i failed her when i was too afraid to admit the way i felt, when i was still figuring things out. maybe i could have protected her from the damage but i didnt

I have to force myself not to think of her because she's genuinely one of a kind but shes old and its hard to get parts for her. I want to beg to keep her but theres no reasonable way I could explain to a family member why i Need to keep the broken car that I definitely cant afford to fix

i wanna treat her right and fix her up the way she deserves but i dont have the money to fix her or buy her. so instead im just jerking off to fighter jets and feeling like a loser LOLLL