I'm starting to meet people my brain identifies as old, and I'm finding out that they are younger than I am. I don't like it
June 30, 2025 at 2:39 PM
I'm starting to meet people my brain identifies as old, and I'm finding out that they are younger than I am. I don't like it
Sixers had to work really hard to lose that one
March 18, 2025 at 2:55 AM
Sixers had to work really hard to lose that one
A buddy just called twitter X and now I’m rethinking the whole friendship
March 16, 2025 at 11:22 PM
A buddy just called twitter X and now I’m rethinking the whole friendship
Injured my back in my sleep last night, if anyone is wondering how old I am
March 16, 2025 at 3:51 PM
Injured my back in my sleep last night, if anyone is wondering how old I am
'Poop is the worst thing in the world!' my daughter declares. 'And Godzilla.'
March 6, 2025 at 9:05 PM
'Poop is the worst thing in the world!' my daughter declares. 'And Godzilla.'
My kid told me she would give me a clean look after I teased her about giving dirty looks, so I think she’s on track. Fully expecting the clean look to be more severe
March 4, 2025 at 5:34 PM
My kid told me she would give me a clean look after I teased her about giving dirty looks, so I think she’s on track. Fully expecting the clean look to be more severe
Pretending I don’t like the dog man movie so my kids know I’m mature
March 2, 2025 at 12:56 AM
Pretending I don’t like the dog man movie so my kids know I’m mature
Just told my 7 year old she was practically an adult so she would do a task herself. Could not possibly backfire
February 28, 2025 at 1:13 AM
Just told my 7 year old she was practically an adult so she would do a task herself. Could not possibly backfire
Is an IV drip of children's motrin a thing? It should be, there are too many germs out there right now
February 27, 2025 at 3:50 PM
Is an IV drip of children's motrin a thing? It should be, there are too many germs out there right now
Before kids I actually had no idea what overstimulation was
February 26, 2025 at 1:29 AM
Before kids I actually had no idea what overstimulation was
I feel like the window for me to be a shitposter has passed
February 25, 2025 at 2:06 PM
I feel like the window for me to be a shitposter has passed
Did you know that there's a channel that plays Spongebob 24 hours a day? My kids very much do know.
February 24, 2025 at 6:58 PM
Did you know that there's a channel that plays Spongebob 24 hours a day? My kids very much do know.
Saw people talking about their favorite pens and almost went on a shopping spree
February 23, 2025 at 2:38 AM
Saw people talking about their favorite pens and almost went on a shopping spree
The 4 year old will NOT stop calling me 'bro'
February 21, 2025 at 4:58 PM
The 4 year old will NOT stop calling me 'bro'
I have not stopped wearing eagles gear since last Sunday. If I cared, I would worry about seeming obnoxious to my Virginia neighbors but I think they know
February 19, 2025 at 8:52 PM
I have not stopped wearing eagles gear since last Sunday. If I cared, I would worry about seeming obnoxious to my Virginia neighbors but I think they know
Squatted for the first time in like 3 months and my butt muscles are angry
February 19, 2025 at 6:38 PM
Squatted for the first time in like 3 months and my butt muscles are angry
I love Bluesky but the doom here feels like doom concentrate
February 16, 2025 at 3:51 PM
I love Bluesky but the doom here feels like doom concentrate
The exciting whites.. lmfao love it
February 14, 2025 at 8:01 PM
The exciting whites.. lmfao love it
Like half of these speeches have been bleeped lmao
February 14, 2025 at 7:57 PM
Like half of these speeches have been bleeped lmao
Getting my neighbors in Northern Virginia to root for the Eagles. Birds by a million
February 9, 2025 at 4:50 PM
Getting my neighbors in Northern Virginia to root for the Eagles. Birds by a million
‘So we want him to die’ my wife said, as I explained the process when Mitch goes to the big pond in the sky. It’s nice to be reminded you married the right one
February 5, 2025 at 10:47 PM
‘So we want him to die’ my wife said, as I explained the process when Mitch goes to the big pond in the sky. It’s nice to be reminded you married the right one
Keep one person in the house healthy challenge - level:impossible
February 5, 2025 at 6:10 PM
Keep one person in the house healthy challenge - level:impossible
Nothing finer than spiking my blood pressure to fight to spend thousands of dollars on kids camps that don't start for over four months
February 4, 2025 at 2:23 PM
Nothing finer than spiking my blood pressure to fight to spend thousands of dollars on kids camps that don't start for over four months
If our politicians were capable of feeling the shame that Drake must be feeling right now, we might not be on the verge of going the way of Atlantis
February 3, 2025 at 7:16 PM
If our politicians were capable of feeling the shame that Drake must be feeling right now, we might not be on the verge of going the way of Atlantis
“Am I going to have hair on my butt?” The 4 year old asks as she worries about growing up
January 30, 2025 at 2:51 AM
“Am I going to have hair on my butt?” The 4 year old asks as she worries about growing up