a convo with a person about this exact thing (reciprocation in life, connection development) and they specifically just never do it.

i could’ve easily written all of this in my journal or something but i woke up feeling absolutely hollow and twitter fingers are the fastest.

and then i’ll be left with like this and reddit. worst platform i unironically feel like is imessage - people i’ve tried SO hard (both explicitly and implicitly) to develop a connection with just don’t reciprocate even the tiniest bit at all and that stuff makes me feel bad. worst is when you’ve had

but as soon as the micro-moment passes, the connection is gone. there’s only so much i can do, and it genuinely feels like having apps on my phone to theoretically connect with people is only destroying the sanity i have left. i’ve deleted insta and twitter, will delete messenger and snap soon.

attempting to stay in touch just leads to me pinging them a ton of times to no avail, not reaching out leads to a complete dissolution of connection. my role in so many people’s lives, both short and long term, has been someone that resolves an issue (plane tickets, job direction, cs project, etc.)