It gladdens me to know, unlike so many others, I can always rely on you not to possess all three of those dreadful qualities. But perhaps my favorite aspect of your visage is that the grim one still hasn't been able to tell when someone far more handsome is wearing it.

Alas, while it's true I am talented, clever, and, dare I say, debonair, I can only shine so much in comparison to the boorish, the dim, and the dull before my radiance is blinding.

Of course, who wouldn't wish for an assessment from the keen eyes of the realm's greatest spy? Well, I suppose I can do you this one favor!

I see, now, where the inspiration came for the best-selling novel "The Boy and the Dragon Gay"!

Please tell your friend I get enough fan mail as it is.

I'll have your receptionist come in to help you out of your bindings. I'm sure she'll be professional enough not to spread any scandalous rumors about your predicament! Now was she the Hyur or the Lalafell? You'll have to forgive me, all receptionists look alike. I'm sure it won't matter. Ta ta!

So go ahead. Have your shipment back. I'm sure it will be as easy as taking candy from a baby! I've gotten as much use out of them as I need.

Oh, you should've seen how their little eyes lit up when they were given brand new Garlean magitek handheld gaming devices, and not the torn and dilapidated boring wooden hand-me-downs they're so accustomed to! Their tiny minds have no idea the monetary value of what they hold in their wee hands!

Menphina's Arms, Frondale's Phrontistery, Acorn Orchard... you're a shrewd man, I think that's more than enough of a lead to pick up on the pattern.

But I am not here to make a deal. No, in fact, I'm here to give you a gift! Really, you should be thanking me! I'll tell you exactly where your shipment went. Rest assured, those rich snobs' spoiled brats can once again sing Starlight carols for as long their presents remain in fashion!

Ahahaha! Oh, how the blind blondie's pragmatism in the face of defeat amuses our hero so! To think a shinobi of my caliber hadn't already learned of your voice-activated failsafe! Really, for someone so invested in his trade, you ought to invest in security that isn't bested by a master of disguise!

Rest assured, our hero will not be making the same such mistake were these expensive goods to fall into his hands. Even should one hypothetically locate them, one would be hard-pressed to retrieve them. They're quite safe for the time being. Your wealthier clientele may yet have a Merry Starlight.

Terrible, that. And after all the effort you went through to keep your hidden supply lines hidden. It was rather clever, the way they moved their cargo back and forth to throw off the untrained eye, but every well-oiled machine is only as good as its weakest cog.

But enough about you. We're here to talk about something much more important, much more handsome, I might add! I thought you'd like to know I'll no longer be needing that expensive Doman vase I'd ordered, the one that mysteriously disappeared along with the rest of your latest shipment!

Good morning, honey! Don't bother getting up. You'll find your restraints are quite secure. You do sleep rather soundly when you're ten cups in on sedatives.

Oho! But what should our hero stumble across if not an opportunity? An opportunity for disappointment! Alas, there is naught that the dim one knows that our hero could not glean for himself, so I'll ask only this: How does it feel, knowing you could be asked any query, yet all are about yours truly?

I suppose I could be persuaded to overlook this transgression should it be rectified post haste!

Far be it for one as stylish as our hero to join the Fray, (did you catch my clever pun?) but I see the dim one numbers amongst your ranks, and I couldn't help but feel absolutely distraught that his clear superior in both style and substance received no such invitation!