Kathy Overman, Therapist & Coach
@kathyoverman.bsky.social
In relationships, conflict is often treated like a problem to eliminate. Many times it is actually a sign that the relationship is trying to evolve.
When patterns are no longer working, tension rises. Not because something is broken, but because something real is asking to be tended to.
When patterns are no longer working, tension rises. Not because something is broken, but because something real is asking to be tended to.
January 9, 2026 at 12:09 PM
In relationships, conflict is often treated like a problem to eliminate. Many times it is actually a sign that the relationship is trying to evolve.
When patterns are no longer working, tension rises. Not because something is broken, but because something real is asking to be tended to.
When patterns are no longer working, tension rises. Not because something is broken, but because something real is asking to be tended to.
When you learned that your feelings created stress in others, your nervous system made a decision; it decided that safety meant not needing much.
This was an intelligent choice. over truth because relationship once meant survival. And now, you can begin to explore a new kind of internal safety.
This was an intelligent choice. over truth because relationship once meant survival. And now, you can begin to explore a new kind of internal safety.
January 9, 2026 at 12:02 PM
When you learned that your feelings created stress in others, your nervous system made a decision; it decided that safety meant not needing much.
This was an intelligent choice. over truth because relationship once meant survival. And now, you can begin to explore a new kind of internal safety.
This was an intelligent choice. over truth because relationship once meant survival. And now, you can begin to explore a new kind of internal safety.
When you feel that you need something right now, the urgency is coming from a wound. It is a memory in your nervous system that once had to fight for attention, comfort, or safety. That younger place does not trust that waiting is safe, so it craves immediacy.
January 4, 2026 at 12:12 PM
When you feel that you need something right now, the urgency is coming from a wound. It is a memory in your nervous system that once had to fight for attention, comfort, or safety. That younger place does not trust that waiting is safe, so it craves immediacy.
Relational trauma does not live in memory alone. It lives in the body and in automatic patterns of protection. These patterns limit flexibility, presence, and choice.
Healing occurs by meeting these wounds with consistent internal attunement and compassion.
Healing occurs by meeting these wounds with consistent internal attunement and compassion.
January 4, 2026 at 12:09 PM
Relational trauma does not live in memory alone. It lives in the body and in automatic patterns of protection. These patterns limit flexibility, presence, and choice.
Healing occurs by meeting these wounds with consistent internal attunement and compassion.
Healing occurs by meeting these wounds with consistent internal attunement and compassion.
Growth is uncomfortable. Healing is not tidy. Becoming healthier is messy.
Change looks like showing up tired, trying again after disappointment, and choosing to stay present even when you feel like you are failing.
Change looks like showing up tired, trying again after disappointment, and choosing to stay present even when you feel like you are failing.
January 4, 2026 at 11:56 AM
Growth is uncomfortable. Healing is not tidy. Becoming healthier is messy.
Change looks like showing up tired, trying again after disappointment, and choosing to stay present even when you feel like you are failing.
Change looks like showing up tired, trying again after disappointment, and choosing to stay present even when you feel like you are failing.
We all have parts that are invested in maintaining the status quo. These parts developed to protect us, often in environments where change did not feel safe. Even when they keep us stuck or small, their intention is still to help.
January 3, 2026 at 12:28 PM
We all have parts that are invested in maintaining the status quo. These parts developed to protect us, often in environments where change did not feel safe. Even when they keep us stuck or small, their intention is still to help.
Anxious attachment often experiences vulnerability when there is no action or communication. Avoidant attachment often experiences vulnerability when there is action or communication. Both styles attempt to escape uncomfortable internal states.
December 31, 2025 at 12:31 PM
Anxious attachment often experiences vulnerability when there is no action or communication. Avoidant attachment often experiences vulnerability when there is action or communication. Both styles attempt to escape uncomfortable internal states.
Attachment theory describes how people manage emotional vulnerability. Anxious and avoidant strategies are learned behaviors developed in early relationships to reduce inner distress.
December 31, 2025 at 12:31 PM
Attachment theory describes how people manage emotional vulnerability. Anxious and avoidant strategies are learned behaviors developed in early relationships to reduce inner distress.
You are already:
worthy of love
worthy of patience
worthy of gentleness
worthy of a wonderful life
worthy of love
worthy of patience
worthy of gentleness
worthy of a wonderful life
December 30, 2025 at 12:47 PM
You are already:
worthy of love
worthy of patience
worthy of gentleness
worthy of a wonderful life
worthy of love
worthy of patience
worthy of gentleness
worthy of a wonderful life
Much of how we show up for ourselves and in our relationships is shaped by early attachment patterns that were formed to survive limited or inconsistent connection in childhood. These strategies once protected us, helped us maintain closeness, and reduced the risk of emotional abandonment.
December 30, 2025 at 12:32 PM
Much of how we show up for ourselves and in our relationships is shaped by early attachment patterns that were formed to survive limited or inconsistent connection in childhood. These strategies once protected us, helped us maintain closeness, and reduced the risk of emotional abandonment.
Each time you remain present with a uncomfortable emotion or stay engaged in a challenging situation, your nervous system updates its internal model of safety.
It learns that discomfort is survivable and that you are capable of handling it.
It learns that discomfort is survivable and that you are capable of handling it.
December 30, 2025 at 12:21 PM
Each time you remain present with a uncomfortable emotion or stay engaged in a challenging situation, your nervous system updates its internal model of safety.
It learns that discomfort is survivable and that you are capable of handling it.
It learns that discomfort is survivable and that you are capable of handling it.
If not now, when will you interrupt the pattern of avoidance that keeps you circling the same goals year after year?
December 29, 2025 at 12:05 PM
If not now, when will you interrupt the pattern of avoidance that keeps you circling the same goals year after year?
People who choose to heal after growing up in emotionally immature families are trusting themselves to become something they have never experienced. This is brave, strong, and courageous.
December 28, 2025 at 12:34 PM
People who choose to heal after growing up in emotionally immature families are trusting themselves to become something they have never experienced. This is brave, strong, and courageous.
Effort can feel like separating. When you were rewarded for performing, choosing yourself now can feel unsafe.
Keep efforting anyway. Each small act of self-loyalty is a quiet declaration that your life belongs to you.
Keep efforting anyway. Each small act of self-loyalty is a quiet declaration that your life belongs to you.
December 27, 2025 at 9:23 PM
Effort can feel like separating. When you were rewarded for performing, choosing yourself now can feel unsafe.
Keep efforting anyway. Each small act of self-loyalty is a quiet declaration that your life belongs to you.
Keep efforting anyway. Each small act of self-loyalty is a quiet declaration that your life belongs to you.
You were not born doubting yourself. You learned to do that when your truth was inconvenient to others.
Returning to your intuition is remembering that your knowing has always been within.
Returning to your intuition is remembering that your knowing has always been within.
December 27, 2025 at 12:17 PM
You were not born doubting yourself. You learned to do that when your truth was inconvenient to others.
Returning to your intuition is remembering that your knowing has always been within.
Returning to your intuition is remembering that your knowing has always been within.
When your wound is triggered, your nervous system does not stay in present time. It time travels. The part of you that comes online is not the adult you, it is the version of you that first learned, this is how I stay emotionally safe.
December 25, 2025 at 12:30 PM
When your wound is triggered, your nervous system does not stay in present time. It time travels. The part of you that comes online is not the adult you, it is the version of you that first learned, this is how I stay emotionally safe.
When you grew up being told your perceptions were wrong, you often internalized the voice.
Now the manipulation happens internally; your doubt is automatic, your questioning is relentless.
Healing begins when you stop putting your own reality on trial.
Now the manipulation happens internally; your doubt is automatic, your questioning is relentless.
Healing begins when you stop putting your own reality on trial.
December 25, 2025 at 12:30 PM
When you grew up being told your perceptions were wrong, you often internalized the voice.
Now the manipulation happens internally; your doubt is automatic, your questioning is relentless.
Healing begins when you stop putting your own reality on trial.
Now the manipulation happens internally; your doubt is automatic, your questioning is relentless.
Healing begins when you stop putting your own reality on trial.
Your nervous system often responds to separation as if you are still a child who cannot survive it. You are not that child anymore.
You can tolerate pauses in connection. You can survive disappointment. You stay whole even when someone pulls away.
You can tolerate pauses in connection. You can survive disappointment. You stay whole even when someone pulls away.
December 22, 2025 at 2:04 PM
Your nervous system often responds to separation as if you are still a child who cannot survive it. You are not that child anymore.
You can tolerate pauses in connection. You can survive disappointment. You stay whole even when someone pulls away.
You can tolerate pauses in connection. You can survive disappointment. You stay whole even when someone pulls away.
So much of rushing is not achieving. It is fear.
Fear that if you stop, something bad will happen.
Slowing down is teaching your body that nothing terrible occurs when you quiet your chaos.
Fear that if you stop, something bad will happen.
Slowing down is teaching your body that nothing terrible occurs when you quiet your chaos.
December 22, 2025 at 1:31 PM
So much of rushing is not achieving. It is fear.
Fear that if you stop, something bad will happen.
Slowing down is teaching your body that nothing terrible occurs when you quiet your chaos.
Fear that if you stop, something bad will happen.
Slowing down is teaching your body that nothing terrible occurs when you quiet your chaos.
Focusing on yourself can feel strangely empty at first. This emptiness is not a problem.
When your life has been organized around other people’s needs, moods, and outcomes, there was never room left for you.
The quiet you feel now is not absence. It is you, finally not being crowded out.
When your life has been organized around other people’s needs, moods, and outcomes, there was never room left for you.
The quiet you feel now is not absence. It is you, finally not being crowded out.
December 21, 2025 at 12:20 PM
Focusing on yourself can feel strangely empty at first. This emptiness is not a problem.
When your life has been organized around other people’s needs, moods, and outcomes, there was never room left for you.
The quiet you feel now is not absence. It is you, finally not being crowded out.
When your life has been organized around other people’s needs, moods, and outcomes, there was never room left for you.
The quiet you feel now is not absence. It is you, finally not being crowded out.
When you stop orienting outward, something strange can happen. There is a pause. A quiet. An emptiness that feels unfamiliar.
This is a nervous system shift.
Let it be.
Do not rush back to what kept you busy but disconnected.
This is a nervous system shift.
Let it be.
Do not rush back to what kept you busy but disconnected.
December 21, 2025 at 12:20 PM
When you stop orienting outward, something strange can happen. There is a pause. A quiet. An emptiness that feels unfamiliar.
This is a nervous system shift.
Let it be.
Do not rush back to what kept you busy but disconnected.
This is a nervous system shift.
Let it be.
Do not rush back to what kept you busy but disconnected.
So much suffering comes from trying to manage what already is.
Other people’s choices.
Other people’s timing.
Life itself.
Give yourself to reality.
It does not need your permission to unfold. it is already unfolding.
Other people’s choices.
Other people’s timing.
Life itself.
Give yourself to reality.
It does not need your permission to unfold. it is already unfolding.
December 21, 2025 at 12:19 PM
So much suffering comes from trying to manage what already is.
Other people’s choices.
Other people’s timing.
Life itself.
Give yourself to reality.
It does not need your permission to unfold. it is already unfolding.
Other people’s choices.
Other people’s timing.
Life itself.
Give yourself to reality.
It does not need your permission to unfold. it is already unfolding.
Being a lighthouse means this:
I will not chase connection.
I will not pursue healing for others.
I will not exhaust myself to be seen.
My presence is enough.
Those who are ready will find their way.
I will not chase connection.
I will not pursue healing for others.
I will not exhaust myself to be seen.
My presence is enough.
Those who are ready will find their way.
December 21, 2025 at 12:19 PM
Being a lighthouse means this:
I will not chase connection.
I will not pursue healing for others.
I will not exhaust myself to be seen.
My presence is enough.
Those who are ready will find their way.
I will not chase connection.
I will not pursue healing for others.
I will not exhaust myself to be seen.
My presence is enough.
Those who are ready will find their way.
The goal is not to escape the hard parts. The goal is to grow your capacity to stay present through them, and to receive the good when it arrives.
December 18, 2025 at 11:50 AM
The goal is not to escape the hard parts. The goal is to grow your capacity to stay present through them, and to receive the good when it arrives.
The goal is not to escape the hard parts. The goal is to grow your capacity to stay present through them, and to receive the good when it arrives.
December 18, 2025 at 11:49 AM
The goal is not to escape the hard parts. The goal is to grow your capacity to stay present through them, and to receive the good when it arrives.