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Jill Twiss

@jilltwiss.bsky.social

23K followers 810 following 2.8K posts

Comedy writer. "Have I Got News For You", "Last Week Tonight", "The Amber Ruffin Show." Author of "A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo" and "The Someone New." Friend to several penguins.

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · Apr 4

My body is not cut out to be this furious all the time. I am built for naming dogs Doctor Reginald Pancakes and telling people about the time two bees stung me while I was on the toilet

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 9h

I did truly write one of these banned books, which remains insane to me. Put banned books in your Little Free Libraries today!

NightMar on Hicks Street, Part 4: The Rabbit’s Revenge @histoftech.bsky.social · 15h

doomscroll break

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Reposted by Jill Twiss

darn chaumbrelauwn @amfmpm.bsky.social · 2d

those first two "to you"s in the happy birthday song really ratchet up the tension as to whether or not your loved ones know your name

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 2d

As a white woman who would also be terrible at running a newsroom, I'm starting to be disappointed that I wasn't chosen

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 2d

this was the reason i yelled FUCK OFF by myself in my apartment this morning!

Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 3d

this is starting to just feel like a ploy to get ICE agents free Super Bowl tickets

The New York Times @nytimes.com · 3d

Kristi Noem, the secretary of homeland security, told a podcaster on Friday that ICE agents would be “all over” the Super Bowl in February, where the Latin superstar Bad Bunny is scheduled to headline the halftime show.

Kristi Noem Says ICE Will Be ‘All Over’ the Super Bowl

After the homeland security secretary said immigration agents would attend the N.F.L. event, Bad Bunny, a Puerto Rican rapper and Trump critic, responded on “Saturday Night Live.”

nyti.ms

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 3d

The best feeling in a world is hearing about a trend and just going "Nope! I'll be skipping that one." I skipped all of NFTs! Now they're gone and I never had to learn what they were.

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 3d

OMG LET'S GET ONE FOR EVERY MONTH

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 3d

You should be able to Trick or Treat for little snacks every day in October

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 4d

Hooray!!

Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 4d

Well I did in fact help write this show AND EVERYONE ON IT IS A DELIGHT SO PLEASE WATCH

HIGNFY US @hignfyus.bsky.social · 4d

Haven't you heard?! John Hodgman & Akilah Hughes join us on a new episode TONIGHT at 9 pm ET/PT on @cnn.com!

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 4d

During was not great but I’m enjoying the after

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 4d

MAYBE TODAY IS THE DAY

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 4d

thank you for being honest with me

Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 4d

BEFORE IS SO BAD. I AM IN BEFORE AND I HATE IT

Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 4d

ok yes i acknowledge that if i go to the gym today i will feel better after, but what -- I ask you WHAT -- about during?

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 4d

Lord Turnips, Earl of Ruffenbarker

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 5d

i understand the reporter's point, but it really is amazing how hard our government works to make sure we don't give people healthcare

Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com · 5d

REPORTER: US law already prohibits giving healthcare to illegal immigrants

LEAVITT: Are you denying that Medicaid money has never gone to illegal aliens?

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 7d

TOO LATE

Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 7d

Delicious. No pavement

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 7d

i regret that apostrophe

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 7d

mom's can handle more than we think!

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 7d

i will go back for followup questions

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 7d

I don't understand! you shouldn't describe things you're drinking as things you absolutely don't want to put in your mouth

Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 7d

Just went to a wine bar where the waitress described the white wine as "having notes of pavement". I called her back because no one believed me when I told them she said pavement BUT I WAS RIGHT

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 10d

i know! but the new job got me!