Are Capybaras Actually Bald
@kazoo-symphony.bsky.social
Sometimes I just close my eyes and intentionally dissociate.
Trump’s Christmas posts answer the question: "What if instead, Scrooge doubled down?"
December 25, 2025 at 6:32 PM
Trump’s Christmas posts answer the question: "What if instead, Scrooge doubled down?"
Mike Johnson sent the entire House home ahead of the Epstein Files release deadline. At this point, I've started to suspect Mike Johnson is in the files.
December 19, 2025 at 2:01 AM
Mike Johnson sent the entire House home ahead of the Epstein Files release deadline. At this point, I've started to suspect Mike Johnson is in the files.
People say autism must be caused by something new, because you never heard about it 50 years ago. Thankfully, modern medicine apparently cured lumbago.
December 18, 2025 at 1:01 AM
People say autism must be caused by something new, because you never heard about it 50 years ago. Thankfully, modern medicine apparently cured lumbago.
I googled recipes for no-sugar added, gluten-free holiday pies and an ad popped up for the suicide hotline.
December 16, 2025 at 5:15 AM
I googled recipes for no-sugar added, gluten-free holiday pies and an ad popped up for the suicide hotline.
My dad always said, "If you love someone, set them free. And if they love you, they’ll come back to the van. Willingly."
December 11, 2025 at 1:01 AM
My dad always said, "If you love someone, set them free. And if they love you, they’ll come back to the van. Willingly."
Kim Kardashian needed a brain scan to learn she has 'low brain activity'. The rest of us learned when she said 'I do' to Kanye.
December 1, 2025 at 7:40 AM
Kim Kardashian needed a brain scan to learn she has 'low brain activity'. The rest of us learned when she said 'I do' to Kanye.
The police bomb protocol is to blow up suspected devices rather than examine them. Which is why the fire department took over baby drop-offs at some point, I imagine.
November 30, 2025 at 6:30 AM
The police bomb protocol is to blow up suspected devices rather than examine them. Which is why the fire department took over baby drop-offs at some point, I imagine.
At work we locked a thousand monkeys in an office with typewriters. Still no Great American Novel…but they have produced three manifestos about workplace injustice and an alarming amount of banana erotica.
November 30, 2025 at 5:15 AM
At work we locked a thousand monkeys in an office with typewriters. Still no Great American Novel…but they have produced three manifestos about workplace injustice and an alarming amount of banana erotica.
All this Wicked hype had me revisit the soundtrack. Now maybe it’s just my taste in Broadway musicals, but the story just didn’t have enough characters with AIDS or heroin addiction to be my new favorite.
November 24, 2025 at 12:48 AM
All this Wicked hype had me revisit the soundtrack. Now maybe it’s just my taste in Broadway musicals, but the story just didn’t have enough characters with AIDS or heroin addiction to be my new favorite.
Trump telling Mamdani that it's okay to call him a fascist was an unexpected act of self-awareness, at a level not seen since Forrest asked Jenny if their son was smart or "like me".
November 23, 2025 at 3:04 AM
Trump telling Mamdani that it's okay to call him a fascist was an unexpected act of self-awareness, at a level not seen since Forrest asked Jenny if their son was smart or "like me".
I love Bonnie Hunt through and through, and I love "french braid" Bonnie Hunt the most.
November 15, 2025 at 8:57 PM
I love Bonnie Hunt through and through, and I love "french braid" Bonnie Hunt the most.
If you're upset about the $250 million ballroom addition to the White House. Just wait. It’s a home renovation project using government contractors. There's no way it doesn't end up going $500 million over budget.
October 23, 2025 at 6:38 AM
If you're upset about the $250 million ballroom addition to the White House. Just wait. It’s a home renovation project using government contractors. There's no way it doesn't end up going $500 million over budget.
I like to think that there is an alternate universe where pasteurization is called "doing it Louis-style".
October 4, 2025 at 6:33 PM
I like to think that there is an alternate universe where pasteurization is called "doing it Louis-style".
There is nothing to lose with this shutdown.
Folks — this is not a normal government shutdown.
Let me explain the stakes and how we got here.
Let me explain the stakes and how we got here.
October 1, 2025 at 2:22 PM
There is nothing to lose with this shutdown.
Oh no. Not a government shutdown. How will congress come together to fix all the corruption and ineptitude? 😐
How about instead, keep it all shut down until 2028.
How about instead, keep it all shut down until 2028.
October 1, 2025 at 1:25 AM
Oh no. Not a government shutdown. How will congress come together to fix all the corruption and ineptitude? 😐
How about instead, keep it all shut down until 2028.
How about instead, keep it all shut down until 2028.
Looking around today, it's clear that a lot of kids walked out of watching Star Wars, only thinking how the government TOTALLY needs a Death Star.
September 25, 2025 at 6:15 PM
Looking around today, it's clear that a lot of kids walked out of watching Star Wars, only thinking how the government TOTALLY needs a Death Star.
At this point I think you can be called woke for pointing out that it's no longer the 80s. (1880s or 1980s)
August 27, 2025 at 6:10 AM
At this point I think you can be called woke for pointing out that it's no longer the 80s. (1880s or 1980s)
Q: Was slavery bad?
A: Release the Epstein files
A: Release the Epstein files
August 22, 2025 at 4:34 AM
Q: Was slavery bad?
A: Release the Epstein files
A: Release the Epstein files
Dawn watched volunteers clean oil-soaked birds with their soap and said:
“Perfect. Slap some ducks on the bottle.”
Nothing says “trustworthy” like cleaning up corporate malfeasance…with bubbles.
“Perfect. Slap some ducks on the bottle.”
Nothing says “trustworthy” like cleaning up corporate malfeasance…with bubbles.
July 21, 2025 at 2:21 AM
Dawn watched volunteers clean oil-soaked birds with their soap and said:
“Perfect. Slap some ducks on the bottle.”
Nothing says “trustworthy” like cleaning up corporate malfeasance…with bubbles.
“Perfect. Slap some ducks on the bottle.”
Nothing says “trustworthy” like cleaning up corporate malfeasance…with bubbles.
I think Trump might still have a chance at a Nobel prize. There's a pedophilia category, right?
July 20, 2025 at 2:01 AM
I think Trump might still have a chance at a Nobel prize. There's a pedophilia category, right?
When I was growing up, mom’s mood swings could best be described as a peanut brittle can full of snakes.
Except the snakes were also crying.
Except the snakes were also crying.
July 6, 2025 at 4:58 AM
When I was growing up, mom’s mood swings could best be described as a peanut brittle can full of snakes.
Except the snakes were also crying.
Except the snakes were also crying.
Americans are hurting.
The week before the 4th used to be a symphony of illegal fireworks around here.
We've lost our national coping mechanism, in favor of just white knuckling it into the end times.
The week before the 4th used to be a symphony of illegal fireworks around here.
We've lost our national coping mechanism, in favor of just white knuckling it into the end times.
June 29, 2025 at 5:43 AM
Americans are hurting.
The week before the 4th used to be a symphony of illegal fireworks around here.
We've lost our national coping mechanism, in favor of just white knuckling it into the end times.
The week before the 4th used to be a symphony of illegal fireworks around here.
We've lost our national coping mechanism, in favor of just white knuckling it into the end times.
Sure, this administration sees Iran as the enemy. But to make a Contra point (sorry, counterpoint), past administrations found making deals with Iran quite profitable.
June 23, 2025 at 2:48 AM
Sure, this administration sees Iran as the enemy. But to make a Contra point (sorry, counterpoint), past administrations found making deals with Iran quite profitable.
Such déjà vu, going to war in the Middle East over weapons of mass destruction...again. Nostalgia can really get out of control sometimes.
June 23, 2025 at 2:06 AM
Such déjà vu, going to war in the Middle East over weapons of mass destruction...again. Nostalgia can really get out of control sometimes.
Leave it to that human choad, Ted Cruz, to allow Tucker Carlson to make a good point about something.
June 19, 2025 at 1:06 AM
Leave it to that human choad, Ted Cruz, to allow Tucker Carlson to make a good point about something.