Julia Scotti
@juliascotti1.bsky.social
Nationally headlining comedian. AGT quarter-finalist, featured on Showtime's "More Funny Women of a Certain Age" Dry Bar special, "Jersey Fresh"
Man, somebody got a B12 shot before going on the air.
December 18, 2025 at 2:17 AM
Man, somebody got a B12 shot before going on the air.
I miss the days when we used to laugh about Dumb Stuff like Covfefe.
December 18, 2025 at 1:22 AM
I miss the days when we used to laugh about Dumb Stuff like Covfefe.
You know those videos where the guy plays guitar and all the wild animals come and nuzzle him?
Yeah, don't try that with a set of drums . Trust me on this.
Yeah, don't try that with a set of drums . Trust me on this.
December 12, 2025 at 6:47 PM
You know those videos where the guy plays guitar and all the wild animals come and nuzzle him?
Yeah, don't try that with a set of drums . Trust me on this.
Yeah, don't try that with a set of drums . Trust me on this.
Made up story of the day. I made this up. It's just a joke. Don't take it seriously.
The White House announced today that in addition to confiscating Venezuelan tankers and blowing boats out of the water, it will now begin to confiscate all Nobel Peace Prizes won by Venezuelans.
The White House announced today that in addition to confiscating Venezuelan tankers and blowing boats out of the water, it will now begin to confiscate all Nobel Peace Prizes won by Venezuelans.
December 12, 2025 at 1:01 PM
Made up story of the day. I made this up. It's just a joke. Don't take it seriously.
The White House announced today that in addition to confiscating Venezuelan tankers and blowing boats out of the water, it will now begin to confiscate all Nobel Peace Prizes won by Venezuelans.
The White House announced today that in addition to confiscating Venezuelan tankers and blowing boats out of the water, it will now begin to confiscate all Nobel Peace Prizes won by Venezuelans.
So, he seized a Venezuelan oil tanker.
Honestly?
I did not have that on my "crazy shit he's gonna do today" card.
Honestly?
I did not have that on my "crazy shit he's gonna do today" card.
December 11, 2025 at 2:16 PM
So, he seized a Venezuelan oil tanker.
Honestly?
I did not have that on my "crazy shit he's gonna do today" card.
Honestly?
I did not have that on my "crazy shit he's gonna do today" card.
If he really wants regime change, can he start with changing his?
December 10, 2025 at 9:11 PM
If he really wants regime change, can he start with changing his?
I'm not violent by nature, but I enjoyed the crap out of Popeye beating the snot out of Bluto.
December 9, 2025 at 4:12 PM
I'm not violent by nature, but I enjoyed the crap out of Popeye beating the snot out of Bluto.
Dick Van Dyke celebrates his 100th birthday on December 13th. Celebrate with him by going to a local bowling alley and dancing the “Twizzle!”
December 7, 2025 at 6:45 PM
Dick Van Dyke celebrates his 100th birthday on December 13th. Celebrate with him by going to a local bowling alley and dancing the “Twizzle!”
Explain to me how I can remember the lyrics to the “12 days of Christmas,” but not where I put my phone.
December 4, 2025 at 2:40 PM
Explain to me how I can remember the lyrics to the “12 days of Christmas,” but not where I put my phone.
I look horrible when I wake up.
This morning my facial ID asked for more information.
This morning my facial ID asked for more information.
December 3, 2025 at 10:44 AM
I look horrible when I wake up.
This morning my facial ID asked for more information.
This morning my facial ID asked for more information.
Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving and may your holidays be filled with love and regularity.
November 27, 2025 at 3:07 PM
Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving and may your holidays be filled with love and regularity.
What if Ringo was known for wearing cowboy chaps instead of rings.
Would he have been known as Chapo?
Would he have been known as Chapo?
November 27, 2025 at 3:17 AM
What if Ringo was known for wearing cowboy chaps instead of rings.
Would he have been known as Chapo?
Would he have been known as Chapo?
This just arrived in today’s mail. It’s from a local funeral home. Someone needs to talk to their marketing department.
November 25, 2025 at 6:55 PM
This just arrived in today’s mail. It’s from a local funeral home. Someone needs to talk to their marketing department.
I can't help thinking that
"Quiet, Piggy!" was what his mother and father yelled at him at the dinner table.
"Quiet, Piggy!" was what his mother and father yelled at him at the dinner table.
November 24, 2025 at 8:42 PM
I can't help thinking that
"Quiet, Piggy!" was what his mother and father yelled at him at the dinner table.
"Quiet, Piggy!" was what his mother and father yelled at him at the dinner table.
I hope my $2,000
Check gets here soon. I am running low on coffee.
Check gets here soon. I am running low on coffee.
November 24, 2025 at 6:22 PM
I hope my $2,000
Check gets here soon. I am running low on coffee.
Check gets here soon. I am running low on coffee.
If I had been around when Marie Antoinettes said, “Let them eat cake,”
I would have risen up defiantly and screamed,
“I can’t have carbs! Are you trying to kill me?”
I would have risen up defiantly and screamed,
“I can’t have carbs! Are you trying to kill me?”
November 24, 2025 at 1:07 PM
If I had been around when Marie Antoinettes said, “Let them eat cake,”
I would have risen up defiantly and screamed,
“I can’t have carbs! Are you trying to kill me?”
I would have risen up defiantly and screamed,
“I can’t have carbs! Are you trying to kill me?”
Low ticket Availability Alert!
November 21, 2025 at 4:07 PM
Low ticket Availability Alert!
So, He wasn't invited to Cheney's funeral.
Expect a sizzling tweet soon telling them that they won't be invited to his either.
Expect a sizzling tweet soon telling them that they won't be invited to his either.
November 20, 2025 at 4:13 PM
So, He wasn't invited to Cheney's funeral.
Expect a sizzling tweet soon telling them that they won't be invited to his either.
Expect a sizzling tweet soon telling them that they won't be invited to his either.
This Saturday!!! Tickets? Tickets? Who's got the tickets? We do! Not too many left. Get yours today! www.act2.org
November 19, 2025 at 1:18 PM
This Saturday!!! Tickets? Tickets? Who's got the tickets? We do! Not too many left. Get yours today! www.act2.org
Is the Lame Duck
“Quacking Up?”
I’ll see myself out.
“Quacking Up?”
I’ll see myself out.
November 18, 2025 at 11:25 PM
Is the Lame Duck
“Quacking Up?”
I’ll see myself out.
“Quacking Up?”
I’ll see myself out.
Dick Van Dyke Show fans. I just realized that the name of fictional late night talk show host Stevie Parsons, was a combination of Steve Allen, Jack Paar and Johnny Carson.
November 17, 2025 at 3:17 AM
Dick Van Dyke Show fans. I just realized that the name of fictional late night talk show host Stevie Parsons, was a combination of Steve Allen, Jack Paar and Johnny Carson.
Things to do on Sunday morning.
1. Sleep late
2. Stay in your pajamas all day
3. GET TICKETS FOR OUR NOVEMBER 22, SHOW WHILE THEY LAST!
www.act2.org
1. Sleep late
2. Stay in your pajamas all day
3. GET TICKETS FOR OUR NOVEMBER 22, SHOW WHILE THEY LAST!
www.act2.org
November 16, 2025 at 3:53 PM
Things to do on Sunday morning.
1. Sleep late
2. Stay in your pajamas all day
3. GET TICKETS FOR OUR NOVEMBER 22, SHOW WHILE THEY LAST!
www.act2.org
1. Sleep late
2. Stay in your pajamas all day
3. GET TICKETS FOR OUR NOVEMBER 22, SHOW WHILE THEY LAST!
www.act2.org
So il Nonno Pazzo has withdrawn his support of Marjorie Taylor Greene. Wait...does that mean she's on our side now? And if so, how long before this LSD leaves my system?
November 15, 2025 at 2:23 PM
So il Nonno Pazzo has withdrawn his support of Marjorie Taylor Greene. Wait...does that mean she's on our side now? And if so, how long before this LSD leaves my system?
We're in the height of deer rutting season. At least 3 times a day I see an antlered buck chasing a doe through my yard. Last week I saw two bucks fighting. I couldn't help myself. I opened the window and yelled, "Hey, do you two bucks need change?"
I'll show myself out.
I'll show myself out.
November 14, 2025 at 4:16 PM
We're in the height of deer rutting season. At least 3 times a day I see an antlered buck chasing a doe through my yard. Last week I saw two bucks fighting. I couldn't help myself. I opened the window and yelled, "Hey, do you two bucks need change?"
I'll show myself out.
I'll show myself out.
Only 8 more days! Did you get your tickets yet? Score some at www.act2.org
November 14, 2025 at 1:27 PM
Only 8 more days! Did you get your tickets yet? Score some at www.act2.org