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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 6h

Yeah that's gross. I've had multiple men with jealous wives/girlfriends who told them they couldn't receive e-mails from me or that I wasn't allowed to send them birthday gifts, etc. Lady, I promise I have NO designs on your man, but putting him on a leash is a great way to both be miserable.

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 6h

If the friend hadn't been there I wonder if he would have been nudging his wife with his foot when she passed out, saying she needed to wake up because he doesn't know if the sippy cup needs washing and how was he supposed to know a passed-out wife is a medical emergency if no one told him?

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 6h

This is bonkers. The idea that he needs to pester his wife during a medical emergency extreme enough to require an ambulance, and it wasn't just ONE boneheaded question but several--holy crap. Dude can't imagine that her health is more important than whether the children like their story?

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 1d

It's hilarious that evidence of a rich and varied life is framed as desperate and dysfunctional. Also, if people think I DON'T have such things, they also accuse me of having an empty life and floundering for meaning. It's funny really.

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 1d

Sometimes people say I do asexuality awareness to compensate for having an empty or rejection-filled life. (LOL.) But once, some dude saw all my various interests and projects and said THAT was an attempted compensation for a void in my life. Wow! No matter what I do, it's proof that I'm messed up?

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 6d

This is such an excellently summed-up version of this conversation. He's the one begging for something from her while confidently announcing he plans to give her nothing in return, and yet he has the audacity to frame it like a gift for her. Someone please come get these men.

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 10d

These guys: "I don't understand why women are so SELFISH about not sleeping with us. Also, why do these selfish women think they get to enjoy sex at all? LOL. Sex is for US. Sex is ONLY for us. Why don't these dumb bitches get it? Anyway why won't they sleep with us? Weird."

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 11d

They can't not make it about "NUH UH, ACTUALLY YOU'RE PRIVILEGED BECAUSE I WOULD BE DELIGHTED TO BE SWIMMING IN OFFERS! I CAN'T COMPREHEND IT FEELING LIKE BEING *PREY* INSTEAD OF FEELING WANTED!" He could've just commiserated about his difficulties but nooo, he NEEDED her to know it's worse for him.

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 11d

I felt like that would be disingenuous of the survey developers--to assume survey participants "judged someone less human" while not calling it that--but turns out you're right. The traits rated were "warmth," "competence," and "morality" equaling humanity. Big yikes are still in order, of course.

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 12d

I had the same thought and was hoping I wouldn't have to be the first to say that here. Thank goodness. I'm so confused why that's even a question anyone thinks is reasonable to ask and what kind of people reduce their perception of someone's HUMANITY based on ANYTHING.

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 22d

It's always SO weird to me that dudes like this guy even breathe these words. Literally saying it's their partner's responsibility to make sure there's food for them, like they're helpless little children? If you didn't liiiiiiiike what was in the house, go buy or order whatever you want! Lordy!

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 24d

God angel food cake is so good with coffee.

Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 24d

I did this and had cake for breakfast the past 3 days.

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 24d

OMG. I had a dude say the only reason men overestimate how much women talk in a group setting (i.e., they'll insist women dominated if they speak over 30%) is that "women are more significant to us and their voices are notable and precious."

Really?? Then why the hell don't they ever listen to us?

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 25d

Ugh. It's weird how little some of these dudes need to believe that it's a real woman, too. I once helped a friend recognize that he was being scammed by a Russian bot. When I read the e-mails I couldn't believe he thought they were real. She literally never responded to anything he said.

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 26d

The infantilization is so yuck! Telling her what she thinks and feels, misrepresenting her actions and statements as if they mean something that aligns her with his shitty slut-shaming ideals, winky winky faces to suggest they're on the same page . . . no, dude, just no. Get out, girl.

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 26d

Ohhh, now that is vile. Yeah, he's trying (ham-handedly) to make her feel like HE sees her as BETTER than other girls because she's more modest, resisting her explanation that it doesn't make her superior and she doesn't appreciate him shitting on other girls to lift her up.

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 26d

They can't imagine what we would do with our time if not be involved with our children because they've never given a thought to who we might be as people. GOD, what are women even FOR if not kids? How could they enjoy hobbies, careers, or dreams? They're WOMEN! Without kids, they're NOTHING!

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 26d

But of course, when people say YOU'RE GONNA REALIZE YOU'RE LONELY AND HAVE NO PURPOSE, they're really talking about how they, personally, don't see women as having any inherent worth outside of reproduction, and they've never thought our lives are our own or worth living.

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 26d

Yep, meanwhile if you DO have kids, you get constant messages that your life is over, your kids eclipse any dreams you have, and by the way if you ever try to vent about it you're a Terrible Mother. People who don't feel that pull to have kids should not be shamed into doing it. It's hard!

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 26d

But when they discover that it can seem arbitrary from outside and the women actually don't even have to justify why they like which men they do, suddenly they feel they Have Been Wronged. Why can't the woman lay out the steps to Achieve Woman? That's how it works in video games!

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 26d

They literally don't consider that women have attraction experiences too, and that in a two-person partnership, she is literally half of the relationship. They truly do think she should have an open application system and they should be able to compete by some "fairer" rules.

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 26d

Also, guys like this think there should be some kind of "fair" (by their standards) appeals process. They believe they were unjustly put in a "friend zone" and that they should be given extra credit opportunities to climb out. That access to women should be equally offered as a prize.

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 26d

This protects their tender feelings that they pretend they don't have (because Men = Logical!!). If women are simply irrational and find attractive things they can't help, they have no responsibility to reevaluate their actions/values, and can go on despising women like they wanted to anyway.

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Julie Sondra Decker @juliesondra.bsky.social · 26d

Yeah you're right. You always see this! "Yeah well you ladies only go for [thing we don't even talk about]. Yes huh you do TOO! How can male comedians and incel forums be wrong? We all know men bitching about why they got rejected is WAY more trustworthy than women saying what they're attracted to!"

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