Have family visit on the weekends and holidays, and instead I have none of those things. I’m not suicidal, I appreciate life too much for that, but holy fuck am I tired of all the negative shit that’s been happening in my life. When am I gonna get the things I want, and be truly happy for once.

Everything is okay. That i just need to wait a little more, and distract myself more. But all this time it’s been eating me alive, and I feel like I can never escape it. I wanted a normal life. To fall in love with someone I felt I shared so many ideals with, to maybe have kids, have our own place,

Because I can’t vent on my other social media, I don’t want to sound like a broken record to my friends who do listen, and I don’t want my family to know, because they know the girl and like her. So after all this, it feels like I have major imposter syndrome. I keep putting up a facade that

And the only girl I do want to talk, I can’t even determine if we are still friends because everything is so fucked and it just feels like the last couple times we’ve talked like it was a chore. I’ve got two other people who also owe me $200 and $350. I feel so unnecessarily poor and held back