Hold on! These fruits and vegetables got me feeling like God!



Fuck my gay life actually sometimes

Me: dawg, it’s 1am and I have to get up early.
My brain: …so no more fantasies about that one specific person doing that very specific thing you like that makes you feel dirty for days, but you kinda like that about it?

Hold on, lemme just crank my shit real quick

Beating my tummy like a drum with my dick

Nothing like a good firm handshake with my own dick 🫱🏽‍🫲🏼

High as fuck doing trigonometry on pentagons and microdosing Metamucil

You ever find old music you were working on? And it’s like,
“Damn! I was really cooking!”

I thought I was asexual for a while. Turns out I just don’t fuck with nobody

I’ve gotta sleep, but instead I’m jorkin

Almost let myself forget how awesome it feels to stroke my big ol’ wiener 👀