he/him
@jhmalan.bsky.social
I've been called worse things than you could come up with.
Pinned
he/him
@jhmalan.bsky.social
· Nov 20
Ego semper cacas. Sicut profundum variat
I've been forced to update my standard safety briefing...
July 19, 2025 at 2:21 AM
I've been forced to update my standard safety briefing...
Sandwiches are like assholes, everyone has an opinion on one; the tomato is North America's greatest contribution to the sandwich.
June 8, 2025 at 5:07 PM
Sandwiches are like assholes, everyone has an opinion on one; the tomato is North America's greatest contribution to the sandwich.
Be secure enough in yourself to let others around you be who they want to be, safely. Insecurity lowers a man's value.
May 15, 2025 at 5:55 PM
Be secure enough in yourself to let others around you be who they want to be, safely. Insecurity lowers a man's value.
This May the Fourth I'd like to be controversial. Solo: A Star Wars Story is a top 5 Star Wars movie.
May 4, 2025 at 12:18 PM
This May the Fourth I'd like to be controversial. Solo: A Star Wars Story is a top 5 Star Wars movie.
How do I submit myself as a papal candidate? I look great in silly hats.
April 21, 2025 at 6:28 PM
How do I submit myself as a papal candidate? I look great in silly hats.
I've entered a period of mourning. I will not be able to use "Does the Pope wear a funny hat?" when someone asks me a question at work, until there's a pope wearing a funny hat again.
April 21, 2025 at 12:48 PM
I've entered a period of mourning. I will not be able to use "Does the Pope wear a funny hat?" when someone asks me a question at work, until there's a pope wearing a funny hat again.
Maybe it's the hedonist in me. But I think life is all about finding your thrill. Whatever that might be. And we need to find the thrills that are the most fun for us. Carpe fucking diem and use your little spark of madness.
April 12, 2025 at 4:35 AM
Maybe it's the hedonist in me. But I think life is all about finding your thrill. Whatever that might be. And we need to find the thrills that are the most fun for us. Carpe fucking diem and use your little spark of madness.
They say a watched pot never boils. But how do they know it's time to put the spaghetti in?
April 5, 2025 at 1:25 PM
They say a watched pot never boils. But how do they know it's time to put the spaghetti in?
With a 25% tariff on Canadian goods, American hockey team' sticks are going to start looking like ringette sticks.
March 4, 2025 at 12:57 PM
With a 25% tariff on Canadian goods, American hockey team' sticks are going to start looking like ringette sticks.
You've heard of Schrodinger's flirt. Where I'm totally flirting and not flirting with you, depending on whether you're into it or not. But I prefer Duck's flirting. Where if it looks, swims, and quacks like a flirt, I'm definitely flirting with you.
March 3, 2025 at 3:24 PM
You've heard of Schrodinger's flirt. Where I'm totally flirting and not flirting with you, depending on whether you're into it or not. But I prefer Duck's flirting. Where if it looks, swims, and quacks like a flirt, I'm definitely flirting with you.
Ummm Liberal Party of Canada, do you think we could maybe get rank choice voting in our actual elections, seeing as you're using it for the party leadership contest?
March 3, 2025 at 12:58 AM
Ummm Liberal Party of Canada, do you think we could maybe get rank choice voting in our actual elections, seeing as you're using it for the party leadership contest?
Am I pretty handsome? No. But do I overcome that with a good personality? Also no. But will I enable you to do that slightly destructive thing that you really want to do but will feel guilty about doing without some permission structure? Hell ya!
March 2, 2025 at 3:08 PM
Am I pretty handsome? No. But do I overcome that with a good personality? Also no. But will I enable you to do that slightly destructive thing that you really want to do but will feel guilty about doing without some permission structure? Hell ya!
I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, and swallow the gravy. - Nancy Reagan, probably.
February 17, 2025 at 4:49 PM
I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, and swallow the gravy. - Nancy Reagan, probably.
Edging seems like a really good time until it's a sneeze that you can't get proper release from.
February 10, 2025 at 9:09 PM
Edging seems like a really good time until it's a sneeze that you can't get proper release from.
"It's not every day that someone turns 36."
With like 8 billion people on earth, there probably is someone turning 36 every day.
With like 8 billion people on earth, there probably is someone turning 36 every day.
February 8, 2025 at 1:47 PM
"It's not every day that someone turns 36."
With like 8 billion people on earth, there probably is someone turning 36 every day.
With like 8 billion people on earth, there probably is someone turning 36 every day.
This is what The Patriots made everyone feel like for all those years. I get it now. I'm sorry. I couldn't empathize, but I do now sympathize.
January 27, 2025 at 3:28 PM
This is what The Patriots made everyone feel like for all those years. I get it now. I'm sorry. I couldn't empathize, but I do now sympathize.
Does this make Michael Bolton the official soundtrack of F-boi lovebombers?
January 17, 2025 at 3:07 PM
Does this make Michael Bolton the official soundtrack of F-boi lovebombers?
All friends are friends with benefits. Some help you move, or take you to the airport, or let you beat them at fantasy sports. Others go to the opera with you, or give you good book recommendations. And of course you can make out with all of them.
January 17, 2025 at 3:30 AM
All friends are friends with benefits. Some help you move, or take you to the airport, or let you beat them at fantasy sports. Others go to the opera with you, or give you good book recommendations. And of course you can make out with all of them.
"Only the good die young" is an absolutely wild way to get a young woman to make her sexual debut with you.
January 16, 2025 at 4:07 PM
"Only the good die young" is an absolutely wild way to get a young woman to make her sexual debut with you.
"If you're not going to change your bad habits, you might as well perfect them." An appropriate motto for the coming apocalypse.
January 15, 2025 at 12:26 PM
"If you're not going to change your bad habits, you might as well perfect them." An appropriate motto for the coming apocalypse.
You have to wonder if there's a surge in streams of Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire right now. Or a noticeable decline.
January 10, 2025 at 12:31 PM
You have to wonder if there's a surge in streams of Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire right now. Or a noticeable decline.
Ego semper cacas. Sicut profundum variat
November 20, 2024 at 5:15 AM
Ego semper cacas. Sicut profundum variat