Jesse Maximum
@jmaq.bsky.social
170 followers 250 following 1.8K posts
Musician, writer, zinemeister, essayist…I just keep making stuff, whether I want to or not. he/them 🩷🤍💜🖤💙 https://linktr.ee/sharkuppercut
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jmaq.bsky.social
I’m making another bad decision, and I need your help!

I decided a fast-paced machine gun of tiny films could be endlessly entertaining, and rather than do it all myself I’m looking to collect clips from anyone willing to make one.

Join me in making the SHARK UPPERCUT Micromovie Film Festival!
A poster with a dog’s butthole featured between two blocks of text on a purple/pink background

The SHARK UPPERCUT
Micromovie Film Festival

• Submissions must be under 30 seconds, up to 20 seconds for the movie and up to 10 seconds for a title card and end card/credits
• Title card and end card/credits required, I can create if necessary
• I am available upon request to edit footage
• Real movie feel preferred but not required
• Any genre is admissible
• Unrated! Go nuts with pushing the envelope as long as it's still legal!
• That said...NO AI. It's gross.
• Feel free to ask questions!
• Submit to giggab@gmail.com by AUGUST 31
jmaq.bsky.social
I forgot about the nipple shirt. Utterly unhinged choice.
jmaq.bsky.social
The Jags beat the Chiefs in primetime…that’s gotta be worth at least one controlled explosion.
jmaq.bsky.social
My going theory is he only has an 8-pack right now and he’s embarrassed. #AEWDynamite 🤼‍♂️
jmaq.bsky.social
PAC is wearing like three layers. I might throw up. #AEWDynamite 🤼‍♂️
jmaq.bsky.social
STOP PUTTING CLOTHES ON THIS MAN!! #AEWDynamite 🤼‍♂️
jmaq.bsky.social
Wild that Mercedes Mone, who still feels pretty fresh as the TBS Champion, is within weeks of holding the title longer than Jade Cargill, who felt like she sat on that thing for y e a r s.

#AEWDynamite 🤼‍♂️
jmaq.bsky.social
It took me thirty seconds to find Ishii in this picture. Straight up didn’t register him with hair and smiling.
jmaq.bsky.social
She Hubie on my ween until I Hallo.
bakoon.bsky.social
its october seventh and you know what that means: happy fifth birthday hubie halloween
jmaq.bsky.social
It’s official: no one wants to see The Rock with hair that a human would have.
jmaq.bsky.social
Yeah. Tone deaf at best, purposefully harmful at worst.
jmaq.bsky.social
Sidney Bakabella’s gonna sue him for gimmick infringement.
ianriccaboni.com
Adding the hat to attempt to change the vibes.
jmaq.bsky.social
The CEO was snarky about real problems people have with moderation choices, and has been doubling down, trolling, and “if you don’t like it, leave”-ing since.

It clarified that with the people on top having no sympathy or intent to help, the site has nowhere to go but downhill.
Jay @jay.bsky.team 3h
Too real. We're going to try to fix this.
Social media doesn't have to be this way.

QT Jerry Chen @jcsalterego.bsk... 5d
(bluesky user bursts into Waffle House) OH SO YOU HATE PANCAKES??

•••

lucas, ho chi minh thot @antioccide... 3h
have y'all banned Jesse Singal yet or

•••

Jay @jay.bsky.team
WAFFLES
jmaq.bsky.social
He’s giving me a real “horse who wished to be a real boy but still have brain of horse” vibe.
jmaq.bsky.social
The JMaq Bump is real*! Please give me money to make something for you, the job market is horrendous!

*authenticity of The JMaq Bump™ is predicated on correlation equaling causation, results may vary
A picture of the artist eating a chicken finger that looks like a dick, with the text:

Jesse Mack is
UNEMPLOYED
and
UP FOR SALE

Write a story: 10 BUCKS

Make a song: 20 CLAMS

Draw a picture: 5 DOLLARS

Edit a video: 20 BIG ONES

Naked stuff: PROBABLY? LET’S FIGURE IT OUT!
jmaq.bsky.social
It’s the brainchild of the band YACHT, who had an extremely charming and wonky first album, and then made a bunch of better music since then that didn’t scratch the same itch for me. It was super cool to see them pop up again!
jmaq.bsky.social
Matching-banner-and-pinned-comment-ass.
jmaq.bsky.social
The fun thing about this assessment is that absence between verses is the heart of the song. The song is about feeling lonely and isolated, observing a life you don’t feel part of. The song is ABSOLUTELY crying out for a beat that connects it to the rest of the world. And that’s just what it did.
ryannorth.ca
two things about Tom's Diner:

1) the original (with just Susanne Vega) is CRYING OUT for the beat DNA added - it just stops in silence for a few seconds without it and you feel its absence deeply.

2) you can use the lyrics and a newspaper deep dive to determine the exact day it was written :0
"Tom's Diner Day": The date of the composition
An article on Suzanne Vega's official website[7][8] uses clues in the song to determine the exact date that Vega wrote it.

Vega said that she wrote the song in 1982; Brian Rose has said that it was written sometime between mid-1981 and mid-1982. The lyrics refer to a rainy morning, when she was at the diner on the corner, reading in her newspaper of "a story of an actor / who had died while he was drinking", and afterwards "turning to the horoscope / and looking for the funnies". Only two newspapers in New York City carried comic strips, or "funnies", in 1981 and 1982, and only one, the New York Post, featured a front-page story of the death of Oscar-winning actor William Holden, whose body was discovered on Monday, November 16, 1981. In a 2008 essay for The New York Times, Vega confirmed that Holden was the actor whose death she had read about and inspired the line in the song.[5]
jmaq.bsky.social
I went to find a link to the awful Britney Spears cover, only to rediscover that it’s actually a Giorgio Moroder song *featuring* Britney, and that it’s not awful at all once you get past the crime that is the layered vocals. That dude can make a BEAT.

youtu.be/6_x7gTQOEs4?...
Giorgio Moroder - Tom's Diner (Lyric Video) ft. Britney Spears
YouTube video by GiorgioMoroderVEVO
youtu.be
jmaq.bsky.social
It’s not bad taste, it’s LARGE taste.

Bad art is art, and as such bad art is inherently good.
jmaq.bsky.social
The Meiko Satomura Senpai Experience™
jmaq.bsky.social
First thought: “I would totally do that, sounds like a fun time.”

Second thought: “Nevermind, that sounds like paying to do extra work, can’t fool me!”

Third thought: “Oh shit, that’s Spike on the right, she’s rad as hell, I would have definitely done that.”
jmaq.bsky.social
My young childhood took place in the ‘80s but somehow I missed out on GI Joe, Transformers, and pretty much all the cartoons that were ads for toys. My weird ass was watching Nick at Nite until 1 in the morning.
hannahfearn.bsky.social
Inspired by a post I just saw in which someone admitted they hadn’t seen a single episode of Friends nor the film Love Actually… what cultural hole do you have that’s a bit weird for your generation?

I’ll go first: I haven’t seen Dirty Dancing.