managed to achieve that. But at the same time it was such a bumpy road that I wound up making critical-